Broken
by 1983Sunny
Summary: What if Christian never contacted Ana after their break up at the end of book one? Three months have passed since then, but today they are going to meet again... and it is not like Ana expected it to be...
1. Chapter 1

_**Okay, so I wanted to update my other stories, but this idea kept popping up in my head and just wouldn't go away... so in order to get it out of my mind I wrote the first chapter down. **_

_**A little warning, this story is going to be sad (better keep a box of tissues close while reading it, lol) and I am not sure if there will be a HEA in the end, but I will try my best to get them there... There will also be another of my favorite book characters showing up around chapter three or four... maybe you can guess who it is...**_

_**And lastly, since I have five stories I need to finish, I won't update this story until at least two of them are complete, which will probably be by the end of the month... so this is more like a preview ;-)**_

_**Ana **_

Three months. It's been three months since I last saw Christian Grey; the man I fell in love with; the man I have given my virginity. They say people do anything to be with the one person you truly love... well apparently six strikes with a belt were enough to make me leave. Leave the man I love and to realise that I was not as special to him as I thought to be.

For the first couple of days I felt like I had entered a new universe, one of eternal darkness, where the ocean was made out of my tears. And the pain, I never thought that getting your heart-broken could cause this amount of pain. It was and still is making me physically sick. Just thinking about that day and how I left. I should have stayed... maybe we could have worked things out. And all of this maybes and what ifs are stuck in my head, torturing me.

Kate thinks I am depressed and that I need to get out and find a new guy. But I know that is not what I need and it wouldn't be fair to start a new relationship just to get over a broken one. Besides, I can barely muster up the strength to get out of bed and work every day. Even thinking about making an effort to go out sounds exhausting and I am just not ready to do it.

I think I have aged years in the last couple of months. Looking in the mirror I hardly recognize the pale woman with dark circles and hollow cheeks staring back at me with her way to big blue eyes. Kate is forcing me to eat at least a bit every day, but most of the time I just stare at the food and eat nothing at all. What keeps me going are some vitamins and energy drinks, though they are making me jumpy.

I have lost so much weight that I went down from size four to zero and even clothes in size zero are slowly getting too big for me. It's pathetic, what I have become since the day I have left Christian and the worst part is that I have brought this on myself. He didn't want me to leave, but I had made up my mind.

I prayed that he would contact me. An email, a phone call, just some pathetic acknowledgement of my existence, but nothing happened. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and I had to come to terms with the fact that Christian had moved on. At some point about four weeks ago I was ready to swallow my pride and beg him to take me back, but last-minute I couldn't do it. I was to afraid that he was going to reject me and I know it would have made me feel even worse. I've heard his voice over and over in my mind "You can leave any time, but if you do that's it. There is no way back"

And so I tried to move on, focus on my new job at SIP, but it's hard. I was supposed to go to conference in New York shortly after I started and I thought maybe by seeing a new town at least for a little while it would help me. But just my luck, the trip got cancelled. We are going next week instead, but I have to get through today before and I have no idea how to make it.

Today is Kate's 23rd birthday and because she is engaged to Elliot now his family insisted to throw a huge party for her. I tried to tell Kate I couldn't make it, but she is the only friend that I have, I can't miss her birthday. Even if it means seeing Christian and going through hell because I know he isn't effected by our break up. He probably had a new sub the second that I left never even wasting a thought on the stupid little coed that fell in love with him.

At least that thought makes me angry; angry is good, because I don't want to reduce myself to a blubbering mess once I have to see him tonight. No, I will not be weak. And with that thought in mind I take Kate up on her offer to go to a beauty salon to get pampered for tonight.

After a day of getting beautified and having been dragged through endless boutiques I again don't recognize the girl I see in the mirror, but this time it's because I actually look nice. I am wearing a gray cocktail dress, black high heels and my hair falls all the way down to hips in big glossy curls. The dark circles under my eyes are gone and by some miracle there is actually some color in my cheeks. Still, I can't hide how much weight I have lost, but at least being super skinny is in right now.

On the way to the Grey mansion I try to convince myself that this is going to be a nice evening, that I am going to enjoy myself. I need to think positive. Maybe Christian won't even show up, maybe he has too much work to do to make it. And maybe, just maybe I can survive this evening without having to see him.

Arriving at the Grey Mansion we are greeted by Christian's parents and Mia.

"Ana, it's so good to see you again." Dr. Grey gushes and I give her a warm smile before Mia grabs my wrist and drags me with her in the garden where a huge tent is placed for the party.

"So, Christian is coming a little late, do you think you guys can work things out?" she asks and I sigh.

"Mia, I think he has moved on and I ... it's complicated, please I don't want to talk about Christian tonight." I plead and she pouts, but just when I am about to say something I see her exchanging looks with her mother.

"Wait, is that why Kate insisted for me to be here tonight, so I could see Christian again?" I ask and Mia looks caught.

"Well, it's just... Elliot and Kate think that you are depressed and Christian is more grumpy than ever, so we all thought maybe the two of you just need a little push." she murmurs and in this moment all I want to do is leave. But I can't it's Kate's birthday. I have to stay for her.

"Mia, I don't want to fight about this... just look, Christian hasn't contacted me since we decided not to see each other again and I guess that is very telling... so please leave it be."

Thirty minutes later we are all seated in the tent and I keep looking at the empty chair next to mine. I am seated at the family table with all the Grey's and Kavanagh's... well minus one Grey, namely Christian, who hasn't arrived yet. Maybe he is not coming at all, I think to myself when the first course is served. But just when I take the first spoonful of soup I catch a glimpse of Mia and she is staring open-mouthed at something behind me. She looks like she can't believe what she is seeing and I turn around and my world stops.

He is here, Christian is here... and he is not alone. He is walking towards the table all smiles holding hands with a very beautiful brunette in her mid twenties. She is smiling brightly too and suddenly he stops, looks down at her and kisses her softly. I feel sick, this can't be happening. This woman can't be just a sub... and then I see it. While they are kissing her hand is resting on his chest and he isn't even flinching.

I want to look away; see anything but the sight in front of me, but I can't look away. If I thought the last three months were hell, then I have now entered a place that is worse than hell. How can he allow this woman to touch him and I couldn't. I feel the tears burning in my eyes and I am sure that there is a look of utter disbelieve and horror on my face. Oh God, please let this be a nightmare. I want to wake up now, this can't be happening.

But it is happening and I am awake and before I know it they have arrived at the table.

"Christian darling, I had no idea you would bring someone with you tonight" Grace says, her voice showing her disbelieve.

"Well, I thought today would be a good day for all you to meet my girlfriend. Michelle and I have been seeing each other for almost three months now, so it is time to make it official..."

I can't listen to this any further, so I excuse myself and leave the table, somehow managing not to let the tears fall until I am in the privacy of one of the stalls in the portable restrooms.

They have been seeing each other for almost three months... that means he has started to date her almost immediately after I've left him. No wonder he never contacted me... he was busy with his new girlfriend... and she can touch him. Just thinking about it makes me cry harder. I would have done anything if he would have allowed me just once to touch him, yet he didn't and it seemed so easy for him to let her touch him.

I guess now it is crystal clear that I was the only one in love. All of his promises to try for more, the gliding... just everything was just him trying to get me to sign his damned contract. He never saw me for more than a new toy and now he has found love...

After what feels like ages I leave the stall and make my way to one of the sinks where I quickly fix my make up, but I look a mess. Shit!

"Do you need help, I have some make up, your mascara is smeared." I turn when I hear a woman say this and freeze. It's her, Christian's girlfriend.

"No, it's okay, thank you."

"Please, let me help you, I'm good with make up." she says and shit she seems to be really nice.

"Okay" I murmur and she gestures for me to come closer. While she fixes my make up she smiles at me.

"I saw you at the family table, are you a Grey or a Kavanagh?"

"Neither, I am Kate's roommate and best friend."

"Oh, I see. I hope you don't mind, but Chris insisted that I take your seat. It was the only free one left."

"Chris?"

"Christian, I like to call him Chris, reminds him not to be so awfully stiff all the time." she giggles and I try to smile, but I am sure it looks more painful than anything else.

"So, is it okay if I sit where you sat earlier?"

"Sure" I murmur. _By all means, take my seat, after all you already took the love of my life, do you need anything else? Maybe my shoes or hey, you could have my broken heart and kick it around for a while... great now I am sounding like a bitter old hag..._

"Thank you, so you are perfect again, I'll better get back or else Chris is going to worry" she gives me a big smile and leaves. I have no idea what to do. I should just leave, after all I don't even have a place to sit anymore, it couldn't be more obvious that I don't belong here. So, I decide to tell Kate that I am not well, I just need to leave, I will never make it through an entire evening of watching Christian with his new girlfriend.

I leave the restroom and take the deep breath, praying to find the strength to go back to the tent even if it is just to tell Kate that I am leaving. I can do this. I take a step in the direction of the tent when I hear foot steps behind me.

"Miss Steele?"

I turn around see Taylor and smile. "Hi Taylor, it's good to see you again"

"Miss Steele, I need you to follow me." he says all business and I frown.

"Why, what is going on Taylor?"

"Mr. Grey has asked me to remove you from his parents property, I am to remind me that after your relationship has ended you are not to come anywhere near him or his family, it is all part of the NDA you have signed. He is not going to press charges this time, but he wants me to tell you that this is your one free pass and that as soon as Miss Kavanagh is married to Mr. Grey's brother, this also applies to her."

I feel like someone has just pulled the rug from underneath me. How can he do this to me? Kate is my only friend and kicking me out from my best friends birthday party... I have no idea what I have done to deserve this.

"Miss Steele, do you understand what I have just told you?" Taylor asks and I nod slowly not able to hold back my tears.

"Good, then please follow me."

"That won't be necessary, Taylor, I can see myself out. And you can tell your boss that kicking someone who is already lying on the ground is a really classy move" I hiss through my tears and start to walk towards the gate. I have to force myself to keep moving, because I know if I stop even for one second my legs won't support me any longer and I will just fall to the ground and cry. I can't humiliate myself like that and I won't, not here, not where Christian could witness to what he has reduced me.

Once outside I just continue to walk without even knowing where I am going and when I finally look around I have no idea where I am. The street is empty, but in the far distance I can see a truck coming closer with way more speed then it is allowed here and for a moment I think to myself how easy it would be to just lie down on the road and wait for the truck... wait for all the pain to just go away ... to end it all...

_**So, let me know what you are thinking ...**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**OMG... I have no idea what to say, 120+ reviews and so many pm's that I am still trying to reply to all of them. So, if you haven't gotten a reply so far, don't worry, I'll reply it just takes some time... **_

_**I have to admit, that I posted the first chapter merely because I was in the mood to post and I didn't really think about an outline, as most of the times the plot comes to me as I am writing the story... but I did give this story a lot of thought in the last couple of days and for those of you who were worried about the outcome of the story... don't worry, this story is going to have a HEA for Ana and Christian.  
**_  
_**I also decided not to wait until two of my others stories are complete to fully get into this one. I can't promise regular updates, but I will try to post once a week for now...**_

**Ana  
**  
I feel like I am sleepwalking as I take the first step towards the street. There is nothing left inside of me, just this overwhelming pain and just as I am about to step into the middle of the road, I feel strong arms around my middle and I am pulled back to the sidewalk.

"Holy fuck, Ana. Didn't you see the truck? And what are you doing here?" I stare up at Elliot and I have no idea what to tell him, so I just continue to stare blankly at him.

"Christ, okay, wait I need to call Kate, everyone is looking for you." he says takes his phone out and calls Kate.

"Kate... I found her... I don't know Kate, something is not right. She hasn't said a single word... Yes, I'll bring her back to my parents home." he hangs up and because I have no idea what else to do, I just follow him back, but stop outside the gate when I see Taylor. Of course, he is going to make sure that I won't enter the property again.

"Come on, Ana." Elliot tries to get me to follow him, but I am rooted to the spot. And then I see Elliot's parents and Kate walking towards us.

"Ana! Oh my gosh, you scared me, I couldn't find you anywhere, why are you out here, come on. You are missing dinner and you need to eat, if you lose any more weight there won't be anything left of you." Kate says grabs my wrist and of course the moment I have set foot on the property Taylor blocks the way.

"Miss Kavanagh, I need you to let go of Miss Steele's wrist. She is not welcome here and I've already told her s..."

"Excuse me?! Correct me if I am wrong, Taylor, but this is still my home, right?" Mr. Grey asks and he looks mad.

"Yes, Sir. But your son gave me instructions to remove Miss Steele from the property and..."

"Enough, I'm not listening to this, Miss Steele is our guest, my son doesn't get to make the decision whom my wife and I can invite into our home and quite frankly Taylor, kicking my guests out makes me question if you are still welcome here, now if you'll excuse us" he says wraps one arm around my shoulder and leads me back into the tent.

"Don't worry, Anastasia. You are Kate's best friend..."

"Not much longer" and with that the tears start again. Mr. Grey stops and looks at me.

"What do you mean?"

"I ... could I talk to you, privately for a moment. I could use your advise as a lawyer."

His brows shoot up, but he nods and leads me into the house and into his study.

"Please, have a seat, Anastasia. Can I offer you something to drink."

"No, thank you" I murmur and sit down in one of the club chairs.

"So, Anastasia, why do you need my advise?" Mr. Grey sits down behind his desk and I take a deep breath. I can do this.

"When I started seeing Christian he asked me to sign a NDA. At the time I didn't put too much thought into it. I just signed it without even reading it. And today he let me know through Taylor, that because I have signed the NDA I can no longer come here and that once Kate has married Elliot, I have to end my friendship with Kate, too. I had no idea that this could happen when I've signed the NDA. Kate is my only friend, she is like a sister... I ... I ... sorry" I sob and try to compose myself.

Mr. Grey gets up from his chair kneels by my side and hands me handkerchief.

"Please, Anastasia, you don't have to cry. There is no such thing as a NDA that could keep you from going to certain places or being friends with Kate. I have no idea what my son is playing at, but I won't have it. I would like to know why your relationship ended, but if you answer me it could be a breach of the NDA, so I won't ask you. But is there anything else that Christian did to you?"

He looks at me kindly and I nod. "He gave me a car for my graduation, when we decide not to see each other anymore, I gave him the car back and he gave me a check for the money Taylor got for Wanda."

"Wanda?"

"My old VW Beetle. Last week I decided to bank the check, but at the bank I was told that the check bounced. The check was way too high for what Taylor could have possibly gotten for my old car, but I need at least what he got for my car."

"Of course, please wait a moment." he leaves the study and I cringe when he returns with Christian who looks as if he is ready to spit nails.

"Why the fuck is she still here, Dad?"

"Anastasia is still here, because your mother and I invited her to celebrate Kate's birthday. We already know that you told Taylor to remove her from the property, but I'm not having it, Christian. This is my house and I am the one to make the rules in here. Now, have you told Anastasia she couldn't be here or stay friends with Kate, because of a NDA you made her sign?"

"Well, look at that. You know I could sue you for even mentioning the NDA" Christian hisses at me.

"No, you can't and I'm warning you, son. Do not threaten the girl in my home. She can mention the NDA all she likes, as long as she doesn't go into the details thereof or into details of your relationship. Christ, have I raised you to treat women like that?"

"She nothing but a none good lying bitch, but by all means, let her stay; Michelle and I wanted to leave anyway. Oh, and Anastasia... you are going to regret that you even showed up here tonight." and with that he storms out of the study, nearly knocking over Elliot who was just about to come in.

"Fuck, what crawled up his ass and died? Dad, I had about enough with him, ever since Kate and I returned from Barbados, Ana is a complete mess and now he is acting like a jerk, and this Michelle... yeah, fat chance that she is his girlfriend. I've been at his place at least three times each week since Barbados, but this girl wasn't there once. I have no idea what his deal is, but I am about to knock some sense into him."

"Get in line, son. Good Lord, the way he acted tonight reminded me of his teenage years. But another thing, Elliot, you have a lot of knowledge when it comes to cars, right?"

"Sure, why Dad?"

"How much do you think is an old VW Beetle worth." _oh no, I don't think like where this is going.  
_  
"Depends, a collector would probably pay a couple thousand bucks."

"Good, I'll write you a check, Anastasia. Say five thousand dollar?"

"No, please, I can't take money from you, Mr. Grey."

"Yes, you can Anastasia. Believe me, this is not the first time I had to deal with a mess Christian made. You need a car, it is not safe for a young, beautiful woman like you are to walk or take the bus all the time. I won't take no for answer, so you better take the check."

I nod and take the check, but I feel terrible about it. Maybe, I'll just return it later. Back at the party I try to make a happy face for Kate, but I know I am failing miserably. I don't want to ruin Kate's birthday, but around 11 pm, I excuse myself and take a cab home.

At the apartment I quickly change into my pj's and get into bed, hugging the inflated Charlie Tango balloon to close. But as I lie there and think about today I get really angry. He called me a lying bitch and basically threatened me in front of his parents. And I have done nothing wrong, for three months I have been miserable without him and I had so many hopes for tonight, but they were all crashed.

Seeing Christian with another woman... and he allowed her to touch him. Actually, if Elliot is right and this was just an act to hurt me it's even worse. He told me I was the one woman he wanted to have more with, yet I couldn't touch him and this random woman can... maybe he allowed her to touch him, because he knew how much it would hurt me. That's just cruel. And here I am, thinking of what I could have possible done to anger him like that.

But I come up empty. For the last three months all I have done is being at home or work. So, why is he acting like this... or maybe he lied to me right from the start... maybe he is a sadist and finds some sort of sick pleasure in seeing me hurt and inflicting pain on me this way. After all I have left him because I couldn't take his punishment, maybe he just isn't done with me and making me miserable is how he is getting his kicks now.

Well, if that is what he wants, then he succeeded, because I have never felt this miserable in my life. Still, I'm hanging on to him, clinging to the balloon he has given me imagining it was him and in this moment, I decide this has to stop, I can't live like this, I was considering to kill myself over him tonight... I just need to stop this or else I will end up killing myself.

I get out of bed and find a duffel bag in my closet, I take the balloon, Christian's jacket, two pairs of boxer briefs and his sweater out of my chest of drawers and stuff it all inside. Looking through my room I see the picture of Christian and I from graduation. I printed it from the internet and framed it, so I could at least look at him. I take the picture and put it in the duffel bag. The last thing that has to go is his damned contract, it's still hidden under my bed, and I need it gone, too.

After putting on a cardigan I make my way into the kitchen and take a lighter out of one of the drawers.

"Hey Ana, still up?" I jump when I hear a voice and scowl at Ethan who just came into the apartment. He is still staying with us, because the building that houses his apartment is undergoing renovations and he can't move in until the end of the month.

"Yes, can I borrow your car?"

"What? It's the middle of the night, where do you need to go at this hour?"

"I need to get rid of some things, please Ethan, I don't want to walk." I plead and he sighs.

"Fine, but I will drive you, I don't want you to go out alone at night" he gives me his best _take it or leave it _look and I sigh.

"Okay"

"Good, where do you want to go?"

"Well, I am not sure, I need to burn some things." I murmur and Ethan smirks.

"That must be a girl thing, well, you are lucky I know exactly where Kate used to burn all the things she got from her ex boyfriends. Do you have everything?"

I look around and see those darn Tess books, but I can't burn them... they are just too expensive and rare, no I know exactly what I am going to with them.

"Yes" Ethan takes the duffel bag from me and after driving for 25 minutes he stops at park. We walk for another ten minutes until reach a picnic site and Ethan empties one of the metal waste bins. Good think I gave back the Audi, no way I could have burned that car too, I think to myself and start to light each of the pages of the contract first, before I add the boxer briefs, the sweater, the Charlie Tango balloon and jacket along with Taylor's handkerchief.

I look at the picture of Christian and I one last time and throw it into the fire. This is it, I have erased almost every memory of Christian Grey that I have. Hanging on to it as if he would come back one day is just not healthy. I need to get over him, even if it breaks my heart, but he is not the man I thought he was. He is cruel and mean, but... No, I have to stop this, I can't try to come up with excuses for his behavior... not after tonight.

And as I watch, what I called my Christian Grey collection, burn I am starting to feel a little lighter. Not much, but I don't feel like I am going to break any second anymore. There is just one more thing to do... and hopefully after that I can finally end this chapter of my life and start a new one...

_**Two days later  
**_  
Today is monday and I have to hurry, because I have to be at SeaTac in about an hour, but there is something I need to do first. As I arrive at my destination I sigh, how things have changed since the last time I have been here. But I need to do this, I just can't keep this books and I don't want to face Christian again... ever.

So, I take a deep breath and enter Grey House through the revolving glass door. I make my way to the reception desk where a beautiful blonde woman is smiling brightly at me.

"Welcome to Grey Enterprises Holdings, how may I help you?"

"I need you to give this back to Mr. Grey. He has sent me those books and I don't want them." I place the books on her desk and her mouth pops open.

"You ... umm ... are you talking about Mr. Christian Grey?"

"Yes, so can you give him those books or give them Taylor and he can give them to Christian." When I refer to him by his first name the young blonde looks almost faint and I want to snort. _Get a grip, he is not Lord Voldemort, so I can say his name as often as I want.  
_  
I am just about to say something to her when I feel him. Fuck, Christian is here. I don't even need to turn around to know that he is here. And sure enough someone comes to a halt right behind me.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he hisses into my ear and I have to fight the urge to cringe from the venom in his voice. Instead I take the books and turn around.

"I am here to return these books." I thrust the books against his chest so he has to take them and for a second we stare at each other, me heart-broken and he full of hate. I need to go, I can't be around him, not anymore it's just to painful. So, I turn around, leave Grey House and get into the cab that is waiting for me outside.

"We can go to SeaTac now" I tell the driver and as he pulls into traffic I look back one last time and see Christian standing outside of Grey House. If only things could have been different, but as it is I have to get over him and I know that New York is going to be just what I need to take a step closer to becoming my old self again...

_**I know many of you have requested Christian's POV, but for now this story is about Ana. Christian will show up once more in chapter 4 or 5, but after that I will focus on Ana and it will take about 5 to 10 chapters before Christian is going to be back in the picture... so you'll have to wait a while for POV...**_

_**You can find the link to the pinterest board for this story on my bio page :-)**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Just to give you all a little hint, Elena had nothing to do with what happened, she is not feeding Christian lies or anything like that...**_

_**SPOILER ALERT: So, because this chapter might trigger bad memories for some of you, I am going to give you a heads up, about what is happening in this chapter. For those of you who don't want to know, just go on and read the chapter. **_

_Basically, Hyde is going to drug Ana and tries to rape her, but is stopped last-minute. For those of you who want to skip this part, just read until they leave the restaurant and continue after the POV changes..._

_**Ana  
**_  
I love New York, I love the lights of the city, the energy, all the people hurrying from one place to another and even the crazy traffic is absolutely fascinating to me. I guess it is pretty obvious that I am here for the first time, because most of the time I am just looking around wide-eyed and completely over excited.

Jack has been great these past three days. When I started to work for him I was a little anxious, because he seemed to always stand too close and he gave me the chills, but with time I got used to his demeanor and I realised he does that with everyone. Even though we had a lot on our schedule he made sure that I could do some sight-seeing, we visited the Empire State Building, the Times Square, Ground Zero, took the ferry to the Statue of Liberty and yesterday he surprised me with tickets for the musical Mamma Mia! at the broadway. It was absolutely amazing and I found myself humming all the songs from the musical on our way back to the hotel.

Today, we decided to just have a nice dinner, to celebrate a very successful time in New York. Jack found this nice italian restaurant just around the corner from our hotel and for the first time in three months I have managed to eat a full meal.

"So, Ana. I hope you've enjoyed New York." Jack says with a smile.

"Yes, and I have to thank you so much, Jack, you've made this trip so special. It was the best time I had in a long while."

"I'm glad, but I do hope you are not thinking about moving here. I saw Alice Brinkley talk to you. She is known to collect the best people to work for her publishing house here."

He is right, I did talk to Alice Brinkley, the owner of Brinkley Publishing, which is one of the biggest and well-known publishing houses in New York. We got into a rather heated discussion about a book that was just published. To me it is complete garbage and I said that out loud, not knowing who she was or that it was published by her publishing house. I was so embarrassed I wanted the ground to swallow me up, but to my utter surprise she really did listen to all my points and agreed with most of them. In the end she offered me a job as junior editor. She has given me a week to think about her offer, but even though this is a great chance I don't think that I am going to take the job. Moving to New York alone, I am not sure I can do this.

"Don't worry Jack, I am staying at SIP. After all, Seattle is where my best friend lives and it is close to my Dad."

"That is good to know" he says though something about the way he smiles at me that doesn't sit right with me. But I push the thought aside and excuse myself to use the bathroom.

As I look into the mirror over the sink I smile. New York really does agree with me. For the first time in what feels like forever I have color in my cheeks and because I have slept very well for the last couple of nights the dark circles under my eyes have magically disappeared. If it wasn't for the fact that I am way too thin, even for my liking, I would even go so far as to say that I am looking beautiful tonight.

I love the dress that I am wearing, I found it at Bloomingdale's and with almost two hundred dollars it is probably the most expensive article of clothing that I own, but it is lovely, with some ruffles, thin straps and I love the color, it's a light peachy color that goes very well with my coloring. For a brief moment, I am thinking about taking Alice Brinkley up on her offer. After all, Ray would be happy for me if I would follow my dreams and make a career in my chosen field; and Kate... I know she would be sad if I decide to leave, but she is going to marry Elliot next spring, so she is starting a new chapter in her life and maybe it is time for me to do the same thing.

And I know deep down that it is Christian who is the reason for me wanting to stay in Seattle, him and this silly hope that I have, that one day he will come around and we can start over... but is this really enough to let a job offer like this pass? I don't know, I decide to talk to Kate as soon as I am back tomorrow morning. If she tells me to take the offer, I will.

With this decision on my mind I return to the table where Jack is waiting for me.

"I've ordered a some more wine for us, I hope you don't mind, Ana."

"No, that's fine. Let's make a toast. To New York!"

"To New York."

A little later Jack and I leave the restaurant and I think I had one too many glasses of wine, because I am not quite steady on my feet and my vision is kind of blurry.

"Are you alright, Ana?" I hear Jack and blink at him.

"No, I think I had too much wine, sorry Jack, I don't usually have more than one glass of wine."

"Oh, that's fine. I'll help you to your room."

"Have I already told you that you are the best boss ever?" I slur.

"Oh, you have no idea" he chuckles and back at the hotel I can barely hold myself up as we are riding up to our floor in the elevator. In the hallway Jack has to support me or else I wouldn't be able to walk anymore. What in the world is going on? I have never felt like that, not even when I got shit faced and drunk dialed Christian... hmmm Christian... maybe I should call him now... nah, he wouldn't care and I have Jack to help me.

Once in my room I flop down on the bed and try to kick my shoes off. Damn, the have straps. Clumsily, I manage to reach my ankles and unstrap them. Oh, why is the room spinning and who on earth put the blinking lights on. I try to get my eyes to focus and stare at what looks like a naked man in my room.

Why is there a naked man in my room? Oh my god, it must be Christian, maybe he did change his mind.

"Christian?" I try to make out what he is doing, but it is so hard to keep my eyes open... wait is he setting up a camera?

"Christian, what are you doing? Is that a camera?" Oh man, talking is so hard, I feel like I have something stuck in my mouth that is making it almost impossible to get the words out.

I squint my eyes to see what is going on and as the man comes closer to the bed I realise to my horror that it is not Christian, it's Jack.

"Jack, what are ... you ... doing?" Oh no, I am going to pass out, I can feel it...

"I am going to do what I wanted to do since the day you came in for that job interview, Ana. I have waited for three months for the right time to come" he hisses and leans over me while he grabs my dress with one hand and just rips it apart, leaving me in nothing but my panties in front of him.

"No... I don't want this... leave me alone" I beg, I need to fight him... need to stay awake and the last thing I remember before everything turns black is me letting out a blood curling scream and Jack's fist hitting my temple...

_**Gideon's POV**_

_Damn it Cross, look at what you have done now. _Here I am at the hotel room I reserve solely for fucking and I can't stand the girl I have brought here. The sad truth is, I just couldn't face another lonely evening at my apartment. I just needed to get out.

"Hey big boy, don't you want to play?" I look at the naked woman on my bed and scowl at her. Christ, how the hell did I not notice her fake tits, they look like she could crush coconuts with them, not my type at all. _Think Cross, how the hell can I get her out of here.  
_  
And right that second I hear it, a loud absolutely terrified scream from the room next door and it is followed by guy yelling to shut the fuck up. That's all I need, I run into the hallway get my master keycard out of my jeans pocket and open the door.

The scene in front of me has pure rage running through my veins. On the bed is a passed out girl, her dress ripped apart and on top of her some naked guy trying to remove her panties. With two giant steps I reach the bed and grab the guy by his hair pulling him off her. He tries to land a punch and I knock him to his ass with such force that he flies across the room.

"What the fuck, that is my girlfriend, asshole" he yells at me while clutching his now broken nose.

"Come again? That girl is passed out and you ripped her clothes apart, asshole. You better not move one fucking muscle before the cops arrive." I grab my phone and call Angus.

"Angus, I need the cops and an ambulance at the hotel, room 4701. Some asshole tried to rape a passed out girl. And get over here."

"Yes, Mister Cross." I hang up and take a blanket to cover the half-naked girl all the while I keep my gaze fixed on the asshole on the floor.

Fuck, that girl looks young, maybe 19 or 20, my bet is that the asshole drugged her. Unbidden memories of my childhood flood my mind, but I push them aside, I need to focus on the guy, if he makes one move to run I will probably kill the bastard.

After a few more minutes the cops and paramedics arrive. I watch them check on the girl, but she hasn't moved on bit since I entered the room. Since her vitals are stable they put her on a stretcher and leave the room with her to bring her to the nearest hospital. I nod at Angus, and he knows I want him to find out where they are taking her.

"Mr. Cross, we need to ask you a couple of questions." one of the cops says and so I recall for them what happened and they ask me to leave the room so they can save evidence. I tell them that I will wait in the manager's office if they need me and make my way downstairs where I find Angus.

"Mr. Cross, the young woman was brought to Bellevue Hospital Center, her name is Anastasia Steele, she is 21 and from Seattle. Apparently, Miss Steele was here for a book convention with her boss Jack Hyde, which is the man who attacked her."

"Fucking asshole. Angus, please go to a close by store and get some clothes and toiletries for Miss Steele. I don't want to invade her privacy by going through her belongings, but she will need a change of clothes."

"I'll be back soon, Mr. Cross."

"Thank you, Angus." he turns to leave, but halts for a second and looks back at me. "I've taken the liberty to tell the young lady in your room, that it would be best to leave, as you have other things to deal with at the moment." without waiting for my reply he leaves. This man is worth his weight in gold, at least now I don't have to deal with that woman.

Two hours later the police has left the hotel and Angus has bought some things for Miss Steele. I decide to stop by tonight. I am a huge benefactor of the hospital, so it is no problem for me to get into Miss Steele's room. Though, the nurse told me that she was heavily drugged and would probably sleep until the next morning.

In the room I place the bag with clothes and toiletries Angus has bought for her on the chair in the corner and look at the young woman, but what I see is shocking. This can't be... I mean how could this be possible... it has been what? Maybe twenty-two years, but this young woman looks just like my mother's sister. I haven't seen my aunt Carla since I was a small boy, before my Dad passed away and everything turned to shit, but Miss Steele looks just like her, the resemblance is uncanny. Could she be her daughter? Could this young woman be my cousin... a part of my family?

I decide to leave her for today and come back when she is awake in the morning. That is going to give me enough time to find out if I am slowly going crazy or if this woman really is my cousin.

_**Ana's POV**_

Oh my god, my head hurts so much, I am actually afraid to open my eyes. I try to remember how I got to bed last night, but all I remember is having dinner with Jack. Oh crap, did I get shit faced in front of my boss? I will myself to open my eyes and what I see is even more confusing... why am I in a hospital? I look down at myself and there is a IV-line attached to my left hand, I'm in a hospital gown and I have literally no clue why I am here. I look around and see the button to call a nurse. I push it and wait for about a minute until a nurse in her late fifties comes in. She looks very kind and smiles at me.

"Hello Miss Steele, my name is nurse Betty."

"Hi... umm ... why am I at the hospital?" I ask and she sighs.

"I will call the doctor, please wait a moment" and with that she is out of the room and I have to wait again. This is crazy, how can I not remember that I ended up at the hospital and I try to force myself to remember, but as I do my stomach churns and I just manage to reach for the cardboard bowl on the nightstand before I have to throw up.

"Nurse Betty, please get some water for Miss Steele" I hear a female voice while I am still dry heaving.

"Miss Steele, I'm Dr. Maitland, I am going to inject something into your IV line to help you with the nausea." she says calmly and I nod. I don't care what she is giving me as long as it makes the nausea go away.

"My head hurts" I croak between two dry heaves.

"I'm sure it does, you have a concussion Miss Steele, you'll get some pain relief once the nurse returns with your water."

I nod and lean back in the bed as the dry hieves stop. "How did I get here."

"You don't remember?"

"No, I remember having dinner with my boss, but after that I can't remember a single thing."

Dr. Maitland sits down on the edge of the bed. "You were brought into the emergency room last night around 9 pm. It looks like your boss put some sort of drugs into something you drank or have eaten during dinner. We have taken a sample of your blood and the lab results should be in this afternoon. From what I could find out the police arrived at your hotel after the owner heard you scream and came into the room, only to find you unconscious with your boss undressed in the room..."

Oh my god, I feel sick all over again... has Jack raped me... this can't be happening... how and why can't I remember?

"Did he ... rape me?" I choke the words out and I want to cover my ears afraid to hear the answer.

"No, he didn't. Like I said the owner came in before your boss had the chance to rape you. You were still wearing your underwear when you were admitted and there are no signs of sexual assault on your body. All in all, you have been very lucky, Miss Steele, I have seen many cases were the victims of these drugs didn't manage to call for help..."

"Call for help?"

"You managed to scream, which alerted the hotel owner, who was in the room next door at the time. He entered the room with a master-key and saved you."

I nod, still trying to really comprehend what happened. Jack drugged me... but how did I get the concussion? I can't even think straight, this is all just confusing me. So, I am glad when the nurse returns so I can have some water, take something for my headache and minutes later I am asleep again.

When I wake the next time, I feel slightly better, but then I realise that it is after 12 pm, which mean it is 3 pm in Seattle and Kate is at the airport waiting for me to pick me up.

To my relief I find a phone on the nightstand and dial Kate's cell phone.

"Kate Kavanagh?"

"Kate, it's me, Ana."

"Where the heck are you, Ana. Did you miss your flight?"

"No, well yes. I am at the hospital, they want to keep me here until tomorrow and..."

"Hospital, oh my gosh, what happened?"

"I'm not really sure, a doctor told me that Jack drugged me and tried to rape me and..."

"What the fuck, which hospital? I am taking the next flight."

"Kate you don't have to..."

"Anastasia Steele, do not tell me to stay here in Seattle while you are in a hospital in freaking New York all alone. Which hospital are you in?"

"I don't know I..."

"Look, I need to get a ticket, I'll call this number as soon as I have landed."

"Okay, thanks" I can't help it, I start to cry.

"Hey, don't cry, you are setting me off, too. I'll see you soon, Ana" Kate hangs up and I just sit in my bed and cry like a baby. Here I was thinking that New York was the best thing for me and now I am in the hospital after being drugged by my boss and nearly raped by him. I guess that makes it official; my life sucks!

And in the middle of me celebrating my own little pity party there is a knock at the door.

"Come in" I call out and quickly wipe my tears away. When I look up there is a man carrying a beautiful flower bouquet. He is tall and very handsome, but as I look into his eyes I gasp and so does he, because it is like I was looking into my own eyes. He clears his throat and takes a step closer.

"Miss Steele, it is good to see you awake. I am Gideon Cross, I own the hotel you stayed in."

"You saved me" I murmur and he nods.

"I brought some flowers" he says and places the vase on the nightstand.

"Thank you, but you really didn't have to come here, Mr. Cross."

"Please call me Gideon, and actually I had to. Your mother is Carla Mae Wilks, right?"

"Yes, well her last name is Adams now, but how do you know who my mother is?" This day just gets more and more confusing.

"When I saw you yesterday, you reminded me a lot of my aunt, I haven't seen her since I was a little boy, so I wondered if you could be her daughter. My aunts name is Carla Mae Wilks, your mother."

"But... I don't understand, my mother always told me that she doesn't have a family, her parents died before I was born and ..." I hold my head in my hands when the room starts to spin again and I hear Mr. Cross call for a nurse.

"Miss Steele?" I look up and see nurse Betty at my side. "The room is spinning."

"I'll get Dr. Maitland, try to lie back down and take deep even breaths, it takes a while for the Rohypnol your boss gave you to get fully out off your system, those are common side effects, but I am sure you will feel better soon." she leaves the room and I try to take a couple of deep breaths.

"Look, I am going to leave, you need to rest. I shouldn't have brought this up now, so I apologize, I leave you my card, call me if you need anything or if you want to talk about what I've told you." I nod and he places a business card on the nightstand and leaves.

When I am no longer dizzy I take the card and look at it.

Gideon Cross

CEO of Cross Industries

Oh no, I am cursed... I came to New York to get away from one CEO and now there is yet another CEO in my life, well at least this one isn't going to break my heart as he is most likely my cousin, meaning that my mother has lied to me all of my life... just fucking great, could my life get anymore complicated?!

_**So, there he is Gideon Cross; I have to say at first I wanted them to have a relationship, but after I gave this story a lot of thought and I knew it was going to have A&C HEA I just couldn't do it. To me Ana is the kind of person that makes her partner feel special and loved each day they are together, so having Gideon fall for her just for her to go back to Christian in the end seemed heartless to me. Also there will be no Eva, I just don't really like her or the fact that Gideon who was already troubled enough became a murderer because of her. So, I am eventually going to have him fall in love with someone else...**_

**Oh and of since I forgot to put in a disclaimer until now, here it goes: I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey or The Crossfire Series; all characters belong to E.L. James and Sylvia Day.**


	4. Chapter 4

_**I don't know what it is with this story, but it is forcing me to write chapter after chapter, even when I want to write a chapter for one of my other stories... so here is yet another new chapter... **_

_**Oh, and like I've said before, this will be the last appearance of Christian for a while...**_

_**Ana**_

The cops stopped by to talk to me, but I couldn't tell them much as I still can't remember what happened. At least now I know that I got the concussion when Jack hit me. He is still in police custody and refuses to make a statement. Roach called me and apologized over and over for letting me go on a trip with Jack, it actually makes me think that he knew that Jack is a creep and that he is just scared that I am going to sue the shit out of SIP. I probably should, but I still want to work there, so as long as Jack won't return to work I am fine.

Kate has landed about an hour ago, she wanted to go to my hotel and get my belongings for me. I called the reception to let them know that Kate was stopping by. I have to stay at the hospital until tomorrow because I am still dizzy and my headache is killing me, so they want to make sure that I am better before I leave. At least I don't have to worry about the hospital bills or how I am going to get back to Seattle, because Roach has already promised me that SIP would pay for a new plane ticket and everything else.

If I wasn't feeling so poorly I would have loved to call my mom, if Gideon is right, she has lied to me about not having a family and I am wondering why. I mean, she struggled to make a living for us after my father died and before she met Ray. If she had living relatives, why wouldn't she ask her parents or her sister for help? Well, maybe they have disowned her after she got pregnant with me and married my father, that would be a reason why she never talks about them, she doesn't want me to feel like I am the reason her family doesn't talk to her anymore.

I decide I will call her once I am back in Seattle and that I won't contact Gideon until I have heard my mother's site of the story. I mean, yes, Gideon seemed like a really nice guy, but if recent experiences have taught me anything, then it is that I can't trust my instincts when it comes to men. I mean Jack, Christian, José... they all seemed to be nice guys and turned out to be creeps and assholes, so this time I am going to double-check everything before I allow anyone new into my life, family or not.

When Kate arrives at the hospital she gasps when she sees me.

"Oh, that rat bastard, shit... that must hurt" she hisses and takes a look at the bruise on my temple.

"It's okay, it doesn't really hurt, though I have taken some meds, so I can't really tell. Thank you so much for coming here, Kate."

"Hey, it's okay, I was worried sick thinking about you all alone in a hospital in New York. I have also talked to my dad, he knows some good lawyers and..."

"Kate, please. I don't need a lawyer, the state of New York is going to deal with Jack, and I am not going to sue SIP."

"What? But Ana..."

"No, look, I want to continue to work at SIP, so lets just talk about something else."

"Fine, so I we can fly back tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, SIP is going to take care of my ticket and I will give you the money for yours back."

"Don't be ridiculous, Ana. My dad paid for it. It's cool, I would have asked Christian if he would take us back to Seattle in his private jet, but he is going back tonight and since he was such an ass at my birthday I really don't want to see him."

"He is here?"

"Yes, some fund-raiser he had to attend, he arrived yesterday evening. The bastard, Elliot called him to tell him what happened to you and he acted like he didn't even care... oh I am sorry, Ana. I shouldn't have even mentioned him." Kate looks at me apologetic and I shake my head sadly.

"I don't care anymore, Kate. He has moved on, so I have to do the same."

"Good, let's just never talk about the bastard again." and as Kate says those words all I can think is: easier said then done...

_**Four days later**_

_Okay, Ana you can do this, this is your work place, now put on your big girl panties and go inside! _

I have been standing outside of SIP for at least 10 minutes now and I have this sick feeling in my stomach. Maybe coming back here was not a good idea. But it is my workplace and I love my job. So, I take a deep breath and go inside.

"Hey Ana, I hope you are okay, I've heard what happened... you know with Jack. He is such a creep, no wonder he never had an assistant that stayed for more than three months. Oh, and Roach wants to see you in his office." says Claire who works behind the front desk.

I stare at her for a second trying to comprehend what she just told me.

"Wait, what do you mean none of his former assistants stayed for more than three months?" I ask and she looks around if anyone is listening before she speaks.

"Look, Hyde is a creep, Roach threatened to fire his ass a couple of times, but he couldn't prove that Hyde harassed any of the girls that worked for him before you. They all started happy to have landed the job here and then you could watch how with every day here they looked more and more like zombies, just lifeless and depressed. Everyone here knows that Jack is a creepy bastard, but no one ever had the balls to say it out loud."

"I see, well let's see what Roach wants." I mutter and make my way to the elevator. He knew it, Roach knew all along that something was wrong with Jack and he didn't do shit to protect me, instead he let me go to New York with him. And now it is also obvious why he not only called me while I was at the hospital, but also stopped by when I came back home on friday with a huge gift basket and flowers. He is trying to safe his ass. This is it, I have had enough. I can't take anymore shit or I am going to drown in it.

I storm towards Roach's office as soon as I reach his floor and his secretary waves me through.

"Miss Steele, please have a seat. I hope you are feeling better." Roach says and I sit down.

"First, I want to say that I've tried all I could, but what I have to tell you is a direct order from the new owner of SIP. The company was sold about three months ago, but we have kept silent about it, until the company has undergone some changes. Sadly, with the departure of Mr. Hyde, the new owner has decided that Courtney and Linda are going to take over his clients and responsabilities. Seeing that they both have an assistant..." I zoom him out I know what he is going to say next, so I hold my hand up to stop him.

"Mr. Roach, you don't have to fire me, because I quit. I have no desire to work for a company where the boss knows that one of his editors is in the habit of harassing his assistants. Furthermore, I am going to sue SIP. So, if you'll excuse I have to go."

I get up and walk towards the door ignoring Roach who is trying to plead with me not to sue the company. I storm into the elevator, but Roach gets in with me.

"Please, Miss Steele, think about it. SIP can't afford lawsuit, the new owner might sell and..."

"I don't care. You knew that Mr. Hyde harassed his former assistants and you did nothing to warn me, it was sheer luck that he didn't rape me and I've had enough!" I hiss. I am a good person, and I think I can deal with a lot, but at this point I feel that if I am not going to do something, I will spend the rest of my life being someone else's doormat.

When the elevator finally stops I storm out and stop dead in my tracks when I see none other than Christian standing in the middle of the lobby.

"Miss Steele, please re-think ..."

"Is he the new owner, Christian Grey?" I interrupt Roach and he nods.

"You know what, Mr. Roach. You are right, I don't need to sue SIP; I know something that is going to give far more satisfaction." with that I start to walk towards Christian, never breaking eye contact with him and when I reach him I slap him not only hard enough to turn his face, but also to give him a bloody nose and lip.

He stares down at me in utter disbelieve and I am sure I have steam coming out my ears by now, I am so mad.

"I don't know what the hell your problem is Christian, but at this point I don't care anymore. You are one fucked up son of a bitch and once I have left this building I really hope that I don't ever have to see you again." and with that I leave the building, hail a cab and when I am in the backseat I take my phone out of purse look through my contacts and dial a number.

"Alice Brinkley?"

"Mrs. Brinkley, this is Anastasia Steele speaking. We've met at the book convention in New York last week."

"Of course, Miss Steele. I was wondering when you would call. Have you made your decision?"

"Yes, I want to take your job offer."

"Well, that is wonderful. How soon can you arrange your move to New York?"

"I'll be there by the end of the week."

"Perfect, I'll expect you here next Monday at 8:30, our offices are on the 21st floor of the Crossfire Building."

"I'll be there, thank you so much, Mrs. Brinkley."

"You're very welcome, Miss Steele, I have a feeling that we are going to work perfectly together. So, I'll see you Monday." she hangs up and I sink into the backseat of the cab.

Oh my god, I really did it. I, little Ana Steele from Montesano will move to New York to work for one of the most famous publishing houses in the United States.

I ask the cabbie to take me to the bank first, so I can cash in the check Mr. Grey gave me. I won't need a car in New York, so I can use the money to buy a computer and pay a hotel until I've found a new apartment... well most likely a room, as I am sure I won't be able to afford a nice apartment in Manhattan. And for the first time in my life I don't care. All I know is that I have a great new job waiting for me and I am sure I can figure out the rest once I am in New York.

At home I decide to call Ray first, I would like to go to Montesano to tell him in person, but I don't have a car... maybe he can come to Seattle before I have to leave for New York.

I dial his number and he picks up after the second ring. "Hi Annie, everything alright, shouldn't you be at work?" I haven't told Ray what happened with Hyde, and I won't because he would kill him.

"Hi daddy, everything is alright. When I was in New York last week the owner of Brinkley Publishing offered me a job and ... well, I took it. I'm moving to New York, dad."

Ray says nothing for a moment and then clears his throat. "I always knew that you would make it far, Annie. I'm so proud of you, can I help you with anything?"

"Thanks dad, but I think I'm good. Though I would love to see you before I move."

"I could drive down to Seattle on Wednesday, we could have lunch together."

"Really, oh daddy that would be wonderful, I am going to miss you so much in New York." I try not to cry, but even at almost twenty-two, I am a daddy's girl.

"Now, no tears Annie, you've worked so hard to get through college and this job just shows how well you did. Have you talked to your mother?"

"No, I'm thinking about flying to Georgia for a day and then fly to New York from there, so I can tell her in person." _and ask her about Gideon..._

"Good idea, listen Annie, I have to go now, I'll see you Wednesday around noon."

"Perfect, bye daddy" I hang up and decide to look through all of my belongings. I won't take my furniture with me, that's for sure, hopefully I can sell it or Kate keeps it.

I spend the rest of the day by looking through everything that I own and make a list of the things I want to take with me. Then I've started to cook dinner and now I am waiting for Kate and Ethan to get home.

"Hey Ana, is that your famous lasagna?" Kate asks the moment she steps into the apartment.

"Yes, I thought we could have dinner together."

"Sure, though I hope you have made a lot, Elliot is coming over and he eats like a horse!" Kate laughs.

"Don't worry it's enough. When is Ethan coming home?"

"Oh, he called he ran into an old flame and he is staying at her place tonight." she answers and I roll my eyes, her brother is a man whore, ever since he stayed here with us, he has been with at least two dozen different woman, and most of the time he can't even remember their names, but if it makes him happy then who am I to judge him?

10 minutes later Elliot arrives and he has the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

"What has you grinning like a loon, El?" Kate asks and he helps himself to a bottle of beer from the fridge before he leans against the kitchen counter.

"Picture this, I had to stop by at Christian's to go over some plans for a building he bought recently, but he wasn't there. So, I stopped by the kitchen to see if Gail had something to eat for me. She gave me a sandwich and I asked her what she thinks about Michelle. Gail had no idea about whom I was talking, I still have no clue who that chick was, but now I know for sure she is not his girlfriend. But that wasn't even the best part, about ten minutes later Christian came in, he looked like he was ready to kill someone and he had a fucking hand print on his cheek. You could see each single finger, so I've asked whom he had pissed off to get slapped like that and he kicked me out. Looks like my bro didn't have a good day." Elliot says and I look anywhere but at the Kate or Elliot.

"Oh my god, Ana! Don't tell me you slapped Christian." Kate shrieks and I bite my lip. "Ana... come on, why did you slap him?"

Oh what ever! "Fine, today when I came to work, I've found out that everyone there knew that Jack is a creep, so I was already mad when I reached Roach's office and then he was about to fire me and I ... I quit my job."

"What... wait, you almost got raped by your boss and now they wanted to fire you, I hope you told them that you are going to sue them, do you want me to call my dad?"

"That's nice Elliot, but you don't need to call your dad. Anyway, I told Roach that I was going to sue SIP and wanted to leave when I saw the new owner in the lobby, namely Christian."

Kate who just took a sip of water splutters it all over the floor. "Are you kidding me? He bought SIP and got you fired, now that's enough Elliot, your brother crossed the line by far..."

"Kate, I wasn't finished, because well, I was so mad... so I decided that there was one thing that would give me even more satisfaction than to sue SIP. Umm... well ... I walked up to Christian and slapped him so hard that he ended up bleeding from his nose and lip." Again I do not dare to look at Kate or Elliot and just stare at my hands.

"Way to go Ana, hah I wish I had seen his face. Did he say something?" Kate giggles.

"No, he just looked at me as if he had no idea what just happened." Now I have to giggle too, Christian's face was a real Kodak moment.

"Well, serves him right, and don't worry about your job, I am sure my dad can help you find a new job."

Oh boy, here goes nothing. "I already have a new job... you know, while I was in New York I've met the owner of Brinkley Publishing and she offered me a job. I called her today and accept the job offered, I have to be in New York on Monday."

I look at Kate and if I am not mistaken she is trying hard not cry until the tears spill over and roll down her cheeks.

"Kate, please, this is such a big chance for me, and let's face it, by now I am probably number one on Christian's shit list, so getting a new job here in Seattle is going to be impossible. Besides, you can always come to New York and visit me."

"I know, and I am happy for you, it's just... you are my best friend and one of the few people who can stand to be around me for long, what am I going to do without you?"

"Well, first you have Elliot and then you have to plan a wedding. You have your job and if you quit the bitch act or tune it down just a little, I am sure you will end up with more friends than you ever had before. Come on, Kate, don't make this harder for me than it already is." I beg and Kate blows her nose rather unladylike.

"Okay, so New York... we have a lot to do Steele, first I am going to call my mom's cousin Ellen."

"Huh?"

"She lives in Manhattan, she is divorced and her daughter moved out to go to college, meaning, she has a lot of free space in her home. You will need a place to stay until you've found an apartment, and if you want an apartment in New York, you better not waste any money for staying at a hotel."

"But she doesn't know me Kate and..."

"She is a darling Ana, she will be delighted to have someone at her place. Don't worry, besides, it gives you time to find a place you really like, so you don't have to take the first place you can afford just to get out of a hotel."

Well, she has a point, I really don't have much money, so it's best to spend as little as possible.

"Okay, fine. Thank you, Kate."

"Good, see what's next, oh we need to look through your clothes and..."

"Kate, please, I really don't have any money to spare and I have clothes."

Kate looks at me and shakes her head. "Look Ana, New York is not Seattle, and Brinkley Publishing is like huge, I just want you to fit in. Let me buy you some things, just the basics, you know some nice skirts and pants, a couple of shirts and tops, if you have like 10 really good basics you can match them differently every day and look good at work. Take it as an early birthday gift."

"Kate you know I don't feel comfortable if someone spends money on me..."

"Anastasia Steele, now you'll listen to me, if I let you go to New York I want you to kick ass. I just want you to fit in and it's just some clothes, if you don't want to come shopping with me I'll go and buy it myself, but please, can I do this for you?"

"But I have nothing to give you in return" I murmur embarrassed.

"You have kept up with me for four years Ana, you deserve a medal of honor for that alone, and of course you are still my maid of honor, right?"

"There is nothing in this world that could stop me from attending your wedding Kate."

"Perfect, now lets have dinner and go over the details."

"Sure, just umm... Elliot, I know Christian is your brother, but I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't tell him that I am moving to New York and where I am going to work. After today I am sure he is even more mad at me and I am a little worried that he is going to ruin this for me."

"Don't worry, I am not going to tell him, but aren't you curious why he lied about this Michelle chick and why he is on some sort of personal vendetta against you?"

I look at Elliot and sigh. "Look Elliot, I would lie if I would tell you that I don't want to know why he is doing this, but if I have learned one thing in the short time that I have known Christian, than it is you can't get him to talk if he doesn't want to. I love him, it's simple, but if he isn't even trying to talk to me, than there is not much I can do. And frankly, if I don't move on now, I know I will cling to the hope that he is going to come back to me for the rest of my life. I mean look at me, I have lost so much weight, I have cried so much and waited for three months for him to contact me and he didn't. Now he is going all asshole on me and ... I can't do this anymore..."

"It's okay, maybe one day he'll see what an ass he was, until then you should just enjoy yourself."

"I'll try. So who wants to eat my famous lasagna?" and with that we spend the rest of the evening talking about New York and not mention Christian again.

I know that a tiny part of me will always love him, but I also know that I have to move on. I deserve to be happy and from now I decide that I am going to be happy, I don't want to be this depressed girl anymore, I want to be myself again and maybe New York is going to allow me to find out who I truly am...


	5. Chapter 5

_**Just to clear a few things up. Roach was really about to fire Ana, and no, Christian is not going to sue her for slapping him... I know many of you have asked for Christian's pov and I would love to write it, but at this point of the story it doesn't fit in. At this point the focus of the story lies on Ana, but once Christian is back in the story you will get his pov... And lastly, wow I love to read all of your reviews and all the theories you guys came up with... there are clues in chapter 1, 2 and 4 about what has happened to make him feel that way about Ana, and I saw two reviews from readers who found those clues... and a little hint, it has nothing to do with Elena or the fact that Ana and Gideon are related, because Christian doesn't know that...**_

_**Ana**_

I've arrived in Georgia late last night and because I was really tired I decided to sleep first and ask my mom about Gideon in the morning. Bob is on a business trip, so it's just my mom and I until I have to fly to New York tomorrow morning. Leaving Seattle was hard, Kate and I both cried like babies at the airport, but I know this is the right thing to do. New York is such an amazing opportunity for me, I just couldn't let it pass.

"Ana darling, are you up?" My moms walks into the guest room and sits down on my bed. Well, I guess it is now or never.

"Yes, good morning, mom." I yawn and sit up in bed.

"Good morning, sweetheart, do you want breakfast now or later?"

"Actually, I am not really hungry, but I need to ask you something."

"Oh?"

"I've met someone while I was in New York, his name is Gideon Cross and..." I stop when my moms gasps audible, she is as white as a ghost and suddenly she grabs me by the shoulders staring at me.

"Ana have you been... I mean the two of you... you didn't ... you know?"

"Mom, what are you talking about?"

"Did you sleep with Gideon, Ana?" I am not sure if my mom is about to cry, faint or maybe even vomit, but she sure looks awful at the moment.

"No! My god mom, I am not in the habit of having sex with every man I meet!"

"I know, I am sorry... but Ana you can't be with him, do you understand, you can never be with him. I know Gideon is handsome and he is probably charming and..."

"Mom, do you want to know what the first thing was that he asked me?"

"What did he ask?"

"He asked me if you are my mother. Because apparently I look just like his aunt Carla whom he has not seen since he was a little boy."

For a second my mom just stares at me and the next second she starts to cry.

"Mom, please. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just trying to figure out why you've lied to me, when you told me that you don't have any family besides me."

I hold my mom in my arms for a while, allowing her to cry to get it all out. I have never seen my mom like this. She is usually bubbly and full of life, growing up I've always felt like I am the adult and she is the kid, but I have never in my life seen my mother cry like this other than... no I must not go there.

"Mom, please. Tell me what happened?" I hand her a tissue and she wipes her tears away and blows her nose.

"Let's go downstairs, there is a lot I need to tell you, sweetheart"

In the kitchen my mom makes tea for us and I gape at when she pours some sort of spiced liquor into her tea.

"Mom, it's only a little after 8 in the morning"

"I know, but if you want me to talk about my family then I need it." she takes a sip and stares out of the kitchen window.

"I was born as the second daughter of Martha and William Wilkes. Shortly after I was born my family moved to New York. My family was very wealthy and my older sister Elizabeth... she was always my parent's favorite. I on the other hand was always a disappointment for them. I wasn't good in school, I didn't have ambition to go to college and what ever I did it was never good enough for them. When I was 12 Elizabeth had just turned 18 and she married Geoffrey Cross. He was... well you have seen Gideon and he is resembles his father almost exactly in his looks, only Geoffrey's eyes were sea green and his eyes are blue."

My mom stops and I can see fresh tears falling from her eyes. "He was a great guy, when Elizabeth and he came over he would always talk to me and make me feel like I wasn't the black sheep of the family. I loved him for that. Soon they had Gideon and he was such a beautiful baby, sometimes I was allowed to babysit him... such a precious little boy. Sadly for him my sister wasn't motherly at all. She had hired a nanny from the get go. Geoffrey was a successful man, but it wasn't enough for Elizabeth, she wanted her husband to be the most successful man in New York. I've spent the summer before I turned 18 in their home. They would always fight and Gideon would crawl into my bed at night scared of all the screaming between his parents. Geoffrey had changed a lot over the years, he became very silent and withdrawn, it was like my sister was slowly but surely sucking the life out of him. One night she was out and I was alone with Gideon and Geoffrey. After Gideon was asleep we sat together, had some wine and for a fleeting moment I could see the old Geoffrey and we ... him and I ... you know."

"Oh my god, mom, are you telling you've slept with your sister's husband?"

"Yes, you have to understand that I loved him, and I couldn't say no, and it was the best decision I have ever made in my life."

"How can you say that mom, I mean they found out, right? They found out and disowned you?"

"Yes, they did and they made me marry Frank Lambert to cover it up."

"Cover it..." Holy fuck, is she telling me... no it can't be. "Mom, are you trying to tell me that Gideon is my half-brother?"

"You have to forgive me, Ana. I just wanted to protect you... my sister and my parents, you don't know everything."

"Then tell me, please mom" I beg, how could she keep this from me, I mean is my father still alive? And why would she lie... I feel like the rug was pulled from underneath me. Is my whole life a lie?

"Geoffrey wanted to leave Elizabeth, he wanted to take Gideon and start over with me. They wouldn't let him, I had no idea what my family had against him to make him do as they told him, but he never talked to me again, so I was forced to marry Frank Lambert and leave New York. Frank's family was friends with my family for as long as I can remember, they gave him some money to marry me and to accept you as his child. He was a nice guy, but my heart was always with Geoffrey. A month before you were born he took his own life. He was the creator of a huge Ponzi scheme and when it all came crashing down on him he shot himself. Don't think your father was a criminal or weak for taking his own life, he was a good man, but my family did what they do best, they broke him down until there was nothing left of him."

"Is that why you didn't talk about them?"

"No, it's what happened at Geoffrey's funeral. I had to go, I didn't care what people would say, the love of my life had died and there was nothing that could stop me from attending his funeral. Of course, since the media was full with stories and lies about Geoffrey no one would even consider attending and he did not deserve this. I am convinced my sister and parents dragged him into this mess and he had to pay the price. When I arrived they ignored me and I tried to focus on Gideon, the poor boy had just lost his father and all Elizabeth did was to tell him to sit straight and that he shouldn't cry, because boys don't do that. I kept my mouth shut until the funeral was over but back at her house I snapped. I told her that it is all her fault and that I would do what ever I could to get custody over Gideon because she wouldn't care about him anyway and then it happened. She pushed me, I was nearly nine months pregnant and was standing at the top of the stairs and she pushed me. It's a miracle that I managed to stop myself from falling down the stairs and my parents they did nothing. All my father said was that I would have been better off had I decided to abort you. I left the house and never looked back."

"But why didn't you tell me. Why did you let me grow up thinking Frank Lambert is my father?"

"Because I never wanted you to find out, and I was afraid you would want to meet them and I didn't want you to get hurt. I love you so much, Ana. And those people, my sister and my parents, they are not family. I can't forbid you from talking to Gideon again, if he is anything like his father I am sure he is a wonderful young man, but please stay away from Elizabeth, she is not a good person."

"Okay, I can do this."

"Good, and Ana, when you meet Gideon, tell him I would like to see him again."

It's been two days since I had this conversation with my mother and now I am in one of the elevators in the Crossfire Building on my way to the top floor to meet Gideon. Well, I hope he has time to see me. I wasn't really sure what to do, so I just decided to come up here and see if he has time to see me.

I've just signed my contract and nearly fainted when I saw my annual salary, maybe it's because living in New York is more expensive by I earn far more than I did at SIP. I will start next week, so I have enough time to find an apartment. Kate's mother's cousin is nice, but I don't want to stay at her place for long. This woman is talking none stop and like Kate she knows no boundaries, this morning she came into the guest room while I was still asleep and locked through my clothes to pick out an outfit I could wear today. I know I am not good when it comes to picking an outfit, but I really don't need someone to lay out my clothes for me. So, I need a new apartment ASAP.

Arriving at the top floor of the Crossfire Building a red-head who is sitting behind the reception desk buzzes me through the glass doors and looks at me expectantly.

"Hello, my name is Anastasia Steele, I am here to see Mr. Cross."

"Do you have an appointment?" she asks sounding bored.

"No, I am family and I hoped he would have time to see me."

"Please wait a second." she makes a phone call and smiles when she finishes the call.

"Mr. Cross will see you in five minutes, please take a seat over there, his assistant Scott will tell when you can go in."

"Thanks."

True to her word a young man comes into the waiting area about fives minutes later and leads me to a Gideon's office. I step inside and find him sitting at his desk. I can't help it, I stare at him. This is my brother, well half-brother, but to me that doesn't matter. I always wanted to have a big brother and now I have one.

"Anastasia, it is good to see you again, how come you are in New York again?"

"Alice Brinkley offered me a job and I took it. And you know, I thought I'd stop by, I know I should have called... maybe this is a bad idea, you are probably busy and I am interrupting you ... "

"Do you like burgers?" he asks totally out of the blue and I blink at him.

"Excuse me?"

"Burger, you know a beef patty between a burger bun, with ketchup, onions, a bit mustard, some pickles, I like mine with lots of cheese..."

"I know what a burger is" I murmur, why are we talking food?

"Really, because you don't look like you had a good meal in a long while, how about we talk over lunch, how do you like your burger?"

"With cheese and no pickles."

"Onion rings or fries?"

"Fries and a milkshake, please."

"Perfect, sit down, I'll tell Scott to get our lunch." he says talks to his assistant over the intercom and then sits down opposite me.

"So, have you talked to Carla?" he asks and now he looks as anxious as I am feeling.

"Yes, and you were right, she is your aunt."

"So, we really are cousins." he says and I decide it is best to tell him right away.

"Not exactly." his brows furrow as I say this and I take a deep breath.

"Apparently the reason why her family disowned my mom is because she had an affair or one night stand or whatever with your Dad and I am the result of it."

Gideon just stares at me, I have no idea what is going on in his mind, but the next thing I know is that he is on his phone demanding for someone to show up here.

"Wait here, don't leave" he snaps at me and storms out of his office. Well, I guess I have to give him some time to get used to the idea... or I could just leave. But hell, he is my brother, I have to give him some time to warm up to the idea.

After 25 minutes alone in his office, I give up, take my purse and I am just about to leave his office when he returns and with him a beautiful woman in her early fifties, she sees me and freezes before a bitter smirk shows up on her face.

"Well, look at you, poor thing, you really can't hide who your mother is, can you?" she says and now I know who this woman is, it's my mother's sister Elizabeth.

"I would say that I am rather lucky, because my mother is very beautiful woman." I answer clipped and she continues to stare at me which is really unnerving.

"Mother, Anastasia talked to aunt Carla, guess what she told her?" Gideon hisses and I am not sure if he is mad at me, his mother or the over all situation.

"Gideon, I don't have the time to play any games, so the answer is yes, this girl is your half-sister, and if she is anything like her mother then my advise is to get rid of her." and with that she leaves the office.

Gideon and I just look at each other and then he says the one thing I really didn't want to hear.

"So, how much money do you want to go away and never come back?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, haileymina you've asked me to update on Thursday, so here we go... but please don't die of happiness, I like my readers happy and alive lol...**

**I was also asked to make longer chapters... I will try, but for now shorter chapter mean regular updates...**

_**Gideon **_

Two weeks, two fucking weeks and I still can't get Anastasia from my mind. My sister... christ, the last thing I need in my life is a constant reminder of my father who took his own life, leaving his mess behind and started a chain reaction in my life that nearly broke me. Still, I can't get over the fact how hurt she looked. She didn't even say a word, she just silently took her bag and left.

I tried not to think about it, but who am I kidding, for the last two weeks all I can think about is her. To say the family I have is fucked up would be an understatement. I haven't set foot into my mother's house since I've moved out and I have no intention to do so as this place is full of memories I do not wish to revisit. My half-brother Christopher is a twisted bastard and my stepfather still holds a grudge against me for buying Vidal Recorders when he hit a rough patch.

He asked me for money, I told him I buy the company and restore it to be profitable. He didn't want it, so it ended up being a hostile take over, but he is still working there and Vidal Records is more profitable than ever.

The one person in my family I don't have any negative feelings towards is my younger half-sister Ireland. Though we don't really have a good relationship as we only see each other two or three times a year. And then I found Anastasia. I thought maybe she could help me fill the void that not having a functional family has left inside of me, but when I found out that she is my father's daughter it brought back all the negative feelings and horrible memories that come to me when ever I think of my father.

So, why the fuck can't I stop thinking about her? _Because that girl has done nothing wrong and you treated her like dirt, Cross!  
_  
Fucking great, now I am having arguments with myself. I need to fix this, apologize and move on. Before I can change my mind I take my cell phone and call Angus to get her address. An hour later I am in the car with Angus driving and frown when he stops in front of a flower shop.

"Why are you stopping, Angus?"

"The background check you asked me to do on Miss Steele showed that today is her birthday, Mr. Cross."

"Really?" He nods and so I get out of the car and buy some flowers, after all I want to apologize, so birthday or not flowers are a good idea.

"Christ, where does she live, Angus, Canada?" I ask annoyed when he we are still driving after more than 40 minutes.

"She lives in Brooklyn, Mr. Cross. According to her address, it must be the house over there."

I watch as Angus points to a shady old apartment building. Has that girl a death wish? For fuck's sake, this is the worst part of Brooklyn and the house... well fuck, now I am mad and why... _because you care about her, Cross!  
_  
I get out of the car and it takes me another ten minutes to find someone who can tell me on which floor Anastasia lives, because there are no names on the door bells. Fuck, that place makes my skin crawl, she has a good job, surely she can do better than this... and if not I pack her things up and move her into one of the apartments I own, this is just not acceptable for a young woman who lives alone.

_**Ana**_

_Happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me... _great, I guess now I have reached a new high of being pathetic. So far, besides from my job which I love, New York has been the most shitty experience. Number one would be my so called half-brother and then there was Ellen, Kate's relative I've stayed with. That woman was plain crazy. At first I thought she was just going all mommy on me by laying my clothes out for me and everything, but in a matter of days I knew I had to get out of there.

The fourth day I stayed there was the day I left, I came home and found her in the guest room I was staying in, on the bed wearing my underwear masturbating. I didn't say anything, packed my stuff and was out of there only to stay in a motel for four more days.

I thought my luck had finally come back when I found the apartment of my dreams just outside of Manhattan for a rent I could actually afford. Boy, was I wrong, because when I applied for it, it turned out the landlord wanted 6 months rent in advance on top of a 5000 dollar safety deposit. Sadly, there is no way I could have paid that. So, here I am now, in the only place that I could afford, a shady apartment in Brooklyn which I am sharing with what feels like every single cockroach in NYC. If they start talking to me, then I can film a remake of Joe's Apartment and post it on YouTube.

But I try to think positive, I mean once you have reached the lowest point it can only go up, right? So, here I am today, on my 22nd birthday all alone in an apartment I hate with nothing better to do than to sing happy birthday to myself. Seeing yet another disgusting cockroach creep up from underneath the sofa I decide I need to clean this place yet again, but just when I am about to get my cleaning supplies there is a knock at the door. I look peephole and freeze. It's Gideon. Why is he here? Oh my god, I can't let him in, even I don't want to be here, and I don't want to humiliate myself by letting him into this hell hole I have to call my new home.

"Open the door Anastasia, I could hear you walking to the door"

Fuck, well, suck it up, Ana, there is nothing you can do now. I unlock the seven deadbolts I installed on my door and find Gideon holding a beautiful flower bouquet.

"Can I come in?" he asks and I sigh, _come on it's your birthday Ana, let's humiliate yourself by showing your billionaire half-brother your beautiful new home! _Yup, sarcasm has become my best friend lately.

"Sure" I step aside and close the door after he is inside. Shit, with him here my tiny apartment seems to have shrunk to the size of a shoe box.

"These are for you, happy birthday, Anastasia" he says and hands me the flowers.

"Thanks, so why are you here, I mean I didn't really expect you to show up, after you offered me money to go away."

"I want to apologize to you, Anastasia. I was wrong... my father does not evoke pleasant memories for me. I just don't want anything to do with anything related to him, but I shouldn't have treated you that way. That was completely out of line."

"Really, well you said what you wanted to say, I guess you can leave now." My voice is so cold, even I am surprised by it.

"Can't we talk?"

"Talk about what, Gideon?" I snap.

"Are you always such a bitch?" he snaps back and in this moment I lose it.

"So I am a bitch now? Perfect, what is it with men that you think it is okay to walk all over someone who is obviously already lying on the ground. In the last three months I've been through a very painful break up, one of the two friends I had turned out to be creep, my ex boyfriend started some sort of sick vendetta against me, my boss drugged me and tried to rape me, my boss's boss knew that my boss was a pervert and he did shit to keep me safe. I had to find out that my mother lied to me for all of my life about who my father is. I have to live in this shit hole with what feels like a million cockroaches and maybe, just maybe I thought having a brother would be a good thing, because I could need something good in my life, but of course that turned to shit as well... so excuse me if I am being a bitch, but I'm just done... I can't do this anymore... I just ... I want... "

And it happens the meltdown I was trying to hold back so desperately finally happens and I sit down in the middle of my apartment on the floor and I can't stop crying.

"Hey, come on Anastasia it's okay" Gideon has sat down beside me and pulls me in his arms, but I fight him, I don't want his pity. He offered me money to go away, why would he care?

But no matter how much I struggle to get away from him he is holding me, never letting go until I have no more fight left in me and just cry until eventually I am all cried out.

"Better?" he asks cautiously and I nod to ashamed to even look at him. Brother or not he is a complete stranger and I hate that he has seen me like this.

"Good, lets pack your stuff and leave this place."

I look up at him. "What?"

"Look, this place is not safe and frankly it's gross, no offense. You can't live here, you'll get sick. I own several apartments in Manhattan, they are furnished, clean and much safer as this place. There is a free apartment in the building I live in, you can move in there."

I can't help it, I snort. "Sorry, but I am sure I couldn't even afford a closet in the building you live in."

"I don't want you to pay rent." he says and I freeze.

"So, is this your new plan to get rid of me, buying my silence by offering me a better place to stay, thanks, but no thanks."

"No, damn it, I said I am sorry, okay? It was a shock, but I have come to my senses, you are my sister and like it or not Anastasia, I am not going to leave this place without you. So, either you pack your stuff now or you can make things difficult, meaning that I am going to drag you out of here by your hair if I have to and send someone to pack your belongings for you!" he snaps and for a moment him bossing me around reminds me of Christian... _shit don't think about him, focus Ana!_

"Gideon, I can't just accept to live rent free in one of your apartments."

"Yes, you can." he says stubbornly and next he gets up grabs one of the cardboard boxes I just finished unpacking this morning and starts to throw things inside.

"Hey! What are you doing."

"You are coming with me, end of discussion" he hisses and even though I want nothing more than to leave this place I can't take him up on his offer, not if he won't accept me paying rent.

"Only if you let me pay rent." I insist and he shakes his head exasperated.

"Fine, what do you pay for this shit hole?"

"950 each month"

"Perfect, that is exactly what the rent for the apartment in my building is, now pack!" he says.

"I want a rental agreement, written down."

"Works for me, but please don't tell me this furniture is yours."

"No, the former resident left it here."

"From the smell of the sofa he left it because he died in here" he mutters

"That would at least explain all the cockroaches" I pout and for a moment we look at each other and suddenly we both burst into a fit of laughter.

"See, that's a lot better. Now let's get the hell out of here, after all we have a birthday to celebrate and please don't get this the wrong way, but from now on I'll make sure that we meet at least for one meal each day, jesus christ, you are so fucking thin I get the urge to feed you every time I look at you." he says and I look at my hands and continue to pack until 20 minutes later everything is in his car and his driver is taking us to Manhattan.

In his building we ride up to the 15th floor and he opens a door. The first thing I see is the spectacular view of the Central Park from the floor to ceiling windows of the open living space. It's so amazing I have to walk over to the windows and just look outside.

"You like the view?"

"It's breath-taking."

"I'll have someone put a desk for you in front of the windows, you can work and enjoy the view."

"You don't have to do this, Gideon. I don't want to be a reminder of your father for you."

"Right now, all I see is my little sister. I ... I'm not exactly close to my family, they are... difficult to see at least. So, it would actually be nice to have a family member I get along with, because I could use something good in my life, too."

I stare at him, somehow I feel like what he just said was a huge admission for him and I get the feeling that he has ton of issues on his own, but we are family.

"Maybe we can be good for each other."

"Maybe, so what do you want to eat, we can order pizza, chinese, burger, mexican food..."

"Actually, I am not really hungry." Even now I'm still finding it difficult to eat, which is why it is almost time for dinner and so far I haven't eaten anything today.

"Try again" Gideon says and his tone makes it clear that he won't leave me alone until I have eaten something.

"Pizza sounds good." I say with a small smile and smiles back.

And so, I've spent the rest of my 22nd birthday in my new amazing apartment on the floor on the livingroom, eating pizza and getting to know my brother who managed to make me laugh so often in one night, that when I go to bed I almost feel like my old self again. Maybe finding out that I have a brother and meeting him really was the best thing that has happened to me in long while...


	7. Chapter 7

_**I wanted to post this chapter yesterday, but after re-reading it before posting, I ended up absolutely hating it... so I deleted the whole thing and wrote something completely different. All of you who are still looking for the clues or just want to know desperately what has gotten into Christian... this chapter might explain a lot...**_

_**Ana**_

I love love love my new apartment. It's perfect, way too big for me alone, but still perfect. But what I love the most is the view. I've spent countless hours just sitting in front of the floor to ceiling windows admiring the beautiful view of Central Park. I can't believe how much my life has changed over the last month.

I live in this amazing apartment, I have the job of my dreams and I have found a true friend in my brother. Gideon is the best thing that has happened to me in a long while. I think since my birthday there haven't been more than two days where we haven't seen each other. When he is here I even manage not to think about Christian for a while, which is exactly what I need.

I'm still wondering what possessed him to treat me the way he did, but slowly I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I can overcome this heart-break. I've also made a new friend. Her name is Melody and she lives in the apartment next door. We've met two weeks ago when she knocked to ask if I had some coffee for her. I invited her in to have a coffee at my place and we started to talk. She is an actress at the Broadway, but comes from a really rich family who bought the apartment for her. She is really nice and we want to go out together sometime soon. I am not sure that clubbing is what I need right now, but Gideon wants to show me some of his clubs anyway, so I agreed and the three of us want to go clubbing either this weekend or the weekend after, depending on Gideon's schedule.

Tonight, Gideon is coming over for dinner and I want to cook. I haven't done a lot of cooking lately, mostly due to the fact that while I was the one who cooked while living with Kate, all the kitchen supplies were hers, so I didn't even had a pot or pan to cook something. Today, I decided that had to change, so I went on a little shopping spree and stocked up on kitchen supplies. After all I can't live on take out and yogurt for the rest of my life. I asked Gideon if he had anything in mind he wanted for dinner, but he told me as long as it has meat in it, he'll eat it. I guess that is a men-thing...

So, I've decided to make steak with sautéed onions, mushrooms and mashed potatoes. It's easy to cook and yummy. While I am cooking I switch some music on and send Gideon a text asking him if how he wants his steak. I've missed cooking, it's relaxing and as my brother is always reminding me, I need to eat more. I know he is right, but my appetite is only now returning very slowly. So far today I had a banana for breakfast and a salmon bagel for lunch. To me this is a good start, I know it's not enough to gain any of the weight I have lost back, but at least it is enough to prevent me from losing more weight.

I am still in the middle of cooking when Gideon knocks and I let him in.

"You forgot to pick up your mail at the front desk, I got it for you." he says and places it on the kitchen counter, while I get a beer for each of us.

"Thanks" I murmur and take the mail, but freeze when I see the letter on top. What the hell? Why is he sending me a letter?

"Ana, are you alright?" Gideon asks when I just continue to stare at the envelope.

"No, the letter on top, it's from a former really good friend of mine. We had a huge fall out and he became somewhat of a crazy stalker." I sigh, I really thought that Jose was just a good friend, but boy was I wrong.

"What did he do?"

"Well, I kind of knew that he wanted to be more than just friends, but even though he is a good-looking guy, I never saw anything other than a good friend in him. I thought he had come to terms with that, sadly I was very much mistaken. After the break up with my boyfriend I didn't really want to go out, but he had his first exhibition and my roommate left her car for me to use, so I drove to Vancouver to attend the gallery opening. It was a disaster. I walked into the gallery and everyone was staring at me."

I lower my head into my hands, still shuddering thinking about that night.

"What happened at the gallery opening, Ana?" Gideon asks and I sigh.

"My friend Kate and I, we used to live in Vancouver near campus and because both of us had a history of losing our keys, we gave Jose a spare set to keep for us. I thought you know, he is a good friend, so why wouldn't I trust him. I should have never given him those darn keys. He is photographer, and in his mind I am his muse. The entire exhibition was picture after picture of me. Some of them I was aware he took, others not so much, especially the ones of me sleeping naked on my bed with nothing but a sheet covering my hips. It was like I had walked directly into some weird nightmare. And the scariest part is, he introduced me to everyone as his girlfriend."

"What the fuck? Did you call the cops, has the fucker sold those pictures?" Gideon is fuming, and I know he won't like what I am going to say next.

"No, I did not call the cops. I was too shocked and I just wanted to leave. He tried to stop me and we had a rather heated argument, I told him I wanted all the pictures, stormed out and went home. A couple of days later the brother of my roommate came to stay at the apartment I shared with her in Seattle and I told him what had happened. He was beyond pissed and called the gallery right away to buy the pictures, so I could destroy them. But my luck, someone bought all of them anonymously. Ethan, my roommates brother tried to convince them to get the name of the buyer, but they told him they couldn't give him the name."

"Well, believe me, I will get the name. Who does that? Walk into the bedroom of a friend and take pictures of him or her sleeping. Ana that is serious stalker attitude... christ, I can't believe you didn't call the cops right away."

"I know I should have, but it gets worse. The day after Ethan moved into the apartment I came home from work and suddenly someone wrapped his arms around me from behind me, pulled me close and... you know at this point I was still hoping my ex boyfriend would try to contact me and I didn't know anyone besides him in Seattle who would come on to me like this, so when the person spun me around and kissed me... I just wanted it to be him and kissed him back. When I started to realise that it wasn't him who was kissing me it was already too late. Ethan had come home and saw Jose kissing me and he lost it. He pushed Jose away from me and started to beat him up, all the while yelling at me to get the fuck upstairs. I was so shocked, I just ran upstairs and waited for Ethan. Since then I haven't heard anything from Jose, until now."

"What do you think he wants?"

"I have no idea" I murmur, open the envelope and gasp. This can't be happening.

Gideon doesn't even ask for the note that was inside the envelope and just takes it. All that's written down on it is : _I am still thinking of you. Love Jose xxx_

"Was anything else in the envelope?" he asks and I take the picture out, that is showing me asleep in my bed and him leaning over my head staring down at me. Fuck, how could I not notice him taking all those pictures?

"That's enough Ana, first thing tomorrow morning I'll pick you up and we go to the police. That guy is a crazy stalker, do you have a picture of him?"

"I think so, why?"

"Because I'm going to show it to the building security and Angus, to make sure that the fucker has no chance to come anywhere near you. Do you know how to defend yourself?"

"My stepdad Ray, he showed me how to use a gun and some self defense."

"Perfect, we'll get you a gun as soon as you have your license and I want you to enroll in some self defense classes, maybe you could do Krav Maga, it's a good work out and you learn how to defend yourself."

"Gideon, I don't need any of..." he holds both hands up to stop me.

"Ana, that fucking note and the picture are threads, he is threatening you, don't you see that? Maybe the guy is just a creep with a freaky obsession, but it is also possible that he is a fucking psychopath who is already in town watching you. I'll have someone from my security team following you arround to make sure he is not following you, but I want you to be able to defend yourself if necessary, because right now you are the perfect victim for some sick fuck who believes you are his girlfriend."

"I am not the perfect victim, I can defend myself." I answer a little appalled, but Gideon sighs.

"Ana, you are what 5'3 and 100 lbs, believe me, that alone makes you an easy target for anyone who wants to harm you, therefore you need to be able to defend yourself properly, I am sure your dad showed you some nice moves, but that won't be enough."

"I can handle myself I mean... hey... what are you doing? Put me down, Gideon!" I shriek in protest when he just picks me up, throws me over his shoulder and walks over to the balcony.

"Come on try to get away, Ana. Show me that you can get away and I won't mention it again" he says all serious but no matter what I try I can't get out of his hold and suddenly he puts me down.

"See this, I held you like that for three minutes, that would have been enough time to throw you off the balcony, strangle you or tie you up to rape you. The only thing that happened from your struggle is that you are exhausted and while I am as fresh as a daisy ready to pounce. I am not trying to be mean, but I want to help you and I want you to feel safe. Sure, I could have security breathing down your neck for the rest of your life, but I don't want you to feel like you always have to depend on someone else to feel safe. I want you to know that no matter what happens you can handle it, and learning to defend yourself is the first step in that direction."

He stares at me willing me to get his point and sadly, I have to agree, he is right. I wouldn't have a hope in hell to defend myself against someone his size.

"Fine, I'll do some self-defense classes and get a license for a gun. Man, I need to get stronger" I mutter and he wraps one arm around my shoulder.

"I know, and the first step for you to become physically stronger is to eat regularly and not just a banana and tiny bits of dinner each day. So, let's have dinner, there is something else we need to discuss."

"Okay" I put our food onto plates and we sit down to have dinner.

"So, there is something I wanted to discuss with you for a while now, but I was a little worried you would take it the wrong way, so just hear me out first." I nod and he takes a long sip of his beer before he starts.

"Our my mother's parents, our grandparents... they passed away a couple of years ago. I didn't really get along with them... they always thought I was a constant reminder of my father and what he did. Anyway, after our grandmother died our grandfather changed. It seemed like there was something torturing him, he knew that he wasn't going to live much longer because he was sick. The one time I went to visit him at the hospital I overheard him having an argument with my mother. At the time I didn't understand what it was about... much less so his will, but now I understand."

"What do you mean you didn't understand his will?"

"They were rich, my mother got their real estate, jewelry and shit, but all the cash went to Christopher, Ireland and me. The thing I didn't get was that he had changed his will five weeks before he passed away. It was handwritten and it said that he wanted his money to be divided between all of his grandchildren. He had written the word 'all' in capitals and even underlined it. At the time I thought maybe that was his way of letting me know that he wanted me to have some of his fortune, too. Now, I finally realise he was referring to you. He wanted you to get a quarter of his fortune, and I want to give you the money, it belongs to you Ana."

I stare at him. I didn't even know my mother's parents and for all that I know they wanted her to kill me before I was even born.

"Gideon, I don't want any money."

"Please, just think about it. He wanted that all of his grandchildren get money, so that includes you."

"Gideon, do we really have to talk about this? I mean what difference does it make if I take a couple of thousand dollars or not." I mutter and he snorts.

"We are talking about roughly 12.5 million dollar that are yours, Ana."

"But... that's insane! What am I supposed to do with all that money? No no no, you keep it. I mean look at me, I like to run around in old sweat pants and over sized t-shirts, I am not a freaking millionaire! Much less so when the money comes from people who wished that I wouldn't even exist!" Actually, I feel like I am about to have panic attack.

"Ana, please relax. Think about it, that is all I am asking you. Even you don't need the money now, you can just invest it and make more out of it..."

"More" I squeak. Is he insane? Like going from nothing to being a millionaire wouldn't be scary enough now he wants me to make more out of the money... but maybe if I decide to take it, I could support charities with the money.

"What if I want to donate most of it" I ask and he smiles.

"Somehow I was sure you were going to say that. And that is fine, it is your money Ana. I would like to help you get in touch with some charities and if you like you can also donate for the Crossroads Foundation."

"Since there is a Cross in the name I assume you founded it?"

"Yes, its main purpose is to help abuse survivors." he says and for a moment my mind drifts back to Christian.

"That sounds like a really good cause. Okay, I'll take the money if you help me to get in touch with your Foundation and others."

"Deal, oh and there is one more thing, but let's enjoy our dinner first, eat up!"

I roll my eyes, but eat everything that was on my plate. He is right, I need to eat more to get stronger. I don't want to be an easy target for anyone.

After dinner Gideon asks me to change, so I am sure what ever he wants to show me is outside. I hurry into my bedroom, change into some jeans, a t-shirt and chucks before we leave the apartment and take the elevator down to the garage of the building.

"You know, I never gave you a proper birthday gift, and you have told me that you had this old VW Beetle you loved so much... so I thought..."

He leads me around a corner and my mouth pops open. Holy shit! In front of me brand new light blue VW New Beetle.

"I hope you like it. I thought you could name it Wanda 2.0" he says a little unsure of my reaction.

I really want to be mad at him for buying me something so expensive, but I can't because he actually has put a lot of thought into it, by picking a car that resembles my old car. And he even remembered the name I had given my car although I only ever mentioned it once.

"Oh my god, I love it, thank you so much... but no more expensive gifts, okay?"

"We'll see" he chuckles because by now I am almost bouncing up and down like a three-year old.

"Can we go for a ride?" I ask and he hands me the keys.

"Sure, let's go" and with that we both get into car and I drive towards the I-78 once we are on it I hit the pedal to the metal and for the first time in a long while I feel free and there are no thoughts of Christian, Jose or Jack Hyde...

_**For those of you who are worried that crazy Jose is going to cause trouble... don't worry too much, after all Ana has a big brother to protect her... **_


	8. Chapter 8

_**I know most of you want Christian back in the story now, but there are some things that need to happen first, Carla and Gideon are going to meet. An update on Hyde and Jose. Ana meeting Gideon's sister Ireland... and of course Ana is going to find out about Gideon's past, which is going to have an impact on her life, the way she sees things and what she really wants to do with her life... so it will take about 3 or 4 chapters until Christian is back in the picture...**_

_**I also want to answer some of the most frequently asked questions:**_

_**Did Christian know about Hyde's reputation? - At first I wanted to go with yes, he knew. But after giving it more thought I decided that no, he had no idea. After all this story is going to have a HEA, so let's not add more to the huge pile of things he has to grovel for...**_

_**Are they going to meet again at Kate's wedding? - Nope, I love Elliot, so I don't want to ruin his wedding when those two hotheads are going to collide :-)**_

_**Was Christian the one who bought the pictures? - Maybe this chapter is giving you the answer to that question...**_

_**Is Ana going to tell Gideon about Christian? - She is not going to tell him whom she dated or that he was into BDSM and hit her with a belt... but he will know that she dated someone and after they ended their relationship he treated her poorly, so Gideon is not going to be a big fan of Christian once he finds out...**_

_**Does Christian know that Gideon is related to Ana? - No, the background check he did on Ana wouldn't provide that information and he never did one on her mother, so he doesn't know that Ana and Gideon are related...**_

_**Ana**_

The last three weeks have passed so fast, I can't believe that Thanks Giving is just around the corner. Ray is going on a fishing trip he had planned for a long time, so I've decided to visit my mom and because she really wants to see Gideon, I asked him to go with me. At first he seemed a bit apprehensive, but now it's settled and we will go down to Georgia two days before Thanks Giving and stay for a week. Alice gave me the time off at work, but I am going to take some manuscripts with me to Georgia, so I can work from there.

Other than that I have met some of Gideon's friend. One of them is Magdalena Perez. I guess we could have become friends, but before Gideon even had the chance to introduce us, she was giving me dirty looks and proceeded by asking Gideon if he had done a DNA test to make sure I am not some sort of gold digger. I mean I do get that she wants to protect her friend, but she could have waited to ask something like that until I am not in earshot.

Gideon got pretty mad at her and I haven't seen her since then, let's just hope it stays that way. And then I've met another friend and business partner of Gideon's Arnaldo Ritchie. He is a famous cook and has his own show at the food-network, apart from that he is the chef at Tableau One, one of the most popular restaurants in NYC at the moment. We had dinner there last week and the food was so delicious I even managed a second helping of the cannoli I had for dessert. When I finished both Gideon and Arnaldo were smirking at me, but I didn't care and Arnaldo gave me some more to take home with me for the next day. Gideon thinks that he has it bad for me, and while I think that Arnaldo is a very attractive man, I am no way near ready to think about putting myself out there again.

And then there is Kate. Until last week she had no idea that Gideon is my half-brother. I just needed some time to wrap my head around everything and my bad, she read an online blog that had pictures of Gideon and me on our way to a function he asked me to attend with him.

We talk over Skype for about an hour and she was speechless once I had told her everything. After she found her voice again she actually laughed and told me that I just couldn't get those crazy rich CEO's out of my life. Though, thankfully that was the only time she mentioned Christian. It will be hard enough to see him at Kate's wedding, but she is my best friend and come hell or high water, I am not going to miss her wedding to avoid Christian. If he thinks that he can continue to walk all over me on the rare occasions we have to see each other, he is sadly mistaken, because I have decided that it is time for me to grow up and be strong.

I've enrolled in Krav Maga, but so far all it gets me are new bruises every time I have a lesson. Still, I like it and I feel like I'm slowly starting to get the hang of it. I also got the licence and a gun and sadly I already needed it. At first Gideon found out that Jose really followed me to NYC, but they couldn't get a hold of him. Four days ago when I left the Crossfire to have lunch with Mira, a friend of mine from work, he was standing on the other side of the street, just staring at me like a fucking creep.

At first I wanted to talk to him, but then I heard Gideon's voice in the back of my mind telling me not to make such a stupid move. So, I gave Angus a call, but Jose managed to get away again. I actually felt safe with the gun and knowing that I had a restraining order against him in place, but a day later Jose really raised the bar. I got a call from the front desk, telling me that Paul Clayton was here to see me.

I was a little surprised, but since I have finally entered the world of social networking and had added Paul recently as a friend I thought he might wanted to stop by. After all he is studying at Princeton and the drive from Elizabeth in NJ to Manhattan is not even an hour. So, imagine my shock when I opened the freaking door only to find Jose.

I wanted to shut the door in his face, but he entered my apartment before I could do anything and started to go on and on about us being in love, that I am his muse and that he did everything he could to make me see how much he loved me. He scared me so much and that I made a run for my bedroom, looked myself in it, grabbed my gun and called the police and Gideon. All the while Jose banged against my door completely enraged threatening to kill me, because apparently if he can't have me then no one can. Thank God, that the doors in this apartment are so heavy, because otherwise in state of panic I was, I would have shot him.

After I had told Gideon what was going on it took him two minutes to come down to my apartment with Angus and they managed to subdue Jose until the police arrived. Because the doctor who evaluated Jose thinks that he has a serious mental condition he was admitted for further treatment, but I still pressed charges, even if they can't put him through a trial, I needed to do this for myself. I have taken so much shit without doing anything, that it almost felt like making a statement _'Don't fuck with me, because I am going to bring you down!'_ and it felt good.

Hyde on the other hand is facing trial in Seattle soon. The other assistants he had finally opened up about what he did to them. I might have to go to Seattle for one day to make my testimony, but that won't be until the new year. I've also heard that Roach was fired at SIP and that it is now re-named Grey Publishing.

Gideon found out the name of the person who bought the pictures. A guy called Franklyn Richter from Vancouver, but when Gideon called him to buy the pictures he found out that this Richter guy bought the pictures for someone who wanted to remain anonymous. Turns out the guy had signed an NDA... hearing that I asked Gideon to let it go. I know it can't be, but I was actually paranoid enough to think that Christian is the one who bought the pictures and I so don't want Gideon to find out that I dated Christian and that I broke up with him because he hit me with a belt. Yeah, I can totally see my overly protective brother loving that one...

And the money... Gideon convinced me to keep at least half of it, after all one day I might want to travel, buy a house or something like that and of course I actually learned very quickly that it is nice to know that I can buy what ever I want should I desire to do so. For now, I want to help charities. I've met with a couple of people who are working for the Crossroads Foundation and their work amazes me. They are doing so many good things and even invited me to come to one of the events they are organizing for children that have suffered abuse.

Going there was an eye opener for me, to see how simple things like being allowed to play and having some ice cream could make these kids so happy made me cry and I've already volunteered to help organize the upcoming events and made a donation for their annual christmas party, where children who otherwise wouldn't get any gifts can come and receive christmas gifts. They also pay for therapy and hospital bills of many abuse survivors, so I definitively want to get more involved to help them raise even more money.

Gideon seems to be very happy that I am now involved with his charity. Though sometimes I wonder if there is more than just the wish to help others behind his reasons for being so involved in many charities that favor abused children. I wanted to ask him, but I can't just ask him if at one point he suffered abuse. I mean yes, we are close, but still, this is a very sensitive topic, so I can only hope that my suspicions are wrong.

I've just arrived home, took a shower and now I am about to read some more before Gideon arrives with dinner, but I am interrupted when my phone rings.

"Ana Steele."

"Miss Steele, this is Garland from the front desk, Miss Ireland Vidal is here to see you, do you want her to come up?"

_Ireland? Gideon's sister? What does she want?_

"Have you checked her ID" I ask, since the Jose incident I am no longer taking any chances.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Okay, send her up. Thank you, Garland." I hang up and frown. I have no idea why Ireland is here to see me. We haven't met so far because Gideon is not close to the rest of his family and I have no desire to see my aunt again, so I had no chance to meet Ireland or Christopher until now.

A minute later there is a knock at the door and I open, finding myself in front of a very beautiful teenage girl, but I am a little surprised because she is glaring at me.

"Hi, I'm Ana, it's so nice to finally meet you, Ireland." I decide to be nice, but she continues to glare.

"I know, I saw pictures of my brother and you on the internet. We need to talk." Okay, so she has Gideon's no BS attitude.

"Fine, come in." I let her in and lead her into the livingroom.

"Do you want something to drink."

"No, I want you to leave Gideon alone! He is my brother and if he wants to have a sister he has me, he doesn't need you!"

Wow, she is jealous of me, but why? Gideon told me they don't see each other more than once or twice a year. But I get the feeling that this is not because of Ireland not wanting to see her brother.

"Look Ireland, I don't want to take Gideon away from you..."

"You couldn't do that anyway, because I was his sister first!" she says and I have to bite my lip so I won't laugh at her, because even though she is acting like a spoilt brat, she is kind of cute when she glares at me all stubborn and sulking.

"Have you called Gideon recently? I mean I am sure he would make some time in his schedule to meet with you."

"No, I haven't called him, because if I do he never has time, so I stopped. You know I thought he just doesn't care about having siblings, but now with you, you guys hang out all the time... and he is _my_ brother, if he wants to hang out with his sister, it should be me!"

And slowly I realise that she is really hurt. "Ireland, I am sorry. Look I had no idea you want Gideon to spend more time with you. And I don't know much about the relationship between him and you, but I am sure if he'd know that you want to see him more he will make time for you. Actually, he should be here any minute for dinner, so you can see him now."

"You are not going to tell him that I told you to go away, right? Please, I see him so rarely and I don't want him to tell me to go home because I was acting like a bitch." she goes from sulking and being bitchy to giving me her best puppy eye look and pleading in less than a nano second and damn, she is good.

"My lips are sealed, but take my advise, if you want to see your brother just tell him, sure sometimes he won't have time because he is extremely busy, but he is not avoiding you on purpose." or at least I hope so...

"You think?" she asks a little hopeful.

"Yes, I mean, he is just not the kind of guy who would hurt or avoid someone on purpose."

"When I was little and he used to live with us, he would sometimes play with me and he always protected me from Christopher. Since he moved out... it's like he just doesn't care."

"He cares, I am sure."

"Maybe... so your mom is my aunt right? I've heard my parents talk and my mom said ... umm... nothing" Ireland stops herself when she realises that what she was about to say could lead to me kicking her out before Gideon has even arrived.

"It's okay, I guess she said something not very complementary about my mom."

"Well, yes... and about you... but you don't seem that bad."

"Thanks" I chuckle.

"So, how is she... your mom. You know are you close?"

"Yes, I mean she lives in Georgia now and we don't see each other that often, but we are pretty close. How about you and your mom?" I ask and she snorts indicating that my first impression of Elizabeth Vidal was right and she is a bitch.

"I don't see her that often, growing up I had several nannies, they never stayed long because of Christopher."

"Your other brother right?"

"Yup, he's a pain in the ass. One time he killed a rat, sliced it open and put it in the bed of one of the nannies. I think he is sick, but our home is big enough so I can avoid him most of the time. My parents are almost never home... not that I would need them around... I am grown up and everything... so I guess it's cool" she says and I feel bad for her. Christopher seems to frighten her and her parents don't seem to care much about what is going on with their daughter. Maybe that's why she is so desperate to get Gideon's attention. I decide to help her a little. I am sure if Gideon finds out that she wants to hang out with him he won't say no.

"That must be Gideon" I say when we hear someone knock at the front door and I hurry to open it.

"Hey, come in. I have a guest." I tell him and he frowns when he sees his sister.

"Ireland, what are you doing here?" he asks gruffly and I want to smack the back of his head.

"Visiting my cousin" she snaps back and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Umm... Gideon, why don't you help me in the kitchen for a second." Before he can say anything I grab his hand so he has to follow me.

"Why is she here, Ana?"

"She wanted to get to know me, ask her if she wants to stay for dinner."

"Why?"

"Because she is your baby sister and she is dying to get some attention from her big brother."

"Surely not" he mutters under his breath and I roll my eyes at him.

"Gideon, she came here basically calling me out for hanging out with you, because as she says she was your sister first."

"She did that?"

"Yes, I mean if you don't want to hang out with her..."

"No, I just... well she was just a small kid when I moved out, so I didn't think she would care now."

"She does, believe me she is desperate for your attention. So will you ask her to stay for dinner?"

He nods and walks out of the kitchen while I unpack the chinese take out he brought over and get the table ready for dinner, but once we are all sitting at the dining table there is a really uncomfortable silence, so I kick Gideon under the table to get his attention and mouth "Ask her something" to him.

"So, umm... Ireland how is school?" he asks her and I have to stop myself from giggling when she starts to tell him in a rapid speed all about her school, the teachers, how bored she is in school and the super hot boy who asked her to the winter ball. He stares wide-eyed at her trying to comprehend everything that she is saying even though she is talking so fast.

"Whoa... slow down Ireland... christ I didn't get half of what you told me, because you talk so fast." he chuckles.

"Sorry... so there is this boy and he is like super cute, but I haven't given him an answer so far because I was only his second choice and he asked Susie Parker first and she is bitch and I don't want her to think that I would take her left overs and ..." Ireland goes on and on about this and I am pretty sure she could easily talk until tomorrow morning.

Since Gideon has a lot of working waiting for him he leaves right after dinner, but I am happy that he asked Ireland to have lunch with him at his office next week.

"So... I guess I should leave then... it's getting late and everything" Ireland murmurs, but makes no move to get up.

"Are you parents home, Ireland?"

"No, just Christopher and he has his stupid friends over. I wanted to stay the weekend at a friend's home, but she got caught cheating in a latin test and now she is grounded."

"I see, so you don't have anything to do this weekend?"

"Nope, you?"

"I have a Krav Maga class tomorrow afternoon, but other than that I have nothing planned."

"Krav Maga, wow I've heard that's kick ass"

"Yup, and mostly I'm the one who gets her ass kicked" I mutter and she giggles.

"So... it was nice meeting you, maybe we can go shopping or hang out again soon."

"Sure, I'll call you" I try to hide my grin, it is obvious that she wants to stay, but now she seems to be too shy to ask.

I wait until she is up and makes her way to the kitchen door. "Ireland?"

"Yes?"

"You can stay here if you like, how about I make some popcorn and you pick a movie?"

"Yes! Oh, we are going to have so much fun, maybe we can go to a spa tomorrow ... or shopping... or ... horse riding or..."

"Okay, okay... we think about something tomorrow" I laugh and so I make some popcorn and get a bottle of coke and two glasses while she picks a movie and we spend the rest of the evening watching all three parts of The Hangover until we both fall asleep on the sofa...


	9. Chapter 9

_**Sorry for the delay, since my kids are with my parents at my aunt's farm for ten days I decided to accompany my hubby on a last-minute business trip to London. I only now had the time to go online to post the new chapter... **_

_**Oh and I know how much most of you want Christian back in the story, but since it will be at least one or two more chapters before he is back, I decided to put a tiny little treat in this chapter, which is working perfectly with the storyline...**_

_**Ana**_

Gideon and I are in his private jet on our way to visit my mom and Bob in Georgia. I've never been on a private jet and all I can say is that it feels like I am in a freaking flying apartment. We are in the main cabin and it has a huge U-shaped sofa a coffee table with a chessboard in the middle, a bar, two more tables with three chairs surrounding them and a freaking fireplace. The color theme is black and white, all very modern and classy. Gideon also showed me the bathroom, that is big enough to house two sinks, a huge tub, a top of the range shower with all sorts of options I haven't even heard of so far and a small sauna. I mean come on, he has a sauna on a plane, that's just crazy. The jet also has a very large master bedroom as well as a smaller one for guests.

Only seeing all of this was a bit overwhelming and then Gideon told me that he owns 6 of theses jets total, and that when ever I wanted to go somewhere all I have to do is tell him and I can use one of them. I had no idea what to say, so I joked that I would take him up on that offer as soon as I find a guy with whom I want to join the mile high club. Let's just say Gideon didn't think it was funny and he told me in no uncertain ways that what ever guy I wanted to date in the future would be vetted by his security first, because I am now a rich young lady and with that come men who only want to get their hands on my money.

I hadn't even thought about that before, but of course, he is right. But since I am not planning on having a date any time soon, I'll think about it later.

Now, we are in the main cabin and I look at Gideon who seems to get increasingly more nervous the longer we are in the air.

"Are you okay, Gideon?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Because you seem to be nervous."

"I... maybe this wasn't the best idea, Ana. Family gatherings haven't exactly been very pleasant for me in the past."

"Well, it's just you, my mom, her husband and I, Bob will probably talk about golf a lot, while my mom is going to cook up a storm for Thanks Giving. All we have to do is to chill out and have a good time. I for one won't even change out of my pajamas for a week." I tell him with a wink and he chuckles.

"I hope you are not planning on wearing the same pajama for seven days, because if that's the case I won't come anywhere near you and ask aunt Carla if you can have your Thanks Giving meal in the kitchen and not with us at the table." he jokes and seems to relax a little.

An hour later we land in Savannah and as soon as the door of the jet is open I see my mother standing at the side of the tarmac.

"A little warning, my mom is a hugger" I tell Gideon as we leave the jet and we are not even down the stairs when my mom starts to run toward us and pulls me into a hug as soon as she has reached me.

"Oh darling, you look so much better than the last time we have seen each other. I was worried, but look at you now" she says and before I can answer her she has turned her attention to Gideon.

"Look at you... my god so handsome, just like your dad" my mom says and ignoring that Gideon stiffens by the mere mention of his father she pulls him into a hug. She steps back to hold him at arm's length and if I am not mistaken not only my mom, but Gideon too has tears in his.

"It's good to see you again, aunt Carla."

"We won't wait this long to see each other again, okay? I want you to know that my house is always open for you. I want you to feel at home with us... now let's go home. I've cooked all morning we can eat right after you two had time to unpack and freshen up." My mom says and both Gideon and I attempt to move towards the car, but my mom is standing in front of us looking at us with a huge smile.

"Geoffrey would be so proud if he could see you two. Believe me Gideon, no matter what Elizabeth or my parents have told you, Geoffrey was a good man and he loved you with all his heart." my mom says and I can sense how uncomfortable Gideon with this topic is.

"Mom, I am hungry, can we leave now?" I ask and she nods, but just as we reach the car I have the weirdest feeling, turn around and nearly bump into Gideon when I see the private jet on the second taxiway that has just landed. Because on the side of the jet are three letters in huge capitals. GEH and underneath it a little smaller it says Grey Enterprises Holdings.

For a moment I feel sick. "Ana? You alright?" I faintly hear Gideon's voice and turn to look at him.

"I... I... I don't know I am feeling a little dizzy" I murmur and before I can say anymore he has lifted me up in his arms and is carrying me over to the car while I still stare over his shoulder to the jet. Even in the car I can't take my eyes of it and just when we drive away I see him. Christian getting out of the jet, he is standing at the top of the stairs and just stares at the car. In this moment I am eternally thankful for the heavily tinted windows, but still I feel like he is staring directly at me and I am only able to look away when I can no longer see him.

"Here sweetheart, eat this" I hear my mom and she hands me a granola bar from her purse, but I am not sure I can keep anything down right now and of course a very paranoid little part of me thinks that Christian is only here because of me. _Please, please don't let this be true...  
_  
Back at my mom's house I finally manage to calm down a little. He wanted to do business here and he couldn't have known that I would be here, much less so when I would arrive, so it must be coincidence. So, after taking a shower I change and make my way to the other guest room.

"Come in" I hear Gideon's voice when I knock and find him putting on a sweater when I enter the room.

"Hey, I just wanted to warn you, my mom's cooking is a hit or miss kind of thing. Sometimes it's delicious, but most of the time it's pretty gross, but don't worry I have meds for heartburn, nausea, diarrhea, constipation, light food poisoning and gas with me." I say and his eyes widen in horror.

"Do I even want to try it?"

"Well... the thing is she loves to cook, so she will be pretty disappointed if no one eats, but she goes to bed early and if the food is gross we will just meet Bob in the garage and order a pizza."

"Wow, now I am actually scared to try the food."

"Don't be, so far she's never managed to kill someone... well, the cat was old anyway, I am sure it had nothing to do with the tiny bits of my mom's pork roast she had only minutes before she died" I say deadpan and his mouths drops open.

"Gotcha!" I giggle and he throws a pillow at me.

"So there was no cat?"

"No, but you should have seen your face" I laugh

"Funny, really but oh hey, if the food kills me I guess you won't be laughing if you find yourself as the new owner of Cross Industries." he says and strolls towards the door.

"WHAT? This is a joke right?" My voice is so high-pitched it sounds terrible even for my own ears.

"No, I was planning on telling you later, but I guess now is as good a time as any. Basically my lawyers were pestering me to make my will for years. I was avoiding it because I really didn't know whom to put in. Now all goes to Ireland and you, since she is a minor you have to take the full responsibility until she's 21." he says that so nonchalantly as if he was talking about the freaking weather and not a multi billion dollar company.

"Can you do me a favor?" I ask shocked.

"Sure."

"Don't die, okay, like not ever or at least until I'm six feet under." I beg and he laughs.

"Good for you that I have no intention to die any time soon."

"Perfect" I mutter and we make our way downstairs.

The food was actually really good and it made my mom happy that we all even managed to eat a second helping of the mango chicken she made for dinner.

The next morning Gideon decided to play golf with Bob, who was completely giddy to have someone who likes golf as much as he does. My mom and I decided to go shopping. I needed new clothes anyway now that my weight is slowly becoming normal again and because I know that my mom is totally obsessed when it comes to shoes and bags I bought her Tory Burch wedges with a matching bag and a pair of black suede Louboutains. She even managed to talk me into buying me the same pair of Louboutains for myself. I can't even walk in them, mainly because I am too scared to break my ankle. But according to my mom shoes like these are mainly for events where one can sit most of the time or simply to look at them. _Hmm... shoes... I'll never get it.  
_  
But since we are going to meet Bob and Gideon at the golf club later for dinner I also bought a very nice dress and some jewelry for myself. I nearly expired when I saw the price, but then I reminded myself that I can afford it now and my heart rate went back to normal. Still, I don't think that I will ever become fully comfortable with the fact that I am a millionaire now.

In the evening we meet with Gideon and Bob at the club, but the entire time while I listen to the three of them having a god time and laughing over silly stories from Gideon's childhood my mom still remembers, I feel like someone is staring a hole in the back of my head. Of course, every time I turn around there is no one even looking my way, but after an hour I can't take it any longer. I excuse myself and make my way to the rest room.

Inside I wash my hands and stare at myself in the mirror. "Get a grip, Ana!" I hiss at my reflection in the mirror just when two women come in and I overhear their conversation while re-applying my lipstick.

"Oh my gosh, can you believe it, first Gideon Cross is here and now Christian Grey, too" One of them gushes and I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Maybe I should just leave... and as I think about it I am starting to get angry. He treated me so poorly and now when I am finally starting to get better he still has so much power over me. In this moment I decide this has to stop. I won't spent the rest of my life being a push over and so I come up with a plan. I make my way to the bar and give the bartender my most winning smile. He comes over to me and smiles back.

"How can I help you Ma'am?"

"A friend of mine is having dinner here, Christian Grey. I don't want to interrupt his dinner and my friend and he are not on the best of terms." I nod over to Gideon and the bartender nods.

"So, would you mind giving him a note from me?"

"We usually don't do that, but I can understand that those two moguls don't get along well, two big fishes in a small pond and all that." he says and hands me a notepad and a pen.

"Thank you, oh do you have Bollinger Grand Année Rose?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Please bring him a glass of it with the note."

"Oh... um... we only sell it by the bottle Ma'am."

"No problem, just bring the bottle to my table." I take my black Amex out and while he gets the champagne I write a short note saying:

_Stop staring at me, asswipe! _

_Yours truly, _

_Ana_

I quickly fold the note and hand it to the bartender. While he takes it to a table that is hidden behind an enormous potted plant I make my way back to table. It takes about 30 seconds when we hear a commotion behind us and all turn around only to see Christian storming out of the dining room with Taylor right behind him and when Taylor stares at me for a second I can't help myself and smirk at him. He glares back and follows his boss outside.

"Ana wasn't that Christian Grey?" my mom murmurs... _oh shit, Gideon can't know that I dated him.  
_  
"I don't know, but I am sure Kate told me he is spending Thanks Giving with his family." I lie.

"Wait you know Christian Grey?" Gideon asks.

"He is the brother of my friend Kate's fiancé Elliot." I simply answer. Technically, that's not a lie I just left some parts of my past with Christian out and just that second the waiter arrives with the Bollinger and I give a small toast to our new family bonds. And with that Christian is no longer mentioned and we all enjoy the rest of the evening. I have to say, that this note and his reaction gave me even more satisfaction than slapping him at SIP...

A day later my mom had a special surprise for Gideon and I. She has kept tons of pictures and some home videos of Gideon and our father. It was weird seeing my biological father for the first time. He looked so much like Gideon and just from watching the videos it was so obvious that he loved Gideon with all his heart. He must have been absolutely desperate to take his own life and I am convinced that Elizabeth Vidal had her hands in it either she pushed him into committing suicide or ... _no I don't even want to go there.  
_  
Since watching all those videos took us until late in the evening we all went to bed after finishing the last one. I've noticed that Gideon seemed to be deep in thoughts, maybe this was the first time he heard someone speak highly of our father and the videos and pictures were just a lot for him to take in. I think about this until I am so tired that I drift off into a deep sleep.

There is the most pained, desperate scream that pulls me from my sleep and I sit up in bed. Have I dreamt the scream? I think in my sleep drunken state of mind, but then I hear it again and I know that it is Gideon. I jump out of bed and hurry out of my bedroom. In the hallway I nearly crash into my mom and Bob who are also alarmed by Gideon's screaming.

Bob opens the door and I gasp. Gideon is having a nightmare, he is screaming in his dream for someone to stop hurting him and that he does not want to be touched. It's horrible he is twisting and turning in the bed in a vain attempt to buck something or someone off him. I am rooted to the spot, not able to move. I knew it, I knew that something terrible must have happened to my brother and this nightmare is all the proof that I need.

"Gideon, darling wake up" I hadn't realized that my mom has moved closer to the bed and I want to stop her from touching him, but it's too late, she has grabbed him by the shoulders and the next second he hits her in his sleep and sends her flying against the dresser in the corner.

"Mom" I cry out and Bob is at her side while Gideon is still caught in his nightmare. I have no idea what to do so I scream at the top of my lungs and Gideon wakes up with a start. It takes him all of three seconds to realize what just happened. I am shaking and my mom is still on the floor with Bob checking her for potential injuries. In the blink of an eye he has grabbed some clothes and is out of the room.

"Honey, go after him, don't let him leave." My mom says still a little numbly.

"Mom..."

"I am fine Ana, now please get your brother to come back here, it's the middle of the night." my mom says and so I leave the room and hurry downstairs where I see Gideon leave the house. I follow him, and find him sitting on the porch with his head in his hands.

"Gideon"

"Stay away from me Ana, see this is what I do" he says and if I am not mistaken then he is crying.

"Gideon, please. It was a nightmare you didn't mean to hit my mom." I sit down next to him and rub his back.

"Why are you doing this? Aren't you disgusted with what you saw?" he asks and looks up. He looks so desperate I can't take it to see him like this so I hug him.

"I am not, and why would I... I... just think that there is more to your nightmare." I say and he stiffens.

"You don't have to tell me. I just want you to know that if you want to talk about it, no matter when I am here for you."

He nods slowly, but says nothing. If this woman... his so-called mother didn't protect him from what ever is haunting him even now in his adult life, I am going to kill her.

We continue to sit like this on the porch until we hear footsteps behind us.

"There you are. I was worried you left, darling. Now let's get back inside, it is cold out here." my mom says and Gideon gets up.

"I am sorry, aunt Carla. I didn't mean..." she holds her hand up to stop him.

"It is not your fault, darling. You were having a bad dream I shouldn't have tried to shake you awake. Let's just forget it ever happened. How about I make some cocoa with tiny marshmallows for us before we go to bed. I remember as a small boy it was the only thing that would make you go back to sleep when you had a bad dream" she says and Gideon smiles sheepishly

"Hot cocoa sounds good, aunt Carla."

"Well then let's get inside."

And with that we all go inside and have a hot cocoa before we all go back to bed, but I can't find sleep anymore. Something terrible must have happened to Gideon and from what I saw and what he said while having a nightmare I am sure someone abused him. I can't see anyone even having the guts to try hurting him in any way now that he is an adult. Gideon is packed with muscles, anyone who would try to hurt him would be stupid, which leaves that he was abused as a child as only option. And while I am in my bed staring at the ceiling I send a silent prayer to the heavens that I am wrong...


	10. Chapter 10

_**Looks like there are two groups now, one who wants Christian back ASAP and the other who wants Ana to enjoy her life without him for as long as possible... but don't worry, the plan I have for this story is actually going to please both groups ;-)**_

_**Another thing, for those of you who have not read Sylvia Day's Crossfire Series this chapter is going to contain some major spoilers when it comes to Gideon's past, so if you want to read the books just skip the last part of this chapter...**_

_**Oh and one last thing, some of you were worried that Gideon would die in this story because I wrote about his last will... don't worry there is no way I am going to kill Gideon that's a hard limit for me ...**_

_**3 months later**_

_**Ana**_

I wake up in the middle of the night from the ringing of my phone. Man, it's only three thirty, who in his right mind calls at this hour? I take the phone and see Ireland's name as caller ID. If she is out partying and needs me to drive her home I will let her have it, I think to myself angrily.

"Ireland, it's the middle of the night" I yawn.

"Ana... I ... can you pick me up." she sobs and her voice sounds so scared that I am wide awake in an instant.

"What happened Ireland? Where are you?"

"Christopher and his friends... I ran"

"Shit, Ireland you need to tell me where you are" while I am talking to her I get up and quickly put some shoes and a cardigan on before rushing into the garage while I am still trying to figure out where she is.

"Ireland listen to me, I can't pick you up if you don't tell me where you are. You have to help me out here, honey."

"The park... near my home. Ana I'm scared and it's so cold."

"I know Ireland. I promise I'll be there as fast as I can, is there anything near like a diner or a shop that has open?"

"No, Ana I'm afraid they'll find me"

"Okay, Ireland I need you to take a deep breath and calm down, can you do that for me, honey?"

I manage to find the park she was talking about on my GPS and put my phone in the hands free and drive ignoring each and every speed limit in town.

"Ireland do you see anything that you could use as a weapon, I don't know a thick branch or a stone?"

"Yes, why?"

"Take it, if those assholes find you I want you to use it."

"But they are a group of seven."

God damn it, this can't be happening. I have met my cousin Christopher only once and he freaked me out. There is something about him that makes my skin crawl.

"Just take what ever you can find and hide, I'm only about 15 minutes away. Did they follow you?"

"I don't know, I climbed out of window. I didn't know my parents would go away tonight."

"Are you hurt Ireland? Have they hurt you?"

"No, but they would have. They were drunk and tried to kick the door to my room in."

"Where was they staff? You've told me you have a housekeeper and a driver who lives at your place."

"Christopher gave them the night off."

God damn it, he is such as asshole, who does that? Terrify his little sister to the point that she is so scared out of her mind that she flees from her house in the middle of the night? Oh, Gideon is going to kill him. Ireland and he have really bonded over the last couple of months. He might be known for being a shrewd and sometimes ruthless businessman, but he would do absolutely everything for the people he loves.

When I finally arrive at the north entrance of the park I grab the flashlight from the glove department and go in. Damn it's pitch black and freezing.

"Ireland where exactly are you?"

"By the pond there is a huge old willow."

"I see it, you can come out now."

I hurry to the willow and gasp when I see her, she is shaking like a leaf and is only dressed in an oversized sleep shirt and it's freezing cold.

I pull her in my arms and feel immediately how cold she is. "Okay, come on, we better get you in the car, I have a hoodie and some sweatpants in my sports bag." She nods and just when we start to walk towards my car we hear different male voices yell her name.

"Shit, come on faster" we are now running towards the car when I hear Christopher yelling.

"Come out you stupid little piece of shit. I swear I kill you when I find you." thankfully we are at my car when I see a dark figure about 10 feet away coming closer to us in a rapid speed. I floor the gas pedal and we take off.

"You okay, Ireland?" I ask and she nods while fresh tears are rolling down her cheeks.

"He is not going to hurt you, Ireland, I promise. I won't let that happen and neither is Gideon."

Once we are at my apartment I draw a bath for her and when she is in the tub I make my way to the kitchen to make tea for her.

By now it's already almost 5 in the morning so I call Gideon.

"Ana, is everything alright, why are you up this early?" he asks and I am surprised that he is up at this hour.

"Can you come to my apartment please, it's an emergency."

"What happened?"

"Please, just come down here."

"Sure, two minutes" he hangs up and exactly two minutes later I let him into my apartment.

"What is wrong?"

"It's Ireland, she called me about three-thirty and asked me to pick her up."

"Wait, was she out with friends and got wasted?"

"No, she was at home and had no idea her parents wouldn't be there. Christopher had his friends over and they scared her so much that she ran. When I found her she was in a park only dressed in a sleep shirt."

"What the fuck, where is she?"

"In the tub, she was freezing cold, so I thought a warm bath and some tea would be best... Gideon she can't go back. Christopher has serious issues and her parents don't seem to give a flying fuck about her."

"Jesus Christ, I always knew that he is a twisted bastard, but I never thought he would do anything to her. Is she injured or anything?"

"No, just cold, but honestly it was like a horror movie. He and his friends were at the park looking for her and yelled her name, but they weren't worried, it was like they were out hunting and she was the prey. And Christopher he yelled that he was going to kill her once he'd find her."

"You are right, she can't go back... I guess she can stay with me for a while, but hell, she can't live alone she is not mature enough she'd live on ice cream and diet coke if she could get away with it." he mutters and starts to pace the kitchen.

"I was thinking about having her move in with me. I have three bed rooms and I am used to having a roommate. I lived with Kate through all of college and she has applied to enroll at NYU in spring, so it would be close."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"No, she is great and... you know she might be almost 18, but she really is still a child. She needs someone to take care of her until she has matured enough to live on her own. I would also like to take her with me to my Krav Maga classes, I don't want her to feel helpless every time she has to see Christopher."

He nods seemingly deep in thoughts, I finish making the tea for Ireland and bring it to her before I get some clothes for her from my closet. After twenty minutes she comes out of the bathroom and we sit down with her in the living room.

"Ireland, what happened tonight?" Gideon asks and she lowers her head and stares at her hand.

"At first I thought it was like the other times when I didn't know that mom and dad wouldn't be home. So, I locked the door to my room and sat on my bed with a baseball bat."

"What? What do you mean you sat on your bed with a baseball bat?" Gideon asks.

"Well, when ever mom and dad are not home Christopher has his friends over. They drink and I am sure they also pop pills, and once they are wasted they start hammering at my door like every ten minutes or they have fun standing outside my bedroom door speaking loud enough for me to hear all the things they are going to do to me once they get inside. I usually listen to them over the air vent in my room. If it's open I can hear everything that is spoken in the living room and today... " she shakes her head and starts to cry again.

I scoot closer to her and start to rub her back. "What happened Ireland? Please, you have to tell us."

"I heard them talk and one of them said scaring me got boring and that he wanted to try something new and then Christopher... he said who ever manages to kick my door in can have me first and then they could all take turns. I thought he was kidding, but then they started to throw themselves against the door and I was so scared. They yelled all kind of gross stuff and when I realized that the door wouldn't keep them out much longer I grabbed my phone and climbed out of the window."

While I am holding a sobbing Ireland in my arms Gideon is pacing the living room like a caged lion and suddenly he storms toward the door. _Oh fuck, that's bad. _

I get up and follow him, stopping him last minute from leaving. "Ana, get out of my way!" he snaps at me and he actually scared me a little, he is absolutely livid.

"No, absolutely not. Do you think I don't know what you are about to do? You are not going to confront Christopher."

"Hell if I am not! He crossed so many lines tonight he..."

"Look at your sister" I grab him by the shoulders and make him turn around so he has to look at Ireland who is curled up on the sofa crying.

"I get that you want to confront your brother, but not now. You are far too angry and the last thing Ireland needs is that you get yourself arrested for killing Christopher. She needs you, Gideon."

"He deserves it, Ana. Lying about what he... but I am not letting him get away with this." he fumes and I have no idea what he was about to say, but this gives me a really bad feeling.

"Gideon, I'm not asking you to let him get away with it. All I am asking you is to wait until you have calmed down a little. Let's give Ireland a couple of hours to sleep, then we take her to the nearest police station and they can deal with Christopher."

"Ana, you don't get it. Christopher is a sociopath, lying is in his DNA, he does it perfectly. He will tell the police that Ireland is lying and they are going to believe him." he insists.

"No, they are not, I was there in the park, I've heard what he yelled. Besides, Ireland wouldn't lie, so why would they not believe her?"

"Sometimes telling the truth is just not enough." he says bitter and again I have the feeling that there is a lot more behind his words.

"Please, just don't confront him now." I beg again and finally he nods and walks over to Ireland. He pulls her in his arms and talks quietly to her. I decide to give them some privacy and make myself a coffee. I guess that's the New York effect, I never liked coffee, but in the last couple of months I started to enjoy a cup or two each day.

So, I have my coffee and let them talk until Gideon comes over to where I am sitting at the breakfast bar.

"Ireland is about to fall asleep on the sofa. Can she stay?"

"Sure, she can have the guest room next to my bedroom." he nods and returns to sofa, but Ireland is already asleep so he picks her up and carries her to the guest room.

"Ana, I will be back in the afternoon to check on her. Call me if you need something or Ireland wakes up earlier."

I nod and watch Gideon walk towards the door. "Gideon wait."

"Relax Ana, I am not going to confront Christopher, I want to, but you are right, I can't afford to get myself arrested."

"No, it's ... what happened to you?" I blurt it out before I can change my mind. In the last three months he fell asleep two times here and both times he had one of those terrible nightmares. I wanted to ask him so many times, but I chickened out every time.

I look at Gideon and from the look on his face I can tell that he knows exactly what I am talking about. For a moment I think that he will just turn around and leave, but then he goes to the freezer, gets a bottle of vodka out and pours some of it into a glass. He sits down staring at the glass and says nothing... for the longest time he just stares at the glass of vodka, but I wait. I know that what ever he is about to tell me, it is not an easy topic for him.

"After our father died my life changed dramatically. I got bullied in school, people would only refer to me as the son of Geoffrey Cross, the swindler who took the easy way out. My mother didn't really care about me and then she married again and had Christopher. From day one he was her golden boy while I was just a bitter reminder of my father. I turned into a really angry kid, I was out of control and about the time when my mother got pregnant with Ireland she had enough."

He takes a large gulp and continues. "Christopher started to copy my behavior and she wasn't having it. So she had a shrink come over to our house. He would bring a doctor in training with him. A guy in his early thirties. Soon the shrink spend more time with my mother than me and I was left alone with the doctor in training. He told me that it was puberty and I wouldn't be so out of control all the time if I would start to masturbate regularly and that he would show me how."

He stops for a moment and I am sure I have a look of absolute horror on my face. A doctor and Gideon couldn't have been older than ten years when it happened.

"At first I let him... I wanted to fit in ... be normal and then it got worse... touching was no longer enough for him. I told him no ... I tried to fight him... it didn't help. One time when he... did that to me, Christopher came into my room. I begged him to help me, to get our mom... but he just watched fascinated. At one point I couldn't take anymore and told my mother what happened. I don't think she believed me, but she took me to a Doctor. He told her there were no signs of any kind of abuse on me. And with that I was not only labeled as troublemaker but also as attention seeker and liar. I was so desperate I told her Christopher saw it happen and he lied, he told her nothing happened and she believed him. I wasn't allowed to bring it up ever again. It was years later that I figured out that Dr. Lucas, the doctor that examined me was the brother in law of the bastard who did this to me. He covered for him."

For the first time since he sat down he looks up at me and his is expression is one of shame mixed with fear. Fear that I won't believe him either.

"Have you pressed charges against that monster later, after you moved out?" I ask and for a moment he just stares at me and then one single tear slides down his face.

"You... believe me?" there is so much disbelieve in his voice that it makes me start to cry.

"Of course I believe you. Oh my god, who in his right mind would make a story like that up? And your mother how could she not believe you? It was her job as a mother to believe you!" Just thinking about it makes me so angry and I want to get into my car and pay her a visit to let her know what a complete failure she is as mother and not just to Gideon but to all of her children.

"I thought it was my fault. I allowed him to..."

"No, Gideon, do you hear me, what happened to you, none of it is your fault. You were a child and you believed that this monster wanted to help you, but that is not your fault. It's his fault, he knew what he had to say in order to get what he wanted."

"I never thought someone would believe me." he says sounding defeated and I take his hand in mine.

"I believe you. I know how you feel about lying and every person who knows you just a tiny bit would believe you. Have you pressed charges against him?"

"No, by the time I wanted to it was too late. I found him anyway and told him that I would use all my fortune to find other victims of him so he would end up behind bars. He... took his own life after that... he had a son about 3 or 4 years old. It's my fault that he has to live without a father." he murmurs.

"Gideon, most likely this little boy would have ended up like you, as harsh as this may sound, but his father taking his own was probably the best thing for the boy."

"Maybe... I don't like to talk about this" he says and empties the glass of vodka. I want to ask him if he has ever thought about therapy, but stop myself. Getting into therapy was what started all of what happened to him...

"I should go now, I have calls to make and e-mails to check." he says and gets up.

"Wait, are you going to be okay, I mean alone at your penthouse? I could make breakfast."

"Ana, I'm living with this part of my past for nearly 18 years now, I'm going to be fine. Don't worry about me, I'm not our father, I won't take the easy way out. So, please don't worry. I'll be back in the afternoon."

"Okay, just if you want to talk again, I am here."

He gives me a smile and leaves. I stare at the door for a while and although it is only seven in the morning I pour myself a glass of wine and sit down. What is wrong with Elizabeth Vidal that she wouldn't believe her own son telling her something like that. Even if a doctor told her there was no evidence, she should have believed him. I am not a mother, but I know if I had child and he or she would tell me something like that had happened I would believe my child no matter what everyone else was telling me.

And as I sit there in my kitchen while having a second glass of wine I think about my brother and what he went through wondering how many children have to go through something like this with no one they trust enough to tell what is happening to them or worse like Gideon finding the courage to speak up and no one believes them... and in this moment I make a decision that is going to change the rest of my life...


	11. Chapter 11

_**You can thank my hubby for this early update, he decided not to wake me from my nap this afternoon and let me sleep for five hours, now it's after three in the morning and I still can't sleep, so I decided to post another chapter ;-) and for those of you who are waiting for an update for The Wild Ones, it will be up either in two or three hours or tomorrow...  
**_

_**A little warning some of you are going to love this chapter, others are going to absolutely hate it... but it is what I was intending to do all along so... here it goes...**_

_**Oh and one last thing, I didn't have the time so far to reply to any pm that came in in the last two weeks, so please be patient with me, I'll try my best to reply to all of them next week.**_

_**2 years later **_

_**Ana**_

Oh I can't believe this is happening yet again. I promised myself I would just stay in bed for five more minutes and now it's an hour later and I am running around my bedroom like a headless chicken trying to get ready.

"For the love of God Arnaldo, can you make yourself useful instead of just watching me?" I snap at him, but he just grins, stretched out naked on my bed and points to his very prominent erection.

"That's not helping that's distracting me even more, now please get up and fix me some breakfast to go, I have to be in Brooklyn in less than an hour."

"Sure, but I have to say I was really enjoying the show" he snickers and I glare at him.

"Thank you, and please put your boxers on, I don't want you to walk around naked when Ireland is home."

"She didn't seem to mind the last time she got an eyeful of me" he jokes but puts his boxers on and leaves the bedroom.

Damn it, I knew I should have told him to go home last night. Since we started our friends with benefits arrangement I'm always late, because he is always keeping me up half the night. Not that I am complaining, but still I hate to be late for my appointments, it's unprofessional.

The last two years have been the most amazing ride for me. After Gideon told me about his past I just couldn't stop to think about all the children who have to go through something like this with no one they can confide in or no one who believes them. And then I realized that I could help change this and so I talked to Gideon, quit my job and started to work for the Crossroad Foundation fulltime.

I also went back to college to take several business and psychology classes. I felt like the more understanding I had of how to help the foundation run smoothly and how to help children the more I could do it terms of helping. With time I've built a network of people who are very knowledgeable in this field and I've learned so much from them that by now I have become a spokesperson for the Crossroads Foundation.

With my team I visit schools and youth centers where I talk to the children about abuse and what steps they can take to get help. We also invite he parents to come to the events and in many schools there are now groups of parents who have volunteered as support groups, so that children who are suffering from any kind of abuse can talk to them. We also have a 24/7 emergency hotline and chat for children and young adults where I also take shifts and then there is Safe Haven.

After realizing how often children have to go in state care, because they are abused at home I decided I wanted to help those children, too. So, I got in touch with Sarah Carter who works for the Child Protective Services and asked her what I had to do in order to open a home for children who suffered abuse. At first I was a little overwhelmed with the list of things I had to do, but with her help and Gideon's I managed to get a team together, get all the permissions I needed and found the perfection location.

Originally the land was a farm, but we remodeled it completely and now 25 children live there and learn how to enjoy life again. It's a great place and I stop by every other weekend to do art projects with the kids or we take them out to go swimming, ice skating and all kinds of stuff, so they can have a good time.

Turning Safe Haven into a home for children was also what helped me to get through a really hard time in my life. About a year ago Ray passed away. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I had come to Montesano to visit him for a weekend and we had a great time, we went fishing and talked so much that weekend. When I woke up on Monday morning ready to go to the airport I went downstairs, but he wasn't there.

I looked everywhere for him and when I couldn't find him I went to his bedroom. At first I thought he was asleep, but when I came closer to the bed I just knew that something was terrible wrong. He had died in his sleep of a heart attack, was what the doctors told us later. Still to this day I can't really remember what happened after I've found him, Gideon later told me that I called him absolutely hysterical and he dropped everything and got on a plane with Ireland, they stopped in Georgia to collect my mom and arrived in Montesano late in the afternoon. Without them, I don't think I would have survived losing my Dad. After the funeral my mom even came to New York with me for a week and only left when I told her that I was going to be fine.

I still own Ray's house. I'm not ready to let go of it yet. Maybe one day, but for now I want to keep it.

But there were also many, many happy times in the last two years. Kate's wedding for example. She and Elliot had the most amazing wedding and Kate was a stunning bride. At first I was planning on going alone, but after I'd found out that Christian wasn't attending the wedding I decided to bring Gideon and we had a great time. I think he has a crush on Mia, but he would never say that out loud. My brother thinks he is not dating material. I highly disagree, but he has to make small steps. At least he finally agreed to do therapy.

A year ago I've met a female psychiatrist who is known for helping abuse survivors. I wasn't sure if he was willing to meet her, but in the end he agreed and is seeing her two times a week now. It is really helping him with his nightmares and he seems to be so much more happy.

And then there is Ireland. I still shudder thinking about the night I've picked her up in the park. We went to the police to report what happened and of course Christopher lied and told them that Ireland was mentally unstable and couldn't be trusted. To make things worse her mother agreed with Christopher and we really thought that the police wouldn't believe us, but in the end it was Ireland's father who finally found the courage to speak up. He told the police that his son was notorious liar and also had a drug problem. Her father knew for a while what was going on in his house, but even he was afraid of Christopher. That shocked me, how could this man leave his daughter with his sociopath of a son, when he knew what he was doing to her?

Well, I'll never know, because after he made his statement he just left the country. Gideon's security found him on St. Lucia, but he refused to come back to the states. Ireland was devastated and her mother insisted she would come home, now that her son was in rehab and would have to face charges once he was out of rehab, but of course Ireland didn't want to go.

Thank God she turned 18 only two weeks after all of that happened, so she could officially become my new roommate. Now we are like sisters and enjoy to go on trips together or have movie nights with our friends.

As for Christopher, he came out of rehab and had to do social service. They couldn't charge him with more as Ireland was never physically harmed, which to me is a joke. The last I've heard of him was that Elizabeth has sent him to rehab for the fifth time. Gideon has someone watching him, but as it is he is a bigger thread to himself than to anyone else.

Then there are Hyde and José. Hyde was sent to prison for 40 years after three of his former assistants confessed that he had raped them and then blackmailed them with the tapes he took of it. Jose on the other hand is still in a mental facility and won't come out anytime soon. He still to this day believes that I am his girlfriend and tells anyone who listens that once he is out of the facility he will find me so we can be together forever, meaning now he wants to kill first me and then himself. At least they have transferred him back to the State of Washington, so I don't have to worry that he will show up at my door for the unrealistic chance that he manages to escape.

Despite all of my work I also started to really live my life. I've made many new friends and I started to travel making my dream to go to London come true. I've also been to Thailand, France, the Caribbean and last month I've spent a week with Ireland, Gideon, my Mom and Bob in Aspen where I took some more snowboard lessons. Arnaldo wanted to come too, but his schedule wouldn't allow it.

Arnaldo... I never thought I would ever have this kind of relationship. Friends with benefits always sounded like something that was bound to end in a disaster to me, but it is working for us. We've become good friends with time and we both felt sexually attracted to each other, we just never fell in love. I was on a couple of dates with other guys, but it never worked out and one night when Arnaldo stopped by for a glass of wine we ended up having sex. It kind of went from there. The only thing we agreed on is that we are exclusive and that we will end our sexual relationship before we get involved with someone else.

Gideon wasn't too happy about our arrangement, but once he saw that we are happy with it he stopped giving us grief about it. I guess as my big brother he just wanted to make sure that Arnaldo hadn't talked me into it. But I have to say I'm really happy with it... for now anyway. Sure in a couple of years I want to find my Mr. Right, get married and have three or four kids, but I am only 24, so for now all I want is to enjoy my life and devote as much time as possible to my charity projects.

"Ana, hurry up. Your driver called he will be here waiting downstairs in 5 minutes" Arnaldo calls out and I glance at myself in the mirror. Since I am visiting a school today I am dressed casually in a long-sleeved blue button down dress with a wide brown belt, legging and boots. My hair is pulled back in a loose bun and I'm wearing a light make up. Before I leave my bedroom I grab my purse and wrap a white loop scarf around my neck.

"Wow, what's that. It smells delicious" I moan appreciatively when I enter the kitchen where Arnaldo is cooking wearing nothing but his boxers.

Damn, if I wasn't late already I would jump him right here in the kitchen.

"Don't look at me like that, Ana. No time for sex" he chuckles and puts a travel mug of coffee in front of me.

"I've made you a croissant with ham, egg and cheese and some cut fruit. Are we still on for Friday?"

"Sure, I'll see you at the club and thanks for the breakfast" I grab the box with my food and the travel mug and leave the apartment.

Once outside the building I struggle to find my sun glasses in my purse and bump into someone on the sidewalk.

"Sorry" I mutter without even looking and finally find my sunglasses. I put them on and Carlos my driver holds the door open for me.

"Good morning, Miss Steele"

"Good morning, Carlos." I give him a bright smile and slight into the backseat of the town car before he closes the door for me. I still drive in my free time, but when I have an appointment one of Gideon's security guys drives me where I need to go. It is just easier for me to have someone who is driving me as I can use the time to answer emails or make phone calls instead of getting annoyed with the New York traffic.

As Carlos pulls into traffic I take the newspaper he always places for me in the backseat and read it while having my breakfast, but I am interrupted by my phone. Scowling I put what is left of my croissant back into the box, take my phone out and frown when I see that it is Kate who is calling me. We have remained good friends and she and Elliot have visited me here a few times, just like I went to Seattle to see them a couple of times.

"Hey Kate"

"Hi, did I wake you?" she asks sounding overly excited.

"No, it's 9 o'clock in New York, but why are you already up?"

"Because Elliot and I need to tell you something, wait I am putting you on speaker." she says and a second later I hear Elliot.

"Hey Ana banana, everything going well in New York?"

"Sure, so what is going on?" I ask and they both answer at the same time.

"We are pregnant!"

"What?! Oh my god, that's wonderful, congratulations!"

"Thank you, oh we are so excited, today I am officially in my second trimester so we want to tell everyone and we thought since you are going to be the godmother of our little one you are going to be the first to know"

"Really, wow I... I have no idea what to say, but of course I would love to be the godmother of your child." Who would have thought ... I had no idea Kate was even trying to get pregnant.

"Perfect, so I can expect you to show up for the baby shower and the christening?"

"Of course, no way I am going to miss any of it and if you need anything you can call me and I will be in Seattle within a couple of hours."

"I know" she says and I hear her sigh.

"Everything alright, Kate?"

"Yes, it's just Elliot went downstairs, he still has a hard time dealing with the fact that his brother is an egoistic piece of shit."

"I know, how are Mia and Grace dealing with it?"

"Well, we don't mention him who shall not be named in the presence of Mia, it sets her off every time and his parents. Well, Carrick still believes that eventually he will come around, but Grace she still calls him only for him to send her calls to voice mail and never return them. Every time I think about what he is putting his family through I want to show up at Grey House and smack the shit out of him, but I can't it would only make things worse."

"Probably" I mutter and Kate sighs again.

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, we can Skype tonight, I have to go and check on my hubby now. See ya."

"Bye Kate."

I hang up and sigh. Christian... what can I say. I still think about him, though it doesn't hurt like it used to. I guess I will never be able to forget him, he was the first man I fell in love with, the first man I had sex with...

I remember how nervous I was even weeks before Kate's wedding knowing that I would have to see him, only to find out that he wasn't coming. I was shocked to say at least. I mean he just told Elliot he wouldn't attend his wedding. And from that point on he never talked to any member of his family again. Kate told me he wouldn't take their calls, had blocked their emails and took them off the list of allowed visitors both at Escala and Grey House.

No one really knows why he did that, there wasn't a big fall out or anything, it's like one day he just decided that he didn't need a family and cut all ties. His so-called relationship with Michelle must have been an act, because I saw her on a television show about a year ago and she was credited as Nina Evans. I googled her and it turned out that she is an actress from Seattle who recently moved to Los Angeles. At that point I knew he had hired her just to hurt me and stopped to care. If he thinks he doesn't need a family so be it... though secretly I wonder what happened to make him neglect his family the way he does...

Talking to Kate also reminded me that I need to call Grace. After finding out that she has her own charity called Coping Together I became a benefactor of her charity and she wants me to give a speech at the Coping Together Gala that will take place at her place in four weeks. I already agreed, but I wasn't sure if I would come alone or with Gideon and Ireland. Ireland can't make it because she is studying for her exams, but Gideon is going to accompany, so I need to let Grace know.

Besides Gideon, Ireland and my Mom the only people who know that Gideon is my brother are Kate, Elliot, Carrick, Grace, Mia, Arnaldo, my friend Melody and some other close friends as well as Gideon's security. We discussed to release a statement, but there are several reasons why we decided against it. One would be the public humiliation of mother when the media would discover that I am the result of an affair she had with her sister's husband. And of course the whole security dilemma. Since Gideon is a very rich man there are always sick people who think the can get a piece of the cake by threatening his family. So, for the world I am just a family friend.

Sure from time to time there are article saying that Gideon and I are dating, but we just laugh about it. Honestly, it just goes to show that the media is not very clever, because Gideon, Ireland and I all have the same eyes and especially Ireland and I look almost like twins, so if they were clever they could figure it out, but then again, billionaire's secret girlfriend sounds better than billionaire's secret sister.

"We are here, Miss Steele." Carlos announces when he parks the car on the school parking lot and I nod and take a last sip of my coffee.

I meet my team outside the school and together we go into the school were we talk to the children and many parents who have come to see us. Sadly, this day turned out to be one of those days where four kids came up to me while I was about to leave the building to tell me their stories. To this day it always shocks me to hear what young children already had to go through in their lives or are still going through.

Since there are two young girls who have never confided in anyone I spent the rest of the day talking to them and making calls to arrange help for them. So, I am rather exhausted when Carlos pulls up at the building I live in late in the afternoon, but nothing could have prepared me for the scene playing out in front of me when I am about to get out of the car...

_**Yes, I love cliffhangers ;-) And just to tease all of you a little bit more; guess who the person was Ana bumped into when she left her apartment in the morning ;-)**_


	12. Christian's own personal hell

_**Okay, this is not an actual chapter, it's more like an outtake or maybe a look into Christian's mind... **_

**Christian's own personal hell**

"Christian darling, you have to get over her and call your family. They all worry about you"

Bla bla bla, I tune Elena out. These days she sounds like a broken record, nagging me with the same things over and over again.

"Christian! For all that's holy, at least see Flynn again or get a new sub" she snaps and I had enough.

"Goodbye, Elena" I hang up the phone and refill my tumbler with whisky for the 7th time this evening. Flynn isn't going to solve my dilemma and neither is a new sub. Not that I could have a new sub, not here anyway. My playroom, the room that I once called my sanctuary, I couldn't bear to be inside that room the way it was. Not since _**her**_.

It's ironic, I thought of myself as master of the universe. Christian Grey would never lose. And while that might be true, I am also a gigantic failure. 50 shades of fucked up... well by now it's 51 shades of fucked up. And here I am pathetically trying to get drunk again just to avoid doing the one thing I know it will all boil down to. It always does these days. So, instead of dragging it out I get up and leave my study making my way up the stairs and unlock the door to what once was my playroom.

"Hello baby" I murmur staring at the woman I once called mine who is looking at me from all corners of the room in beautiful pictures. Pictures that ruined what ever chance I had to win her back. Otherwise the room is empty except for my piano which has found its new home inside here. The only place in the world where I can look at her. I sit down and start to play a piece called _Suffocation by Chopin_, but I never take my eyes of her beautiful face.

This is my punishment, this is what I deserve. So close and yet so far away, all alone in my ivory tower in the sky. Jose fucking Rodriguez, I should have killed him that night he tried to kiss her while she was drunk. Maybe then things would be different and she would still be mine.

After she left I realized that I needed her in my life. I tried to stay away, five fucking days, five agonizing days and then I decided I had to win her back. Selfishly taking away her chance of a happy life with a normal guy. So, I went to the gallery opening and found myself looking at all those pictures of her. At first I didn't know what to make of it and then I heard the photographer tell everyone that she is his girlfriend, his muse. I nearly killed him then and there, she was mine, not his. But Taylor held me back, even when that fucker denied me to buy the pictures of her.

I left the place not knowing what to make out of it, but looking at the pictures, the ones of her in bed. They looked to intimate not to believe him. Yet Taylor insisted that I had to talk to her, that there were many possible reasons why he had those pictures of her, even that he took them without her knowing it. All I knew was that I needed those pictures, if I couldn't have her then at least those pictures would be mine.

I had to hire someone to buy them for me, but he got the job done without any problems which was good. I had someone watching her, but she was not seen with Rodriguez, so I started to think maybe Taylor was right, maybe he lied and there was a simple explanation for those pictures.

And then I was informed that a man came to her apartment and stayed the night. I was livid. She promised me she would never leave me, she told me she loved me and only a week after leaving me she had a man stay at her apartment... that was more than I could take. Still, Taylor was on her side and finally I agreed to go and talk to her... only to find her in Rodriguez arms kissing him. Her fingers in his hair the way she would do it while kissing me and clearly enjoying herself.

That was more proof than I needed. She had moved on and in my rage I convinced myself that it was the money that attracted her to me. What else could it possibly have been? Each passing day my anger and hatred grew to the point that I wanted to hurt her, hurt her in every way I could.

Then Katherine's birthday party came and I knew I had to see her, most likely with her new boytoy. So, I came up with the pathetic plan to show her that I had moved on too. Nina was a former sub of mine and an actress. I hired her, knowing that it would at least hurt her a tiny bit that I would allow some other woman to touch me when she couldn't.

And in my own idiotic stupor I thought she was playing the part of the heart-broken ex to look good in front of my family and her friend. At this point nothing could have convinced me otherwise. Still when I got the call from Roach while I was in New York that she was in the hospital because fucking Hyde tried to rape her I left my meeting immediately wanting to make sure that she was fine, I was willing to let go of my hatred for just short while and what did I have to see?

Gideon fucking Cross entering her room with flowers. She had been in New York for two fucking days and had already managed to find herself a new suitor and it only fueled my anger. At this point I wanted to see her suffer, the monster in me had taken over and it wanted to get her where it would hurt her the most. I knew all to well about her love of books and that she needed the job. So, I decided to take the job she had always dreamed of away from her.

Roach begged me to keep her, afraid she would sue SIP for wrongful termination, but I didn't give a fuck. My company, my rules. I even positioned myself in the lobby so I could see her leave the building devastated, but of course as always my girl surprised me by slapping the crap out of me. Never in a million years did I see that coming and while I went back to Escala planning my next step in making her life a living hell she left town and moved to New York.

Since by that time I no longer had someone following her I had no idea until Elliot told me that she left town three weeks later. Fucker wouldn't even tell me where she went and then the news article started showing her with Cross. I was tempted to go to New York to let him know what kind of person she truly is, but I was working on a very important deal, so I couldn't leave Seattle and instead I made plans for my biggest revenge on my brother's wedding. I knew she was going to be there, so I decided to wait.

It was a shock to see her in Georgia, but more so it hurt. Seeing how Cross was now a part of her family when this should have been me. And then her note. I wanted to grab her and beat the shit out of her, but I couldn't; not in a public place. So I left. In hindsight I have to admit that I admire her courage for sending me that message, but that's my girl, always unexpected, always feisty.

And then it all came crushing down. A week before my brother's wedding I got a call from the guy I had hired to buy the pictures for me. He informed me that the police was asking questions about the pictures, because Rodriguez got arrested and was admitted to a mental institution. I had Taylor look into it and then it all became clear. She never was his girlfriend, never betrayed me... that fucker was stalking her, took the pictures without her knowledge and followed her to New York where he continued to stalk her...

I got it all wrong and there was no coming back from it. No apology in the world can change what I did to her. I am a monster and not worthy of her. And of course she had moved on with Cross and though I hate that she has moved on I know it is for the best. He can keep her safe, can lay the world at her feet and make her happy.

It was that day when I found out that I realized how powerful the monster inside of me really is and it had me thinking. If I could do this to her, who else could the monster hurt and drive away in the future... and I knew it, I knew I had to let my family go, protect them from the monster, so I cut all ties. They might not see it now, but I am a monster, not worthy of her and not worthy of a family, so I have to stay away, have to keep them away and continue to spend my life in my own personal hell... 

_**The new chapter will be up tomorrow ...**_


	13. Chapter 12

_**Ana**_

The first thing I see is Ireland who seems scared and is maybe even crying, but I can't tell since she is hiding her face against Gideon's chest who is holding her in his arms.

Gideon on the other hand is yelling at the two cops who are trying to get a woman in handcuffs to _'finally take that crazy person out of his sister's sight' _and when I look at the woman she is pleading with the cops that _'they don't understand what is going on'_.

I really have no clue what just happened, so I get out of the car and hurry over to Gideon and Ireland.

"Hey, what is going on?"

"I have no idea, I came home and that crazy woman was harassing Ireland. She kept going on and on about how everything was a huge misunderstanding and that he needed her and was slowly killing himself and she just wouldn't go away or let Ireland go into the building, so I called the cops." Gideon says and I turn around to look at the woman and gasp.

Can it? I mean it's been over two years and I only saw her once, but I am positive that I know who she is.

"Excuse me, please wait a second" I ask the cops who are reading her rights to her and when she looks at me she seems confused and looks over to Ireland and then back at me. Because yes, with her huge sunglasses on and the fact that Ireland and I are almost wearing the exact same outfit she must have mistaken Ireland for me.

"Ma'am please let us do our job." One of the cops says.

"Please, this is just a big misunderstanding. Mrs. Jones came here to see me, she must have mistaken me with my roommate over there." I point to Ireland and the cops both look back and forth between us.

"Well, I can see that this could be what happened. So, you know this woman?"

"Yes, she is the housekeeper of... a friend" _Oh joy, now I even lie to cops, but what else was I supposed to say?  
_  
"I see, well in that case I think we are no longer needed here." he says and takes the handcuffs off Mrs. Jones, which of course alerts Gideon.

"What the hell is going on here, Ana? Why are the letting her go?"

"Gideon, please I know Mrs. Jones, please can you take Ireland up to your penthouse, so I can talk to Mrs. Jones alone at my apartment. I promise as soon as I have talked to her I'll come up to your place and explain everything to you."

"So, you know her?"

"Yes, and as it seems she came all the way from Seattle to see me, so can you please take Ireland to your apartment and tell her Mrs. Jones didn't mean to scare her, she just thought it was me."

"Fine, I'll see you in a bit" he says and disappears into the building with Ireland, so I turn my attention to Mrs. Jones who is still staring at me slightly confused.

"Are you alright Mrs. Jones? I'm sorry this happened, Ireland and I look very much alike, people mistake us all the time, especially when we are wearing sunglasses."

"I'm sorry Miss Steele, I didn't mean to scare your friend. I just need to talk to you, it is very important."

"Okay, please let's go to my apartment, as you can see there are already reporters here, and I hate to see my picture on the news" I say and she follows me inside and into elevator.

Neither of us says anything until we reach my floor and I let her into my apartment.

"Oh my, the view is stunning, Miss Steele." She gasps and I smile.

"I know, even after living here for over two years I still find myself gazing out of the windows for hours when I have a day off."

"It's beautiful."

"So, I can I offer you something to drink?"

"Yes, please."

"Good, so I am having a glass of wine, do you want to join me or do you want tea, coffee, a water..."

"A glass of wine would be lovely, Miss Steele"

Two minutes later we sit down in my living room and I am actually nervous, I know the only possible reason for her being here is that she wants to talk about Christian. It seems a little odd though, after all I am sure all of his employees have to sign a NDA, too.

"So, how come you are here in New York, Mrs. Jones."

"I needed to see you, Miss Steele. To be honest I am here to ask you to come to Seattle with me. You are the only person who might be able to save Mr. Grey."

She has got to be kidding, after everything that he has put me through she wants me to save him? And save him from what?

"Mrs. Jones, I am sure that I am the last person on earth Christian wants to see."

"He thought you had an affair with your friend, the photographer" she says and I stare at her. _What?_

"Excuse me, are we talking about Jose Rodriguez?"

"Yes, I believe that is his name. You see Mr. Grey was devastated after you left him. He went to that gallery opening in Vancouver to see you and saw all those pictures of you and then your friend told him that he is your boyfriend."

Oh. My. God. He wanted back... that doesn't excuse what he did, but still he wanted me back...

"Why didn't he came to me, why did he chose to believe Jose over me?" I ask.

"Well, you know how Mr. Grey is, he is a hothead and to him those pictures were all the evidence he needed to charge you guilty. Jason and he had some awful arguments about it."

"Jason?" _Who is Jason?_

"Taylor, he took your site and defended you, it nearly cost him his job. But in the end Mr. Grey listened and wanted to confront you... only to find you kissing Mr. Rodriguez outside of your apartment."

Suddenly, I feel sick. He thought I was cheating on him or that I had just moved on and all that he did... just because he came to the wrong conclusion?

"I thought it was him... I wanted it to be Christian" I murmur more to myself than to Mrs. Jones and take a large gulp of my wine.

"From that point on Taylor, too was convinced that you were with Mr. Rodriguez. And then of course Mr. Cross came into the mix." she goes on and I frown. What the hell does Gideon have to do with this mess?

"What?"

"Well, as you know Mr. Grey is the owner of SIP, so when you were attack by your former boss, the police informed the managed of SIP and they in turn informed Mr. Grey. Taylor was with him in New York when that happened, Mr. Grey left the meeting he was attending when he got the call and went to the hospital you were admitted to the previous night. But when he wanted to see you, he saw Mr. Cross entering your room."

"Oh for the love of god, this is one gigantic cluster fuck" I mutter I mean seriously how much bad luck or bad timing can one person possibly have?

"Mr. Grey was furious after that to say at least. More so when he discovered that you had moved to New York and were now in a relationship with Mr. Cross."

The moment she says that I get the sip of wine I was taking right that moment down the wrong pipe and start to cough.

"Oh my goodness, are you alright, Miss Steele?"

"Fine" I croak and motion for her to continue.

"Shortly before the wedding of Mr. Grey's brother things changed. You see, it was Mr. Grey who bought those pictures of you through someone he had hired. Mr. Rodriguez wouldn't sell them to him, so he had to find someone to get them for him. The man who did this for him contacted Mr. Grey that the police was asking questions about the pictures of you. And so he found out the truth, you know that Mr. Rodriguez is mentally unstable and took those pictures without your consent or knowledge. After that he cut himself off from his family and started to become even more difficult to be around. The only person who is still allowed to visit him is this vile woman he calls his only friend. It's as if he is punishing himself for making assumptions and what he has done to hurt you." she sighs and I have no idea what to make out of it.

"Why didn't he come here to apologize?"

"Well, Taylor and I can only assume what his reasons are, but Mr. Grey always had this self-loathing inside him, we believe he thinks that he is not worthy of you and that he is not worthy of your forgiveness."

"He could have tried, because believe me after what he did to me he owes me more than just a small apology."

"I know that Miss Steele and so does Jason. I wanted him to come here, but he was afraid after the way he treated you, you wouldn't even listen to him. So, I came here to see you. I wanted to talk to you this morning, but you seemed to be in a hurry, so I waited outside the building for you to return."

"Mrs. Jones, I really appreciate that you came here to tell me what happened, but if Christian wants my forgiveness he should be the one to come here."

She sighs again and looks at me almost pleadingly. "I know that, Miss Steele and I absolutely agree with you, but over the last year, ever since he found out he has changed and not for the better. He stopped seeing Dr. Flynn, his psychiatrist, he cut off his family and at first he would put all of his focus on his work, but now ... on some days he goes into the office for a couple of hours, but mostly he is at home either drinking himself into oblivion or playing the piano for hours on end. He doesn't eat enough, he stopped doing his workouts and it just gets worse every day. Miss Steele, I am here to ask you to come to Seattle with me and talk to him. I know you have moved on with Mr. Cross ...

"What? Oh my god, please don't tell me that he didn't approach me after he found out the truth because he thinks I am with Gideon?"

"Well, we assume that's the reason." she says uncomfortable and I get up to refill my wine glass. I have no idea if I should laugh or cry, this is almost tragic, I mean Christian is a bright guy and he really got everything wrong and worse he didn't talk to me when he was the one who told me over and over that we needed to communicate or our relationship wouldn't work...

I sit back down and this time it's my turn to sigh. "Gideon Cross saved my life, Mrs. Jones. All that I have and the person I have become over the past two years, I owe it all to him. When my former boss wanted to rape me, it was Gideon who stopped him and a little later we discovered that we have a very strong bond, a sibling bond, Mrs. Jones. Gideon Cross is my half-brother."

"He... but we all thought... and the news article?"

"My mother had an affair with her sister's husband. I am the result. She got disowned by her family because of it and was forced to marry an old family friend who was willing to say that he was my father. I had no idea until Gideon saw me the first time and I reminded him of my mother, his aunt. We never made it public because we agree that it would expose my mother to public humiliation and it would make me a target to every sick person that wants a piece of my brother's fortune. There are only very few people who know that we are siblings."

"Good Lord, Miss Steele, please. You have to come to Seattle and talk to Mr. Grey. I am afraid the self-destructive path he has chosen is going to kill me."

"Mrs. Jones, I agree that Christian needs help, but don't you think that you should ask his parents for help?" I just don't know if I can do this, drop everything to go to Seattle. He did this to himself, I had to pick up the pieces after what he did to me, too. So why should I be the one to help him? Though, deep down I know that I won't be able to live with myself if I leave him to his self-loathing.

"Miss Steele, I agree he needs his family around, but what he really needs is you. I believe you are the only person to get through to him."

"I... I don't know if I can do this. I can't just drop everything here and go to Seattle. I have responsibilities and..."

"Just think about it, that is all I am asking. I'll leave now. I have given you a great deal to process. Here, my number and Jason's are on this card. Should you decide to come to Seattle just give us a call. Goodbye Miss Steele, and thank you for giving me some of your time. I know you are a busy person and I am in awe of all the good you are doing."

"Thank you" I watch her get up and leave my apartment, but I just sit there and think about everything she's just told me. _Can I do this? Do I want to this? _

"Ana?" I look up and see Gideon standing in the living room.

"I was worried, you said you would come up as soon as this woman has left. But I was informed that she left the building almost an hour ago. What is going on?"

I look at him and I know I have to tell him about Christian. Gideon always has the best advise and I desperately need it now.

"Mrs. Jones, the woman you saw earlier, she is the housekeeper of my ex boyfriend."

"The one who treated you like shit?"

"Yes."

"What the hell Ana? Why would you even talk to her?"

"Because she is a nice person and she did nothing to hurt me."

"So, what did she want?"

"She wants me to go to Seattle and talk to him."

"Over my dead body, Ana. I still don't know what he did to you exactly, but I know what a mess you've been when we first met, no way I will let you go to Seattle to see him."

"Gideon, it's complicated."

"Well, enlighten me then." he insists and so for the next hour I explain him how I met Christian and just everything that happened between us, except for the BDSM part and the belt incident.

"Fuck me, Ana who is that guy, I mean I thought your ex was just some average Joe, but if his company is important enough to..."

"It's Christian Grey." I blurt out and for the first time ever my brother seems to be speechless.

He stares at me for a while, then gets up and starts to pace. "Fuck Ana, Christian _fucking_ Grey? Seriously?"

"Yes" I murmur.

"Look, I've only met him a couple of times years ago, but even then he was an arrogant ass. Which actually made me like him, because I know what it's like to go into a meeting with a dozen old farts who think just because you're young you have no idea what you are doing and Grey really knew how to put the fear of god into those fuckers. But lately there are rumors."

"Rumors?"

"That he has lost his edge or to be more specific, he likes to drink a bit too much. Misses meetings, comes in unprepared. So far his COO covers for him, but I know many of the guys he fucked over on his way to the top have heard of it and they are getting prepared."

"Prepared for what?" Maybe I had too much wine, but I don't get his point.

"They want to bring him down Ana, they are ganging up ready to take over Grey Enterprises and shred it to pieces the second he fucks up again. If he keeps his drinking up, a year from now you can visit him living under a bridge, because that's what they want for taking over their companies and selling the pieces to the highest bidder."

_Holy fuck!_ Christian losing GEH ... the company he has worked to build to what it is today so hard... and all because of his self-loathing. If he loses GEH they might as well just kill him.

"Look Ana, you are a big girl now, you've learned how to deal with just about anything that is thrown your way and I know that you can stand up to Grey. This cluster fuck of assumptions and misunderstandings that has led him to start this vendetta against you is not justifying what he did, but if you want my advise... Take a couple of days off, go to Seattle and talk to him. Not for him, but for you. You deserve closure. I have seen you date guys who would have moved heaven and earth to be with you, yet you have chosen this friends with benefits deal with Arnaldo. And I don't believe it's because you just didn't like any of the guys you went out with, but it's because deep down you are still hanging on to Grey. You never had the closure you need to finally move on and as it seems, he needs closure as well. Just think about it, Ireland is going out with friends tonight, so take your time and really think this through. I can have one of my jets ready and waiting for you within an hour." he says hugs me and leaves.

_Oh, what am I going to do?_


	14. Chapter 13

_**Ana**_

Who am I kidding? I knew it would come to this, the moment Mrs. Jones told me what happened I knew I wouldn't be able to move on with my life knowing that the man I once loved is ruining his life because of what happened. It's my nature, I'm a fixer, if I see someone who is a bad place or hear about it, I want to help. And so I tried for a couple of hours to remind myself how poorly Christian treated me and that he needs to come out of his funk by himself, but it was to no help.

And now I am here in the lobby of Escala, dialing the number of Mrs. Jones on my phone. I wanted to ask her if she wanted to go back to Seattle with me, but Gideon's security found out that she went straight to the airport after visiting me.

"Gail Jones"

"Hello Mrs. Jones. It's Ana Steele."

"Miss Steele, it's so good to hear from you, have you thought about coming to Seattle?"

"Actually, I'm in the lobby."

"Lobby?"

"Here at Escala, can you give me the elevator code so I can come up?"

"Oh my goodness, oh that is wonderful Miss Steele. The code is 0910" she says and I frown.

"Did Christian pick the code, Mrs. Jones."

"I believe so, why?"

"September 10th is my birthday. Anyway see you in about 2 minutes" I hang up get into the elevator and type the code in.

As the elevator makes his way up to the penthouse I start to get this really sick feeling in my stomach. It's not so much that I am scared to see Christian again or of all the memories this place holds for me. I am afraid to see the state Christian is in. It must be really bad if Mrs. Jones felt the need to reach out to me. But then again if he doesn't even care that GEH is going down how could he possible be in a good place?

Gideon told me to tell Christian that he is willing to come to Seattle and see what he can do to help with GEH, but I am not sure Christian will be willing to accept his help. At least it is not like they are business rivals; Gideon has made his fortune with hotels, casinos and night clubs, while Christian's company is all about modern technologies.

When the doors of the elevator open I see Taylor and Mrs. Jones. While she is giving me a warm and thankful smile, Taylor avoids to even look at me.

"What's the matter Taylor, feeling guilty?" I ask. I know this is not the time to give him grief about his behavior, but I just can't help it. I really liked him and it hurts how he treated me.

"Miss Steele, I want to apologize, I..."

"Taylor, let's settle this some other time, where is Christian?"

"Still in bed."

_What? _I check my watch to make sure I am not confused because of the different time zones, but sure enough it really is after eleven in the morning.

"Okay, I will check on sleeping beauty in a couple of minutes, first let's get rid of the alcohol he has here, shall we?" I ask and Mrs. Jones and Taylor nod.

I am not sure if Christian is going to kick me out the moment he sees me, but at least I can make sure he can't get drunk again right away. But what I find is shocking. He has a cabinet full of brandy, whisky and other liquor in his study, then there is a bar in the great room and two fridges full of wine in the pantry.

"Okay, the wine is too expensive to just pour it down the drain, Taylor can you pack all the wine into boxes and have it delivered to his parents house and maybe the old whisky too?"

"Certainly, Miss Steele."

"Perfect, it has to be gone before he wakes up" I roll the sleeves of my shirt up and start to empty all the bottles from the bar and his study in the sink. Christ, even the smell makes me sick. I mean I like a glass of wine in the evening and if I go out with my friends I have some cocktails and shots too, but Christian has enough alcohol in this place to kill himself without having to go out to get more.

After almost an hour we finally have made sure that there is no more alcohol in the penthouse and Taylor send someone to bring the wine to Bellevue. I called Grace and she was crying, she was so relieved that I came to Seattle to help Christian getting better.

I hope I can live up to her hopes, because in five days I have to be back in New York for the annual Crossroads Foundation Gala and there is just no way that I can miss it.

"I am going to see Christian now" I let them know and walk towards his bedroom. _Okay, I can do this!_

I open the door and the room is completely dark, so I open the blinds first and open the balcony door to let some fresh air in. Christian is sprawled across the bed and if it wasn't for the fact that I can see the rise and fall of his chest I would worry that he might be dead, because his skin has this very unhealthy almost gray undertone to it.

"Rise and shine, sleepy head, it's time to get up" I say loudly, but the only reaction I get from him is a grown.

"Come on, get up it's the middle of the day Christian!" When he doesn't react to that either I grab the comforter and pull it off him.

"Get the fuck out!" he yells, but it's muffled by the fact that his face is still planted into his pillow, so I walk around the bed and take his pillow away too.

"You have ten seconds to get up or so help me Christian, I will get a bucket of ice water!"

He looks up at me, squints his eyes and sighs. "You are not real" he mutters and I had enough so I land a firm smack on his naked behind.

"How real was that? Now will you get up or do I have to get that bucket of ice water?"

Suddenly he seems to be very awake, because he jumps out of the bed and stares at me wide-eyed.

"You can't be here. No, you shouldn't be here." he mutters and I roll my eyes.

"But I am here, so you better get used to it. Now, take a shower and get dressed, I expect you in the kitchen in 15 minutes."

"No, you have to leave!" he says and grabs me by the shoulders.

"Look at you, you need help Christian. I am not going anywhere until I am sure you are no longer trying to kill yourself by drinking yourself into oblivion every day."

"That is none of your... fuck..."

"What ..." and I try to jump out of the line of fire, but it's too late and he is vomiting all over what are now no longer my favorite boots.

"Sorry" he mutters sounding so pathetic that I have to snort.

"Yeah, I guess now we are even in that department. Go get a shower and get dressed, I'll wait for you in the kitchen." I mutter and take my boots off while he makes his way into the bathroom. As soon as the door has closed behind him, I hear him throw up again. Oh boy, I have a feeling that the next five days are going to be a nightmare.

Leaving my shoes in his bedroom, I make my way into the kitchen where I find Gail.

"He's up, not too happy to see me and he ruined my boots by vomiting on them, so is this him having a good or bad morning?" I ask and she shrugs.

"Miss Steele, I... you know ... maybe a little more compassion is what Mr. Grey needs right now" she says cautiously and I sigh.

"Mrs. Jones, he has issues with self-loathing and he has alienated himself from everyone who showed compassion or love towards him. He doesn't want anyone to care, not right now. I have seen this many times over the last couple of years both with the children and young adults I am working with. If I try to baby him, he will kick me out. As harsh as it may sound, but what he needs to snap out of his funk is tough love, because sadly that is the only form of love he accepts. I once told him that I love him and he was absolutely horrified, so let's see how he reacts to some good old tough love."

Mrs. Jones does not look happy at all, but I really believe that the moment I show him the slightest affection he is going to kick me out... well that's if he doesn't kick me out the moment he has stopped to vomit his guts out. So, I decide it is best to get step two into motion right now.

I walk over to the window and dial the number I found online before I flew to Seattle this morning.

"You have reached the office of Dr. John Flynn, how may I help you?" A woman answers.

"Hello, my name is Anastasia Steele, I need to talk to Dr. Flynn in an urgent matter."

"Are you a patient, Miss Steele?"

"No, please just tell him that I am calling on behalf of Mr. Christian Grey."

"Certainly, Ma'am. Please wait." Less than 30 seconds later I hear the voice of a man with a British accent.

"Miss Steele?"

"Yes."

"My assistant told me you are calling me because of Christian, is he in trouble?" he asks sounding very concerned.

"I guess, he is spiraling out of control. I know that you were his therapist, so I would like to ask you to come to Escala today."

"Does he know that you are calling?"

"No, but he is not really in a state of mind where I would ask for his opinion on anything."

"That bad, well I can reschedule some of my appointments, so I can stop by in about an hour."

"Perfect, thank you, Dr. Flynn" I hang up. Okay, let's just hope he doesn't kick me out before the good doctor arrives.

I was just about to check if Christian went back to bed when he arrives in the kitchen dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt.

"Look at that you are up" I cheer and he glares at me.

"Get out, you have no business being here."

"Yeah, and if you continue your little drinking habit you won't have any business at all in a couple of months." I mutter and lean against the breakfast bar.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean"

"That means all those guys you fucked over on your way to the top, they know that you are fucking up deal after deal and that you don't even care. So, they have ganged up and as soon as you fuck up some more, they are taking over GEH."

"As if" he huffs and strolls over to the bar.

"Gail! Where is the all the alcohol" he yells.

"Welcome to the new reality, Christian, because as of this morning your penthouse is officially alcohol free."

"Who the hell do you think you are? This is my home, you don't get to come here and take over. And do you have any idea what some of the stuff was worth, especially the wine?" he hisses.

"Actually, yes I do know that you have had some pretty expensive stuff here, but don't worry I didn't throw it away, it's all still there. Only if you want to have a drink now, you have to go your parent's house, because that's where I've sent all of it."

His expression turns murderous and then he calls out for Taylor. "Taylor, escort Miss Steele out."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Grey, but I can't do that."

"What?"

"Oh, haven't I told you Christian? When I arrived today, I decided I need some staff and good staff is hard to find, so I made Taylor and Mrs. Jones an offer they couldn't refuse, they are working for me now" I give him a big smile and take a step back because he looks like he is ready to throw a fit.

"So, you are here to get back at me? For what I've done."

"Maybe" I lie.

"Well, then by all means, be my guest." and with that he storms off to his study and slams the door shut, but I get the feeling that this was far too easy, so I follow him and find him getting a bottle of whisky out of his safe.

"Really, are you kidding me?" I yell at him and take the bottle away from him. He tries to get it back and in the end I throw it against the wall where is shatters into a million pieces.

"There, are you pathetic enough to lick it off the floor? Is that how low you have sunk since the last time I saw you or hey, why don't you go into the bathroom and try to drink some of your after shave, or maybe you can try Mrs. Jones' perfume, it has alcohol in it, you know?"

"Anastasia, just say what you have to say, okay. Let's get it over with." he says at that makes me so mad I want to shake him.

"Oh no, believe me, if I am going to have a conversation with you about how badly you fucked up, it's not going to be now. Because I want you to remember everything that I've told you. I don't want you hung over or drunk, and I think you owe me that much for all the shit you've put me through just because you've made some stupid ass assumptions" I yell my voice getting louder with each word.

_Okay, Ana calm down, he needs your help. Just push your feelings aside for a while, right now he is just trying to get rid of you so he can get drunk again. _I try to calm myself and take a deep breath, before I look at him again.

"So, can you do that for me, not drink for one day so we can sit down and talk tomorrow? Or do I have to search the entire penthouse for alcohol that you've kept hidden?"

"I guess that would be okay" he mutters.

"Good, you should eat something, Dr. Flynn will be here shortly."

"What?"

"I've called Dr. Flynn. I wasn't kidding Christian, you are about to lose your company. You need to get it together or step back as CEO and let your COO deal with GEH until you are able to work again. So, starting to see your shrink again is a step in the right direction."

"I will never lose my company I am Christian Grey and..."

"Christian, your days as master of the universe are long gone, people talk, especially the ones who come into a meeting and see you drunk or not even knowing what the meeting is about. Yet, you are not giving your COO all the authorities she needs in order to run your company for you. If you want to lie to yourself, by all means do it, but this is not just about you. Think of all the people who are working for you and how they are going to support themselves and their families when GEH goes down."

"I don't know who told you that I am in trouble, but everything is fine with GEH." he says and I sigh.

"Fine, while you are in denial I am going to fix lunch. If you are hungry meet me in the kitchen"

I decide I need to try something different, so I make my way into security office.

"Taylor, do you know how to contact Christian's COO?"

"Of course, do you want to call Miss Bailey?"

"Can you do that? Just ask her to come here and tell Christian exactly what is going on with GEH at the moment."

"Will do, Miss Steele... How bad is it?"

"Well, he is about to lose his company and he is in complete denial." I tell him and leave to fix some lunch.

I am actually surprised to find Christian sitting at the breakfast bar when I am just finished to make lunch.

"Hungry?"

"Not really, but it looks good" he shrugs so I place a plate in front of him and sit down next to him.

"It's good" he says after taking a bite.

"A friend of mine is the chef of a famous New York restaurant. It's his recipe."

"How long are you planning to stay in Seattle?"

"I have to be back in New York on Sunday." he just nods and we finish our meal in very uncomfortable silence, so I am actually glad when Taylor comes into the great room to announce that Dr. Flynn has arrived.

Thank the Lord, Christian gets up to greet Dr. Flynn and they walk towards his study, but Christian stops and turns to look at me.

"You can stay here until Sunday, Ana" says Christian and goes into his study with Flynn.

Somehow, I have a feeling that the next couple of days are going to be the most exhausting days of my life.


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E. L. James and Sylvia Day**

_**Ana **_

Christian has talked to Dr. Flynn about three hours last night. He seemed to be very withdrawn after that and stayed in his study for the rest of the night. I hope today, after a day without a drink for Christian we can finally talk. I also hope that he will realize how serious the situation of his company is once he has talked to Miss Bailey who will be here around noon.

Since it is early in the morning and I don't have anything else to do I decide to go for a run until Christian is up. So, I get dressed in some shorts, a top, shirt and running shoes and make my way downstairs. But when I enter the great room I can't quite believe what I am seeing.

Christian is sleeping on the sofa on his stomach and on the floor is one empty bottle of whisky and a half empty bottle of vodka. In this moment I am so angry I want to strangle him, but instead I make my way to Taylor's room and knock until he opens the door.

"Miss Steele?" he asks a little confused to see me this early.

"He is passed out drunk on the sofa in the great room, Taylor. I need you and Mrs. Jones to check the entire apartment for spots where he might have hidden more alcohol, also please remove anything else that contains alcohol from the apartment. You know, perfume, after shave, even cough syrup."

"Of course, Miss Steele, but do you think he will let us do that?" he asks concerned.

"Oh, he won't even be here, so don't worry about that. Now, where does Mrs. Jones keep her cleaning supplies?"

"In the utility room, it's right there." he points to a door down the hall and I get inside and find a bucket. In the kitchen I fill it with cold water carry it to the sofa and throw the cold water all over him.

He jumps up coughing and sputtering. "What's the matter Christian, didn't make it to your bed last night?" I ask sarcasm dripping from each word.

"Why the fuck did you do that?"

"Why, you are seriously asking me why? What is this Christian?" I ask and lift the bottles from the floor. "You promised not to drink for one freaking day, yet here you are hung over again! You know what I don't even want to talk about it. We are going for a run, you have five minutes to get ready or I swear I'm dragging you out of here in what ever you are wearing!"

"I am not..."

"Go. Get. Dressed!" I hiss and his eyes widen.

"Yes, Ma'am" he mutters like a sulking teenager and leaves the great room.

It's not even seven in the morning, but I call his mom anyway.

"Anastasia, you are calling early, is everything alright with Christian?"

"Good morning Grace, and no, Christian is not alright. It's bad Grace, he has a serious drinking problem, he can't even stay away from it for one freaking day. I don't think I can fix him in five days. Actually, I am taking him to the hospital now, so he can get his blood work done. Maybe that's the wake up call he needs. Anyway, why I am calling is that I need your help. We might need to convince him to go into rehab and I am not familiar with the facilities here in Seattle, so can you find the best in town and ask if they have a spot for him if I get him to go?"

"Yes, of course. Oh, Ana how did this happen?"

"I don't know, Grace. It's like he has just given up and he doesn't care about anything... listen he is coming back, I'll call you later." I hang up and grab a bottle of water from the fridge right when Christian's appears in the kitchen.

"Since when are you all about getting an early workout?" he asks when we are in the elevator.

"Oh well, I have this really crazy plan, you know? It includes me getting really old and one day I just want to go to bed and die peacefully in my sleep. So, in order for me to get there I eat healthy, exercise and make sure that I get enough sleep. You should try that, too." I mutter and two minutes later we go for a run. I know where the hospital is where Grace works, so that's the route I've picked for us.

"Fuck, don't go so fast, Ana! This is not the New York marathon!" Christian hisses after ten minutes. He is already sweating like crazy and breathing heavily.

"I know it's not, I did the New York marathon last year and believe me, on the pace I am running here just so you can keep up with me, I would still be on my way to the finish line."

"You've run the New York marathon?"

"Yes, to raise money for Safe Haven, one of my charity projects. Now, less of the chit-chat and more of the running, come on Grey, show me what you got!" and with that I pick up my pace and just like I expected it to happen about five minutes later Christian is hunched over a trash can puking his guts out.

"Mmmh, nothing beats a good whisky, right? Tell me does it taste as good now as it did yesterday?" I ask when he has stopped to puke and for the first time I get a glimpse of the Christian I know, because he stares at me in the most forbidding way.

"You think this is funny, Anastasia?"

"No, actually, I think it's tragic. Now, here, drink some water and then we can continue." I hold the bottle out to him and he takes it.

Finally, thirty minutes we arrive at the hospital and he stares at me. "Why are we here?"

"Because you'll get your blood work done, now."

"No! Absolutely not." he says and turns to leave, so I have no other choice.

"Fine, I'll just call Grace and ask her to stop by at Escala to draw a blood sample from you."

The moment he hears me say that he stops and turns back around. "No, do you hear me, Anastasia you will not call my mother!"

"You have two options, Christian. Either you get your ass inside that hospital now, or I'll call her and I don't give a rat's ass if you like it or not."

He gives me a cold stare and heads towards the entrance ignoring me completely, not only while we are waiting for him to see a Doctor, but also on our way back to the apartment and at his penthouse. So, I decide to take a shower and change before breakfast and even then he is giving me the silent treatment.

Around noon I am working on my laptop while he has changed his tactic and is sitting opposite me glaring at me. I simply ignore him, if he wants to play some stupid mind games he won't win them with me.

"Miss Bailey is here" Taylor announces a little while later and Christian frowns.

"Ros, why are you here?" he asks when she walks in.

"I was told you are finally ready to face the music, boss. And it's about fucking time, because I am not going down with GEH, Grey. I've worked with you to build this company from day one, but if you want to ruin it, then I am gone."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Ros" he hisses and I decide to give them some privacy and walk over to the breakfast bar. About fifteen minutes later Christian is pacing the great room, pulling his hair so hard I am actually afraid he is going to rip it all out.

"How could this happen, Ros?" he asks completely horrified and she snorts.

"How this happened, Christian? Seriously? I've told you for months now to either quit the drinking or give me the authorities I need to run GEH alone. Hell boss, you've been to the office ten times last month and 9 out of 10 times you've been hung over and completely worthless. And the one time you weren't hung over you sat in a meeting having one drink after the other. People are scared, Christian. Everyone worries that they are losing their jobs and I can do shit about it. I've heard rumors that some assholes are planning a hostile takeover. Wake up, Christian, because there is still time to get GEH back on track, but you have to give me the authority to do so." she begs him and finally I can see that it dawns on Christian that his company is in deep trouble.

"I still don't understand! Why didn't you inform me about this earlier, Ros?" he asks and she snorts.

"I am telling you this for months now, but on the rare occasions you aren't drunk you are in complete denial. I'm trying to hold GEH together, but it's hard if the boss is ignoring what going on. We have lost three very important deals last month alone and it's getting worse."

"Ana!" he calls out for me, so I make my way to where they are sitting.

"What do you need, Christian."

"Where did you hear that GEH is in trouble."

"Gideon told me about it. He also asked me to tell you that you can call him if you need help or more information."

"I see" he snaps and I am tempted to tell him about Gideon now, but it's just not the right moment.

"Ros, I'll see you tomorrow in my office. I need to think this through, before I decide what to do." he says and she sighs. I guess that is an answer she must have gotten before.

"You better show up, Christian. Because if you don't, I quit." she says and leaves a couple of minutes later, while Christian disappears into his study. I peek in, just to make sure that he is not drinking again. But he is just sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. Maybe it's best to give him some time.

In the early evening a courier arrives with the results of Christian's blood work. Grace has pulled some strings so that they returned as fast as possible and because Christian is still in his study I take the envelope and bring it to him.

He is sitting at his desk cursing like a drunken sailor. And his hands are shaking, making it hard for him to type on the keyboard of his computer. I guess that's because he didn't have a drink today.

"What?" he snaps when I come in.

"The results of your blood work arrived." I hand him the envelope and watch as he opens it and flicks through the contents.

"They must have sent the wrong results, those are not mine" he says, so I take them from him and read the report.

"I don't think that they've send you the wrong file. Look at that Christian, have you read what it says? You're liver can't tolerate the amounts of alcohol you are drinking much longer. Do you know what alcoholic hepatitis is? Because that's what is going to happen to you if you don't stop to drink!"

"I don't have a drinking problem, I might have had too much to drink for a short while, but I can stop when ever I want." he says and I sigh.

"Really, then why are your hands shaking? Why are you sweating like you've just ran a freaking mara..."

"I don't have a fucking problem, Anastasia. All I need are five seconds of fucking silence and a drink!"

"No what you need is to understand that you have a serious issue and that you need help. Look at you Christian, you are no longer in control, you have given up all your precious control and now it's the alcohol that is controlling you. You need to go to rehab and..."

"I'm fine"

"No you are not" I snap back and he pushes to his feet and slams his fists on the desk.

"I. Am. Fine. Understand?" he says and glares at me.

"No, you are not, you are lying to yourself. Just read this, read it carefully and then google what this means."

I leave his study and for the rest of the evening he stays in his study. Around midnight I give up and go to bed only to wake up to the sound of his piano a couple of hours later.

After I while I decide to check on him, but once I am out of the bed I frown and realize, that I didn't see his piano in the great room, when I arrived. I wonder why he moved it. I follow the sounds of the piano until I am outside his playroom.

_Why is the piano in the playroom? _I push the door open and gasp. Everything that once was in this room has been removed and the walls are now painted black giving the perfect contrast for all the pictures Jose took of me. And in the middle of the room is the piano facing the picture of me in which I am smiling brightly.

If anyone else would have done something like this; decorate a room solely with my pictures, I would have been completely freaked out, but knowing that Christian did this I am sad. This room was his sanctuary, the one place in the world where he was in complete control and now it's like a gallery full of pictures that remind him of what could have been.

Before I really know what I am doing I find myself moving closer to the piano and sit down next to Christian on the bench. He continues to play or to be honest he is trying to play, but his hands are shaking so badly he has a hard time pressing the right keys.

Suddenly he stops closes the lit and rests his head on it. "I miss her"

"Who?"

"The girl in the pictures" he replies and I smile.

"She is still there. She just had to grow up, spread her wings and learn how to fly."

"Is he treating you right, Cross?"

"Yes, he is. Can I tell you a story?"

"What story?" he asks and lifts his head a little to look at me.

"The story of the girl in the pictures."

He nods and I start. "Her mother was born into a rich family, but she always felt like a misfit, the black sheep. She couldn't really connect with her parents or her older sister. But when she was a teenager her sister married and her brother-in-law was a really nice person. Eventually she fell in love with him. She spent the summer before she was supposed to go to college with her sister, her brother-in-law and their son. And to make a long story short, she ended up having an affair with him and ended up pregnant by her brother-in-law. Her family disowned her and forced her to marry an old family friend who was willing to take her child as his own."

"Wait, so Frank Lambert is not your biological father?" he asks and I shake my head.

"Did you know that all the time?"

"No, do you want me to continue with the story?" I ask and he nods. "So, Carla gave birth to a girl and she named her Anastasia, after the Russian princess, because she wanted her daughter to be strong and beautiful, just like the princess. Almost 22 years later Anastasia went to New York with her pervert of a boss, who had nothing better to do than to drug her and try to rape her. Luckily for her there was a man in the room next door who heard her scream and that man happened to be the owner of the hotel who came into the room with his master-key and saved her. And because the man, namely Gideon, was worried if the girl was going to be okay, he went to the hospital the same night to check on her. But when he got the first good look of her face he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. Because the girl he had saved looked just like his aunt Carla, who he had seen the last time when he was only four years old. So, he returned the next day and asked the girl if her mother happened to be his aunt Carla. And guess what, she is. That left the girl wondering why her mother had lied to her about having a family and when Anastasia talked to her mother she found out that the man who saved her is not just her cousin, but her half-brother. And since then the girl has found a family in her half- brother and his other half-sister Ireland."

I stop and look at Christian who just stares at me completely blank.

"He... he is not your boyfriend?"

"No, Gideon is my brother, the best brother in the world."

"I thought ... why isn't that public knowledge?"

"Because it is safer for me if everyone thinks I am just a random friend or his sister's roommate, and of course I don't want my mom to go through public humiliation when everyone knows that she had an affair with her sister's husband."

"Do you... have someone in your life?" he asks and I stare at my hands, but I decide that I am not going to lie to him.

"I went on a couple of dates, but it never went beyond the first kiss, for the last six months I am in a sexual relationship with a good friend of mine. It's nothing serious, just friends with benefits."

Christian does not look pleased to say at least, but wisely he says nothing.

"So, you've never been in love with anyone?" he looks so hopeful that for a moment I forget all about my plan to give him tough love.

"No, I gave my heart away nearly three years ago, and no matter how much I tried to forget you, it's still yours" I say and get up.

"It's really early, I'll go back to bed. You should get some sleep, too." I kiss his cheek and go back to bed. Maybe this was completely wrong, but I just had to be honest with him.

I wake up again at nearly eight in the morning, take a quick shower, get dressed and make my way to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Gail. Is Christian still asleep?"

"No, he already left, he left this for you, Miss Steele." she says and points to a letter on the breakfast bar. I take it and sit down before I open it.

_Ana, _

_ever since I've found out how wrong I was about everything I thought to be the truth about you, I have been so ashamed. Too ashamed to do the right thing, which would have been to face you and apologize. Even though I know that a simple apology is not enough. I kept telling myself that since you have Cross; you have moved on and I am just a bitter reminder of a past you've left behind. _

_Seeing you again was a shock, never in a million years did I think that you would show up here. That is why I am so thankful you did, it was the wake up call that I needed. I did a lot of thinking in the last couple of hours while I watched you sleep, and you are right, I need to get my shit together. Sadly, you were also right when you said that I have given the alcohol the control over my life. Still, knowing that I am about to lose my company and maybe even my life wasn't enough for me to change._

_Now I have a reason. You are my reason, Ana. I know that I have a long way to go before I can earn your forgiveness, but there is hope. So, I've contacted my mother and now that you are reading this letter I am on my way to a rehab facility. I want my life back and I want to redeem myself, so one day I might be worthy of you. _

_I am not asking you to wait for me, but I want you to know that once I am myself again, I am going to fight for you. Because the simple truth is I love you, Anastasia Steele and I would move heaven and earth to win you back. _

_Christian_

Oh. My. God. Christian loves me...

_**Don't worry, about them being apart again, because I am going to have a little time jump in the next chapter. And for those who weren't sure about the outcome of this story, by HEA I'm talking about them getting married and live happily together for the rest of their lives. **_


	16. Chapter 15

**4 months later**

_**Christian  
**_  
"I'll give you call when I am leaving, Taylor." I mutter and get out of the car.

The last four months have been hell. I've spent 90 days in fucking rehab and hated every single second of it. Between therapy and stupid group activities I've nearly gone insane thinking about Ana finding someone else. She didn't, I had security on her and so far she never had anyone staying over, which also means that the fucking friends with benefits deal she had is over. I wanted to yell at when she told me about it, but the sad truth is that I had and still have no right to do so. She has every right to move on and find someone who is treating her right or even engage in the casual sex life, if that is what she wants.

Still, I fucking hate to know that some other guy touched her. She is mine and if it is up to me she will be again soon. Which is why after dealing with GEH for the last month, I am now in New York. Ros did a perfect job and Cross helped her out quite a bit. So, now I owe him, which is one of the reasons why I am here to see him and not Ana. The other reason would be that he is her brother and if I want to have any hope in hell to make it up to her, I need more information about the life she is leading now and how she was when they met.

Since it is only 7:30 am I am positive that he is home and after the guy on the front desk made a call I am cleared to go up to the penthouse. The elevator opens and I see Cross leaning in the door frame to his penthouse wearing nothing but pajama pants.

"I had no idea you are such an early bird, Grey."

"I figured you would be home around this time."

"So, are you better?" he asks still not making any attempt to allow me in. Fucker is up to something I just know it.

"Better than ever" I answer and before I see it coming he has landed one hell of a punch right in my face sending my ass to the floor.

"What the fuck?" I hiss rubbing my jaw.

"That's for treating my sister like dirt, now get your ass off the floor and come in" and with that the fucker turns around and disappears into his penthouse while leaving the door open for me.

_Well, that could have gone worse_, I think to myself get up and find him in the kitchen.

"Coffee or ice pack?" Cross asks with a smirk and I glare at him.

"Careful Grey, there's more where that last punch came from, you don't want me to modify that pretty mug of yours permanently, plus Ana would have my ass if I did, so wipe that glare of your face!"

"Is that how you treat your guests?" I mutter and he snorts.

"Only the ones who treat one of my sisters poorly. And don't tell me that you would act any differently if some fucker would sent Mia through hell and back." Fuck, he is right I would kill any guy who would hurt my sister.

"Fine, I guess that punch was justified."

"Good" he says and places a cup of coffee in front of me. "So, let me guess you need my help with Ana?"

"A little inside into her life here in New York would be helpful."

"Are you still into that BDSM shit?" he asks and my still aching jaw nearly hits the floor.

"Don't worry, Ana didn't tell me. I saw you about five or six years ago disappearing into one of the dungeons with one of the subs at Dark Passion."

Damn it, Dark Passion is a BDSM club here in New York. I went there a couple of times when I had to stay here for eight weeks to get the New York office of GEH running.

"No, Ana isn't into it, so I can't be either." I answer truthfully, I need her more than the control the lifestyle was giving me.

"Good, because if I ever find out that you debase, beat or humiliate her I will kill you and make it look like an accident. I don't get along well with most of my family, but I love my sisters and I will do what ever I deem necessary to protect them."

"Fair enough, but just out of curiosity, are you in the lifestyle?"

"I like control, but I do not care for any aspects of the lifestyle that go beyond bondage or spanking. So, what exactly do you want to know?"

"How does Ana live now, what does she like?"

"Well, she is on the board of the Crossroads Foundation and has her own charity project called Safe Haven, it's a home for abused children. She devotes most of her time to charity work. Other than that she is just a normal young woman who likes to go out with her friends, she likes to cook for her friends and she, just like my other sister Ireland, is obsessed with The Big Bang Theory."

_What the hell? _"Since when is Ana into evolution?" I ask slightly confused and the fucker is laughing at me.

"Christ Grey, have you been living under a rock? It's a TV Show about a girl who moves into an apartment and becomes friends with a group of scientists, it's fun."

"I don't care for any TV shows. Watching TV is a waste of time."

"You better change that, because Ana loves that show and once every two weeks we have a TBBT marathon and watch as many episodes as possible in one night. She loves that."

I guess it won't kill me to look into it. If Ana enjoys it that much. I make a mental note to go online and look what that shit is about.

"What about that fucker she was seeing?" I ask and now he glares at me.

"If you are referring to my good friend Arnaldo, they are no longer in a sexual relationship, but they are still good friends and hang out."

That has to end, no way I want her to have a friend that once was in a sexual relationship with her.

"Look Grey, I don't mind to give you some hints, but why don't you just go down to the fifteenth floor and talk to Ana?"

"Because I have a lot to make up to her and I am still working on a plan to do so."

"I see, and is the guy you have following my sister around helping you to come up with a plan?" he asks and takes a sip of his coffee. _Arrogant bastard I hope you choke on it!  
_  
"No, he is here to make sure that Ana is safe. And how do you know that anyway?"

At that Cross squirms making me feel slightly better. Looks like he has someone who follows Ana, too.

"Look Grey, when I first met Ana she was a mess. She was all alone, so fucking thin that I was sure she was suffering from some sort of eating disorder, but even worse was to see how a beautiful and intelligent young woman like Ana had no self-confidence, she was so insecure it was painful to witness. It took nearly a year to get her into a really good place, she enrolled in self-defense classes, I helped her to meet new people and little by little she grew into the confident and strong woman she is today. I want her to feel like there is nothing she can't handle and I am most certain that she can handle just about anything. Still, there is always the possibility that something happens to her and she is out numbered or not able to defend herself, which is why I have someone following her from a distance. She doesn't know, because it would only make her feel insecure again. Bottom line is however, my guy noticed your guy within a day."

"I am not going to tell her, but don't you think she would be safer if she had close protection?"

"No, my guy is close enough to make sure she is safe at all time. And she would hate it to have someone following her and tell her what to do anyway."

I decide to leave it be, once Ana is mine again I will have Sawyer follow her openly, for now knowing that there are two security guys following her from a distance has to be enough.

Suddenly there is a knock on the front door and Cross smirks. "Now, that should be interesting." he says and I raise a questioning brow.

"The front desk calls me to let me know if someone is coming up, even if the person is on the list of approved visitors. Which means the person who has just knocked is living in the building. My sister Ireland doesn't get up before nine on the weekend, so that would leave Ana as the only option." he explains and I curse inwardly. This is not how I want our first meeting to be.

"Over there is my study" Cross says and he moves toward the door; like a fucking coward I find myself hiding in his study just in time for him to let Ana in. I leave the door ajar so I can at least see her and what I see has my dick twitching.

She is dressed in a white top and the shortest fucking denim shorts I have ever seen, in fact they are so short if she bends forward just a bit I am sure everyone who is looking at her can get a nice view off her buttocks.

I watch her walking around the kitchen as if she owns the place, which just shows how comfortable she is around her brother. Damn, her legs look a mile long in this outfit and I imagine those legs wrapped around my neck. _Shit, down boy, not now!  
_  
"So, Ana how come you are here this early?" Cross asks and I grown inwardly when Ana leans a little forward on the kitchen counter revealing just an inch of her perfect bare ass to my to my view. _Mental note to myself, once Ana is mine I need to find those shorts and burn them, no way she can wear them once she is mine again. _

"I need to ask you a favor. I had to take my car to a service station, because my check engine light was blinking all the time."

"How very Penny of you" Cross chuckles and my breath catches when I hear Ana giggle. Fuck, I love that sound.

"I know, right? Anyway, they called me ten minutes ago and told me that apparently the engine is fine, but there is a major issue with the electronic and they need to order some things to fix it, so I won't get my car back until late Monday evening or Tuesday morning. But I really wanted to drive around a little today and buy some things on the farmer's market."

"No problem, Carlos can drive you around."

"Yeah, well... actually I would love to drive myself and..."

Cross holds one hand up, disappears out of view for a moment and re-appears throwing car keys to Ana.

"The DB-9 is parked in spot 5, have fun."

"I will, thanks" Ana answers all excited and I want to barge in and take the keys from her. Has Cross lost his fucking mind? She can't handle that car, has he not seen her drive before? _Calm down, Grey, there is nothing you can do about it now without storming out and demanding for her to give the keys back, which in turn will take away what little chance you have to win her back. _

I close my eyes and count to ten, but when I open them I nearly forget how to breathe, because Ana is staring directly in my direction.

"Something wrong, Ana?" Cross asks and she shakes her head.

"It's nothing... just this weird feeling as if... doesn't matter. I'll bring the keys back later tonight. I would ask if you want to join us tonight to have some drinks at the club Arnaldo is going on and on about, but I know you have better things to do" she says with a huge grin on her face and his face shows the same grin.

"I sure have."

"Well, then don't let me keep you from anything. See you tomorrow" she says plants a kiss on his cheeks and leaves. I wait until I hear the door close and storm out.

"What the hell, Cross? She can't drive a fucking DB-9, it's too much for her to handle!" I snap and he snorts.

"Are we talking about the same girl here, Grey? Because my sister, both of them actually, are excellent drivers. And it's not like this is the first time I let her drive my DB-9, so chill, Christ, if you keep that temper up you'll give yourself a heart attack before you turn 40. Her driving skills are the last thing you need to worry about."

"And what pray tell are the things I need to worry about?"

"For one, how you are going to win her back if all you can offer her is a long distance relationship." he says arrogantly and now it's my turn to smirk.

"She will move back to Seattle, of course."

"Grey, be real here. Ana has a life here and not just that, she has responsibilities. Safe Haven her charity project, she can't just leave that behind. I can't see her leaving the board of the Crossroads Foundation either and of course she has her family here."

"Her father lives in Montesano, much closer to Seattle" I counter and his mouth pops open.

"Well, at least you didn't mention that in front of her. Ray died almost a year and half ago."

Fuck, I should have run a new background check on Ana, but I wanted to do it right this time, no background checks or extreme stalking. Sure she has her work here, but she has to realize that my job is much more important than hers, if we want to have a relationship she has to move back to Seattle.

"I had no idea, how is she dealing with it?"

"She is good now, she takes comfort in the fact that she's spend the weekend before he died with him. So, at least he wasn't alone in the house when it happened."

I am just about to reply when I hear a door open, followed by a very familiar face.

"Why are you up this early, I wanted to wake you up with a blow job" I hear the voice of my sister and sure enough a second later she comes into view only dressed in her panties. I turn around immediately while Mia screams and hides behind Cross. So, I take my sweater off and throw it in her direction without looking. Fuck, what guy wants to see his sister almost naked and talking about giving head. This is a nightmare.

"Okay, I'm decent, you can look now" I hear her say a second later and turn around to glare at her.

"Forgot to tell me something?" I ask and she just smiles.

"Had I known that you would show up here, I would have told you that Gideon is my boyfriend, but I thought I'd wait for a better time. You hated every boyfriend I had so far and Gideon is Ana's brother so I didn't want you to storm in here and give him the big brother talk."

"I see, just when exactly did this happen?"

"While you were in rehab and Gideon came to Seattle a couple of times to help Ros with GEH. Since Ana couldn't come with him she asked me to show him Seattle."

"And you think that a long distances relationship is what you want?"

"No, that's why I am moving to New York next month." she says and I close my eyes and count to ten. Fucking Gideon Cross, damned hypocrite tells me that I can't make Ana move to Seattle, yet my sister can move to New York. True, Mia can work anywhere where she has space to draw and work on her newest fashion collection, but still I want my sister live close by. We just reconnected while I was in rehab and I hate the thought that she is moving to New York now.

"Please be happy for me?" She begs and I sigh.

"I am Mia, I just think that you need to really think this through."

"I know what I am doing, I was never so sure about anything in my life" and then she does it, she is giving me that look of hers, wide-eyed and pleading and like always I melt. Damn it, she knows I can't say no to her if she is giving me that look.

At least Cross is not the kind of guy she usually goes for. I still shudder thinking about her and that Kavanagh boy. She met him through Kate and he fucking used her. She ended up heart-broken and I wanted to kill the bastard. Cross on the other hand seems to be caring and the way he looks at her shows his affection for her.

"Do mom and dad know?"

"Yes, I've told them last week and they are fine with it. Well... mom more than dad, but you know how he is when it comes to me." she giggles.

"Much like your older brothers, huh?" I joke and she laughs.

"Just like them, so you two continue to talk, I'll take a shower. Turn around so I can give you your sweater back."

"Keep it." I mutter and watch her disappear into the direction she came from.

"Remember when you told me that you would kill me if I ever hurt, Ana? The same goes for my sister, Cross." I threaten him, because if he thinks I am going to sit back and watch when he fucks things up with my sisters he is in for a surprise.

"I am fully aware of that, Grey. Just know that your sister means a lot to me, I've never met anyone like her and I am not going to fuck this up. So, I don't want to be rude, but if you don't have anything else you need to know I would ask you to leave now."

_Sure, so he can fuck my sister. Damn it, get your shit together, Grey. You came here not just because of Ana, now say it!_

"Just one more thing, then I'll leave. I came here to thank you, for helping Ros getting GEH back on track. I know how busy you are and I really appreciate your help, so if there is anything I can do for you, just let me know."

"No big deal, I had some business in Seattle anyway. But if you want, let's just say you owe me one."

"Fair enough, so I'll better leave now." I walk towards the door and press the button for the elevator once I am outside.

"Oh and Grey, the club Ana and her friends are going to tonight is called Cain Club." Cross says just as the elevator arrives.

"I'll keep that in mind" I mutter get into the elevator and as soon as the doors are closed I take my phone and call Taylor. Looks like tonight I have to go to a night club, and maybe then I have figured out which way is the best to start mission: _Get Ana back...  
_

* * *

_**The next chapter will be up on Tuesday or Wednesday, I really need some time to update my other stories... and for those of you who were wondering about Mia's profession, I changed it, in the books she studied cookery in Paris, but I always thought something to do with fashion would be a better pick for her, so she is fashion designer now...**_

_**And I wanted to thank all of you for reading/reviewing this story. I have to say I am a little overwhelmed with the amount of reviews that come in with each chapter, but I love to read your thoughts as they help me to develop the story :-)**_

_**I hope you all have a great weekend**_

_**Sunny**_


	17. Chapter 16

_Stop it Ana! This is getting silly. When will you finally stop checking your phone every five minutes for a message from __**him**__? _I roll my eyes at myself, it's right I need to stop doing this. But the sad truth is I am hurt. Christian Grey has managed to hurt my feelings yet again, I hate myself for believing what he wrote in the letter he had left for me.

Sure, he loves me. If that's the truth he has a very unique way of showing it. One would think if you leave the woman you love a letter telling her that you are going to fight for her it wouldn't take this long for anything to happen at all. I know that he has left the rehab center a month ago and he didn't call me once.

It's not like I expected him to show up here right after he left the rehab center, but a phone call, a letter or even a lousy text surely wouldn't have been too much to ask for. But what was I expecting? It's not like he is known for his caring side. After all he didn't even apologize to his family for not talking to them in over a year and half.

He simply told them he wasn't in a good state of mind. Of course Grace and Mia were so happy that he was talking to them that they forgave him right away; Carrick just accepted that his son is not going to offer a better apology, but Elliot is still pretty hurt. Even with all the shit Christian has put his family through, through the years, he always saw him as his best friend, Christian was supposed to be his best man at his wedding and he didn't even apologize or seemed happy about the fact that Elliot is going to be a father.

Kate told me that Elliot is so heart-broken over Christian's behavior he doesn't even want to talk about it, though she found him in the garage crying. Of course Elliot being Elliot, he wouldn't admit that he was crying and told he something flew into his eyes, but Kate is sure that it was because of Christian. I hate to say it, but he is such an asshole, at this point he doesn't deserve to have such a wonderful family.

And then there is me, stupid little Ana Steele who got her hopes up because of some words written in a letter. When I came back from Seattle I ended my sexual relationship with Arnaldo right away. I just thought if Christian could make it through rehab and be his old self again, maybe he would find a way to make it up to me and it wasn't fair to Arnaldo to continue our arrangement knowing that in reality I wanted to be with someone else.

As it is now, Christian can go and fuck himself. I know he had a lot to take care of with GEH, but if you tell or write someone that you love him or her, then it is not too much to ask for some kind of message. Obviously, I am not important enough to him to even think about that.

_God, I feel so stupid, he probably found himself a new sub as soon as he left the rehab center... _

15 minutes later I decide that this day can't get any more worse. The guy from the service station just called to tell me that my car won't be ready before Monday or Tuesday. Shit, I wanted to drive around and run some errands.

I decide to ask Gideon if I can have his DB-9 for today. I love that car, it's fast and a joy to drive. I am actually tempted to buy one for myself, but then I keep thinking how I could use the money to help others and that I already have a car.

Of course, I could afford to have two cars, hell even twenty cars if I wanted to. Gideon is looking after my money and he has tripled it over the past two years. Thinking about it, I decide if I still like the DB-9 after driving it today as much as before I buy one. Maybe I let it ship to Seattle and drive full speed between Grey House and Escala all day, _hah I bet Mr. Control-Freak would love that.  
_  
The thought makes me smile and so I get into the elevator and press the button for the top floor. It's still early and I know that Mia is staying with Gideon for the weekend, I hope they are up already. I am happy that he finally talked to her. He deserves a nice girlfriend and after Ethan just used her to make another girl jealous I am happy that Mia finally found a guy who is treating her right.

At his floor I knock and about a minute later he opens just dressed in his pajama pants.

"Hey, did I wake you up?"

"No, I was up already, come in" he motions for me to come in so I walk into the kitchen, get a glass from the cupboard and pour myself a glass of cranberry juice.

"So, Ana how come you are here this early?" Gideon asks.

"I need to ask you a favor. I had to take my car to a service station, because my check engine light was blinking all the time."

"How very Penny of you" He chuckles and I giggle in response.

"I know, right? Anyway, they called me ten minutes ago and told me that apparently the engine is fine, but there is a major issue with the electronic and they need to order some things to fix it, so I won't get my car back until late Monday evening or Tuesday morning. But I really wanted to drive around a little today and buy some things on the farmer's market."

"No problem, Carlos can drive you around."

"Yeah, well... actually I would love to drive myself and..."

Gideon holds one hand up, disappears out of view for a moment and re-appears throwing car keys over to me. _Yes! Those are the keys for the DB-9!_

"The DB-9 is parked in spot 5, have fun." he smirks.

"I will, thanks" maybe driving around for a while will help me not to think about Christian for a while. And just then I have this weird feeling, the one I used to get when I shared the same space with Christian. It's like a magnetic pull and I feel drawn to his study. The door is ajar, but what on earth would he be doing here? And of course Gideon would have told me if Christian was here. Okay, now it's official, I am going insane!

"Something wrong, Ana?" Gideon asks and I shake my head.

"It's nothing... just this weird feeling as if... doesn't matter. I'll bring the keys back later tonight. I would ask if you want to join us tonight to have some drinks at the club Arnaldo is going on and on about, but I know you have better things to do" I say with a huge grin on my face and grins back.

"I sure have."

"Well, then don't let me keep you from anything. See you tomorrow" I kiss his cheek and leave his penthouse, but once the door is closed I lean against it for a second. _Hell, I need to get out for a while and maybe, just maybe I need one too many cocktails tonight.  
_  
Once I am in the car and driving I feel a lot a better. The DB-9 is such fun to drive, I will definitively buy one. A black one maybe. When I arrive at the farmer's market and I just look around and buy some things, but the more I walk around the more I get the feeling that someone is watching me. And not just anyone, but a damned megalomaniac control freak from Seattle.

I stop and look around, but I can't see him. Great, maybe I am going insane. Why oh why, did I allow myself to get my hopes up? I didn't spend two years to become a confident young woman, just so one stupid letter can reduce me to this paranoid mess. No, I won't let this happen again. If he thinks that he doesn't have to contact me at all, even after I dropped everything to help him, when he didn't deserve my help, then I won't spend another thought on him. It's time to finally get over Christian Grey for good and I know exactly where I am going to start.

When I arrive back home in the early afternoon I put my shopping bags on the kitchen counter and grab a bottle water from the fridge.

"Hey Ana I... OH MY GOD!" Ireland screams and hurries over to me. "What have you done... holy crap! Your hair!" she gasps and stares at me.

"I've cut it. Looks good, right?" I ask and she seems to be in a state of shock.

"Yes... but ... I ... it's so short, Ana it doesn't even touch your shoulders" she says and slowly walks around me to look at my new haircut from every angle.

"I wanted to try something new, it was too long anyway." I shrug. I wanted to cut my hair so often, but deep down I knew that I never went through with it because Christian likes women with long hair. Now I don't care anymore. My new haircut is awesome, a bob with many layers and shorter bangs. It makes me look even younger, not sure I like that effect, but I guess it's better to look younger than older...

"It's cute, but I might need some time to get used to your new look." she says and I take one of the shopping bags and show her the leather dress I've bought for tonight.

"Um... did Grey dump you again?" she asks and I frown.

"Why would you say that?"

"Well, new clothes, a new haircut, that's typically a girl thing when one gets dumped by her boyfriend and I saw Grey leave the building when I came home this mor..."

"WHAT?" I shriek and Ireland jumps startled by my shrill voice.

"I stayed at Kim's last night and she had to work early, so I was here around 8 in the morning and I saw Christian Grey leave the building and get into a black Audi. Wait, he wasn't here?"

"You have got to be kidding me" I hiss and storm out off the apartment, into the elevator, ride up to the top floor and bang against Gideon's door until he opens.

"What's the matter, Ana? I don't think the door did anything to you, so why are you beating it up?"

"Not funny" I mutter and stomp into the kitchen.

"Ana!" Mia squeals and hugs me.

"Oh, your hair looks gorgeous, I like the cut." she says.

"Sorry Mia, I am not in the mood to talk about my hair. Gideon, when I was here earlier today, is it possible that Christian was here?" I ask and he chuckles.

"Hell, I knew that you felt something..."

"Wow, that's rich. So the bastard can come here to see you, yet he doesn't even have the grace to come out and say hello. Great, that's a new low for him. Mia, the next time you talk to your brother, tell him to go to hell!"

"Ana calm down..." Gideon tries to placate me, but I am on a roll.

"I don't want to calm down. I dropped everything to go to Seattle to help him out of the mess he got himself into. And that's what I get in return. I'm so done with him." I fume and Gideon grabs me by the shoulders.

"Ana, calm down. He came here to talk about you..."

"I don't care anymore, Gideon, because I know exactly what he is going to do. First he came here to gather information and next he will stalk me, until he decides to approach me and I am no longer playing his stupid games. The time to talk was four weeks ago, he missed that chance, now I am done. I am not putting my life on hold for a guy who does nothing but to walk all over other people's feelings."

"Ana please, he had such a hard time and Christian is not good in showing affection, but..."

"Mia, I am really sorry to say this, but you might be able to forgive him every time he fucks up, but I am not. I didn't expect him to show up right away and I am fully aware that GEH had to be his number one priority after he left rehab, but a simple phone call or any form of message wouldn't have been too much to ask. Now, he is in New York and does what? Try to figure out a plan to make it up to me? Well, guess what. I don't want some grand gesture, all I wanted is one conversation. I wanted the chance to tell him how badly he fucked up one god damn time, but no he just doesn't have the balls to knock at my door and do that, so I am moving on."

"But he loves you, Ana" she counters weakly.

"Mia, the sad truth is that Christian has no clue what love really is. If he did, he wouldn't treat the people closest to him like dirt. You might not want to see it now, but that's the truth. So, if you want to give him chance after chance to hurt you, go for it, but I'm not going to let him do this to me again."

With that I turn around and leave the apartment. I don't even know why I am so angry and hurt, but all I know is that I finally need to move on. He hasn't changed at all, it's still all about him. His rules, his needs and I am the stupid little girl that has to wait for him to make the first move... _well fuck him not this time. _

Later that evening I am at the Cain Club with Melody, Arnaldo and two other good friends of mine Cheryl and Nadine.

"So, where is your new hunk, Mel?" I ask. She was going on and on about this guy she met recently and I thought he would be here tonight, but she arrived alone.

"Ugh, I dumped him. He freaked me out." she says and shudders.

"Why?"

"Every time we had sex he would pull out and cum all over my face, crying out for me to open my mouth and be a good girl for daddy."

"Eww, every time? Okay, I would have dumped that guy, too." I giggle. Poor Melody, she always manages to find guys who are weird in some way.

"So, now spill the beans, sweetie! Who dumped you?" She asks and I roll my eyes.

"Seriously, Ana. That dress and your new haircut, that screams bad break up."

"Mel, please no one dumped me or do you seriously think I could date anyone without you finding out?"

"Good point, no you couldn't. And I love the dress, it's hot." she says and suddenly it's there again this odd feeling and I know that Christian is here.

"Hey earth to Ana?" Arnaldo waves his hand in front of my face and I look at him.

"How about we get some fresh air, you just downed your vodka lemon as if it was water." he says and I look at my empty glass. I didn't even notice that I was drinking...

"Yes, that sounds good." I take my purse and we step out of the club where Arnaldo lights a cigarette.

"That is such a nasty habit." I mutter and he smirks.

"One cigarette every now and then won't kill me, Ana. Besides it helps to relax." he says and without thinking about it I take the cigarette from him, inhale and start to cough.

"Ugh, that is so gross!" I get out while I am still coughing and Arnaldo starts to laugh.

"Sorry Shorty, I didn't mean to laugh."

"Do not call me Shorty" I pout.

"Grow some more and I won't call you shorty again, Shorty" he chuckles and I glare at him.

"Sorry, so what's eating you?"

"Christian, he is here" I sigh. When I told Arnaldo that our friends with benefits time was over, I told him about Christian and funny enough I feel the most comfortable talking to him about Christian.

"So, the guy finally found his balls and showed up?"

"Nope, he is in New York, he was at Gideon's this morning and now he is stalking me, but he still didn't see it as necessary to talk to me." I tell him and get a breath mint from my purse in the hope that it is going to take that terrible taste from my mouth.

"Stalking you?"

"Yes, one of his specialties."

"So, he is here right now?"

"Yes, most likely watching us." I mutter.

"Do I have to understand this?"

"No, because I sure as hell have no idea why he can't just get his ass over here and talk."

"Do you want him to get over here?"

"If the only other choice is that he keeps stalking me, then yes."

And before I know what is going on Arnaldo has grabbed me and is kissing me.

"Fight me" he murmurs against my lips and I still don't get what he is doing, but I try to push him away only for him to hold me closer. _What the hell? _

And the next second I realize what he was trying to do, because suddenly Christian is there pushing Arnaldo away from me and shoving me behind him.

"Is that him, Shorty?" Arnaldo asks, I nod and suddenly Arnaldo grabs Christian by his shirt and glares at him.

"Listen careful, fuckhead that girl over there is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, you hurt her again and I will spend the rest of my life coming after you, just to make sure you're miserable every single second of your fucking existence" he hisses and I have never seen Arnaldo this angry. Boy, he is scary, but he lets go of Christian and turns to me.

"There you have him, Shorty. Holler if you need me, I'll wait at the entrance" he says and walks over to the entrance.

Slowly I turn to look at Christian and I nearly lose it when I see that he is glaring at me.

"Are you better?" I ask and when he nods I slap him hard across the face.

"Fuck Ana, what was that for?" he hisses and rubs his cheek.

"Calling me a no good lying bitch, trying to kick me out at my best friend's birthday party, hiring some wannabe actress to stick it to me and allowing her to touch you, firing me after I got nearly raped by my boss, not having the balls to talk to me when you found out how wrong you were, nearly drinking yourself to death, oh and not even thinking about calling me once in the last four months ... the list is endless." I hiss back and at least he looks contrite.

"That's quite a list" he murmurs with a slight smile and that only fuels my anger.

"You think this is funny?"

"No, I... I am just not very good at apologizing and I am not sure if that would be enough anyway."

"Wow, you really have no clue, Christian. Yes, a simple apology is not enough, but at least it is a start. Stalking me or hiding when I came to my brother's place this morning is not!"

"So, he told you?"

"No, Ireland saw you leaving when she came home and thought you had come to see me."

"Ireland?"

"My cousin, she is also my roommate."

He nods and sighs. "Look Ana, I know you want to talk, but here and now is not the right time. Can we meet tomorrow?"

"I am going to Safe Haven tomorrow morning."

"When will you be back?"

"Monday afternoon."

"Can we meet then?"

"I have appointments."

"Okay, so when do you have time, I am here until Wednesday." he says and now it's my turn to sigh. Isn't this what I wanted, talk to him and finally say all the things I wanted to tell him since Kate's birthday?

"You can come with me to Safe Haven tomorrow, but I am going early."

"I can pick you up, what time do you want to leave?"

"Around 8:30 in the morning."

"Good, is there anything I need to bring?"

"Just a change of clothes if you don't want to drive back tomorrow evening. And dress casual, I am doing a art project with the kids, so it's going to be messy."

"Sure... so, do you need a ride home, now?" he asks tentatively.

"No, I am going back in, my friends are all there and I want to dance a little."

"Well, I leave you to it then." he says and I nod.

"Okay, so see you tomorrow." I turn to leave but he calls me back.

"Is that him?" he says and nods his head in Arnaldo's direction.

"Yes, that is Arnaldo, he is a very good friend and our sexual relationship is over."

"Then why did he kiss you?"

"So, I would fight him which in turn would force you to come out of your hiding spot. He is not like Jose, Christian. I've learned from my mistakes."

"Hopefully" he mutters and turns to leave, but looks at me one more time. "I hate what you did to your hair" he says and with that he leaves, while I stare after him.

"Everything alright, Shorty?" I hear Arnaldo's voice and find him standing next to me.

"I have no clue, can we like not talk about Christian tonight. I have to leave in an hour, let's go back inside and dance a little. I need something to do or I might go insane today.

"Sure, and Shorty, don't listen to him I think your hair looks great" he says takes my hand and drags me back into the club and onto the dance floor, but while we are dancing I can feel that Christian is still here, watching me.

_Why oh why couldn't I fall for a man as easy-going as Arnaldo?_


	18. Chapter 17

It's 7 am and I am up since four in the morning. I just couldn't sleep. I came home around midnight and went straight to bed, but no matter what I tried, I just kept turning from one side to the other, sleeping for a couple of minutes and waking up again. And I know exactly why I couldn't sleep, I was and still am afraid that I might have been to harsh with Christian.

He is just out of rehab and while I couldn't see him at the club, I know he was still there watching me. What if he was so upset about my behavior that he started to drink again? I would never forgive myself if that's the case. Even as mad as I am at him, I still care about him. I want him to be better and not go back to drinking.

To clear my thoughts I change into some sweatpants and a hoodie, put my running shoes on and make my way to Central Park for a run. I take my usual route and just when I have turned around to run back home I see someone running a couple of feet in front of me and I am pretty sure I know who it is, though this time I don't think that he followed me.

I run a little faster until I have almost reached him and call out for him, but I guess he is listening to music, because he is not reacting, so I run until I am next to him and touch his arm. He stops startled, but smiles when he sees me and remove earphones.

"So, are you stalking me now, Miss Steele?" he asks still smiling and I can't help, but smile, too.

"No, I was just on my morning run when I saw you. I leave the stalking to you, so just out of curiosity, when did you leave the club yesterday?"

"I was just making sure that you would make it home safely."

"And alone, I assume"

"You can't expect me to like the fact that you are friends with a man you know intimately. I might not have the right to do something about it, but that doesn't mean that I am okay with it, Anastasia."

"You don't have to, I guess that would be too much to ask for and completely against your nature, but I assume you have had a sub or two, since I walked out on you."

I try to sound cool, but actually, I hate to think about it. "There is a coffee shop nearby, if you want to talk about it." he says and I nod. We walk in silence to the coffee shop and he holds the door open for me.

"English breakfast tea, bag out?" he asks.

"Actually, I'd like a white chocolate mocha and a banana muffin."

"What ever happened to you drinking tea?"

"I still drink tea, but since I've moved here I've learned to appreciate coffee."  
"I see, why don't you get us a table and I get the coffee." he asks and I nod.

Looking around the coffee shop, I find a table in the corner, sit down and wait for Christian. He returns five minutes later and places my mocha and muffin along with his coffee and a chocolate muffin on the table.

"Thanks" I murmur and take a sip of my coffee.

"Your welcome, Anastasia. So, to answer your question, I didn't have a new sub. However before I found out the truth, I would visit a club from time to time. The scenes didn't include intercourse though. I needed to be in control and this was the only way I knew how to feel in control."

"Have you found another way now?"

"Not so far, it is rather unnerving to be honest. Running and workout helps, but only to some extend. Drinking helped as an escape, much like it did before I entered the lifestyle. Though I know now, that it was a mistake, it took what little control I had left from me, Dr. Flynn and I are still trying to find a way for me to feel in control without the lifestyle."

"You could always start to participate in the lifestyle again." I murmur.

"No, I can't." he says simply and I frown.

"Why?"

"You know why, Anastasia. I want you back, I meant what I wrote to you in that letter. And if the lifestyle is not for you, I can't be in it either. It is very simple, Anastasia. I take you anyway I can get you, we've clearly established that my lifestyle doesn't work for us, so I have to find a different way."

I let his words sink in and while I believe what he is saying, I just can't see us starting over like nothing happened.

"Christian, I believe what you are saying, but the problem is I am not the girl I was almost three years ago. So much has changed since then, I have changed and even if we somehow manage to work through all the shit that has happened between us, there is still the fact that we really barely know each other."

"You know me better than most people, Anastasia." he counters and I shake my head.

"You think that I do because usually you don't let anyone in, but believe me in the grand picture of things we are still strangers. Maybe we need to change that first, I don't want to lead you on, Christian. I still care about you, but I have to be honest and the truth is right now or any time soon I can't picture us as a couple."

"I'm not going to give up on you, Ana. I don't care what I have to do or how long it is going to take me, but as long as you don't tell me that there is no chance in hell for us I am not giving up. And even if you did I would still try to change your mind." he says and for some reason that makes me smile.

"Okay, but I think we need to set some ground rules."

"Rules?" he smirks.

"Yes, rules, Mr. Grey or are you going to tell me that you are no longer a fan of them?"

"Depends, what your rules are."

"First, no more stalking and by stalking I mean not just you following me around, but also that guy who is following me for at least three months now. If you want to know where I am or what I am doing, just call me or if you are in town stop by at my place. I won't shut the door in your face or ignore your calls. But I hate it when someone is following me and your guy is pretty obvious, dressed like one of the Men in Black and driving three cars behind me in a freaking black Audi."

"I needed to know that you are safe." he says matter of factly and I roll my eyes at him, which in turn has him glaring at me.

"Christian, I have been taking classes in Krav Maga for over two years now, I have a gun and pepper spray and even though my brother thinks I don't know it, but he has someone following me around, too. So, I think I am pretty safe."

"You have a gun?" he asked shocked.

"Yes, I got the license a couple of months after I moved to New York."

"Do you even know how to handle a gun?"

"No, of course not, I got the license because I showed off my tits" I tell him my voice dripping in sarcasm and he purses his lips.

"You know Anastasia, just because I am no longer participating in the lifestyle doesn't mean that my palms don't twitch when you open that smart mouth of yours." he warns me and I giggle.

"Well, as tempting as a spanking may sound, I guess you have a lot of groveling to do before I allow you to spank me for being a naughty girl." I tease and he sucks in a sharp breath.

"What other rules?" he moves on after a moment.

"Rule number two is actually something you once told me."

"And what would that be?"

"Open communication. We could have avoided this whole mess if you had just talked to me. So, talk to me whether you are pissed or just want to talk, stop by at my place or call me."

"I can do that, what more?"

"There is one more thing, but it is not exactly a rule, more something I would like you to do."

"What is it?"

"When you are back in Seattle and have time I want you to call Elliot and spend some guy time with him."

He frowns. "What has Elliot to do with us?"

"Nothing, but he is your brother and he is pretty hurt. He wouldn't say it out loud, but it was pretty hard on him that you've missed his wedding and not showed much emotion over the fact that he is going to be a father soon."

"Why is this important to you?"

"Because I like Elliot, he is a great guy. Did you even know that he thought of you as his best friend? Besides, you don't have any friends, so give it a try, please?"

"I guess, it won't hurt to spend some time with him. But I have a friend El..."

"Christian, you say that name out loud and I'll leave."

"She is a good friend, Ana." he says and I close my eyes. _Calm down, Ana, if you go ape shit on him now it won't do any good.  
_  
"Can we just agree on the fact that we have different opinions when it comes to her?" I ask and he nods.

"Good, now I have to go home and change. Are you still coming with me to Safe Haven?"

"Yes, if it is okay with you, Taylor will drive us."

"Actually, that's perfect. My car is still at the service station and the DB-9 has not enough space to bring everything I need.

"I have a four by four, so I guess what ever you need to take with you will fit. I'll pick you up in 45 minutes."

"Perfect, I let the front desk know that you are coming." I get up and he stands, too.

"Laters" I smirk and leave the coffee shop. Well, that went better than expected, let's just hope the rest of the day goes the same way.

At home I shower quickly and change into some jeans, chucks and a tank top. I put the three boxes with paint next to the front door and get into the kitchen preparing everything else that I need for today.

Thirty minutes later the guy from the front desk calls to let me know that Christian is on his way up. I open the door for him and lead him into the open kitchen.

"Great apartment, does Cross own it?"

"He owns the building. He gave the apartment to Ireland and I after she moved in with me."

"I see, so are the boxes by the door all you need to bring with you?"

"No, these bowls, too" I say as I open the fridge and get them out.

"What on earth is that?" he asks.

"Pudding, vanilla, coconut, white chocolate and banana, I've dyed it with food coloring. We are going to paint with it." I explain and he looks appalled.

"You want to paint with food?"

"Look Christian, I know you have issues with food, but the kids you are going to meet today they have been through so much, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, neglect... you name it and they have been through it. So, this is just a little fun and I promise you, they will eat just as much of it as they will use to paint on the canvases or themselves."

"How old are they?" he asks and looks deep in thoughts.

"There are twenty-eight kids at the moment, the oldest is eleven and the youngest has just turned three. Oh and once we get there don't take it personally if some of them are not even looking at you, for most of the kids it takes a while to warm up to strangers."

He is just about to say something when Ireland comes out of her bedroom she sees Christian and her mouth pops open.

"Good morning Ireland."

"I ... umm... " she stutters totally awed by Christian, who looks seriously hot in faded blue jeans and a tight black t-shirt. _Damn, those jeans look almost like the ones he used to wear in the playroom...  
_  
"Christian Grey, it's nice to meet you, Miss Cross" he says to her and they shake hands.

"Hi, and um... it's Miss Vidal, but you can call me Ireland." she says and walks over to the fridge.

"So, you have the apartment to yourself until tomorrow afternoon, Ireland."

"I know, I have some friends over to study and watch a movie." she says takes a cup of ice cream from the freezer and leaves the kitchen.

"Is she eating ice cream for breakfast?" Christian asks.

"Yup, she can live on Ben & Jerry's." I answer with a shrug and a short while later we are in the back of his car with Taylor driving.

"Why did you decide to do charity, couldn't you find a job in publishing here in New York?"

"I had a job, I worked as a junior editor for Brinkley Publishing, but I quit the job to concentrate on my charity work."

"But why?"

"Well, Gideon insisted that I would take my share of the money my mother's parents left their grandchildren and I just decided to use the money to help others. All the children that have to go through terrible things in their life... I just felt that I needed to help. I might not be able to change the world, but at least I can try to make a difference."

"Does your brother pay you well?"

"I work for free, Christian. I have enough money, I don't need to be paid to do a job that I love. Actually, it's much more than a job to me, it's what I was destined to do. If I see one of the kids I am working with smiling or just having a good time, that's worth more to me than making tons of money."

"And why did you open Safe Haven?"

"Many children who suffered from abuse experienced it in their home. Naturally, they can't stay there once someone finds out what their parents or legal guardians are doing to them, so they go into state care. There are many foster homes with parents who are wonderful and really know how to take care of a child that has been through any kind of abuse, but sadly, there are just not enough of these foster families. So, many children have to live in orphanages or other facilities the state overlooks, and in those places there are sometimes so many kids that the people working there just don't have the time to give as much attention to those children as needed. And that is what happens at Safe Haven. Right now there are ten child psychiatrists living their with the children, there are also two art teachers, two personal trainers and five nannies who are working there. We have cooking classes, the children are allowed to have pets, they can play in the huge backyard and for those kids who aren't ready to enroll in school yet, we have private teachers giving them lessons at Safe Haven."  
"And the state pays for everything?"

"No, for most parts the money comes from the Crossroads Foundation and myself, but we also have some other benefactors and I am in contact with the state of New Jersey so we can open a second Safe Haven there. One day I would love to have a place like that in each state."

"Sounds like a really good plan. I don't know how you would feel about it, but I would like to help you. A place like this would be a great help for many children in Seattle. I'm sure my mom would be delighted to help you, too."

"Let's see how the day goes and I'll think about it." Of course, it would be a great help to have him behind my charity projects, but I don't think it is a good idea to make any plans now, when we don't even know where things between us are going. Maybe, he realizes that he doesn't like me the way I am now and then we would be forced to work together on the project even though he doesn't want to see me again.

"Good, so you like New York?"

"Like? I love it, I never thought that I would live in a city like that one day, but it's amazing. I couldn't even imagine living anywhere else in the world."

"Not even London?" he asks and I am surprised he remembered how much I wanted to see England.

"I was there last year, I even went to see the Jane-Austin-House. It was great, but what can I say I am a New York City girl."

"So you finally had the chance to travel?"

"Yes, I went to some great places, besides England Thailand was the most amazing place I've been to so far."

"Really, Thailand? I've never been there, but I've heard they have beautiful beaches."

"Yes, they do. Gideon owns a beach resort there and Ireland and I went to check it out, it was amazing. You should go too, it's the perfect place to relax."

"I do business trips, Anastasia. I don't have time to go on vacations." he says and I roll my eyes.

"Said the guy who died of a heart attack before he turned forty." I mutter and he shrugs.

"When you have a big company like GEH, you just don't have much free time."

"Then you are doing something wrong, Christian. Because a week or two to go on vacation each year should be no problem even for a megalomaniac control freak CEO like you." I say and take my phone from my purse when it signals a new message. I open it and feel tears in my when I see a 3D ultrasound picture and the words _"Say hello to your godchild. Miss Ava Marie Grey. Kate xxx"  
_  
"Ohhh, look at that, Christian" I gush and hand him my phone.

"Wow, they can do that, make ultrasounds like that, I mean you can really see the baby in great detail" he says as he studies the picture.

"It's a 3D ultrasound, Kate told me she would have one yesterday. Isn't that amazing?"

"I suppose it is. Well, lucky girl looks more like her mom than Elliot." he grins and hands me the phone back.

"Send Elliot a text that you've seen the picture and that you are happy for him" I tell Christian as I answer Kate's text.

"Why?" he asks frowning and I sigh.

"Because it would mean a lot to him. Come on, please?" I give him my best puppy eye look and he sighs, but takes his phone out and sends the text. Only seconds after he has sent the text his phone rings and of course it is Elliot.

I listen to him talk to his brother and I am a little proud of Christian when he asks his brother if they can meet next week to hang out. Maybe there is hope for him yet.

"It seems you were right, Elliot seemed delighted to spend some time with me." he says and I want to laugh, he looks liked this is a whole new concept to him.

"It's because he is your brother and he loves you." I say softly, but he doesn't answer and looks deep in thoughts. Hopefully him meeting Elliot more often is going to help him... and keep him away from Elena. I definitively need to do something about her, he needs to realize what she did to him. To me it is clear that she is the reason why he is so withdrawn and has no friends. Somehow I need to find a way to make him see what she has done to him and that she is still trying to control him. I would love to tell Grace what she did to her son, but I can't. Not because of the stupid NDA, but because I know that Christian would never forgive me for betraying his trust like that and in turn Elena would win even more control over him.

When we arrive at Safe Haven, I watch Christian look around and he seems impressed.

"I didn't expect the place to be so huge" he says.

"Originally, it was a farm, but we knocked the old buildings down and build everything from scratch. Elliot came to New York to make the blue prints and he helped me to find the right construction worker for the job. Do you want to go in or do you want a tour around the property first?"

"I guess the children are already waiting for you, so let's not make them wait any longer." he says and so we get the pudding and boxes with paint from the car and he tells Taylor to pick us up the tomorrow morning.

_Well, this should be an interesting day...  
_


	19. Chapter 18

_**Ana**_

I can tell that Christian is not really comfortable the moment we walk closer to the entrance. Maybe this is a bit to close to home for his liking. After all, if it wasn't for the Grey's adopting him, he could have ended up in a place like this. But deep down, I feel that this will be good for him.

When I knock he frowns. "Don't you have a key?"

"Yes, but I don't use it. After all this is not my home, it belongs to the children." I answer and the door is opened by Karen, one of the child psychiatrists who work here.

"Hi Karen, I brought a friend with me, this is Christian. Christian meet Karen one of the child psychiatrists who lives here with the children."

"Nice to meet you, Karen" he says and they shake hands.

"So, Ana the kids are having breakfast. Well, all of them except for our special little darling." she says and points to the corner by the staircase where a little boy is hiding.

I make my way over to the staircase and kneel in front of the two year old boy.

"Hi Sam, have you been waiting for me?" I ask and he nods shyly. "And can I get a big hug?"

He shakes his little head and peeks up at Christian, not willing to come out of his hiding spot because he doesn't know him.

"Do you want me to tell you a secret?" I ask and he nods so I lean closer to whisper into his ear.

"That's my friend Christian and you know what? He is like a big teddy bear, you don't have to be afraid of him."

Sam eyes Christian a little skeptical, but when I open my arms, giving him a bright smile he leaves his hiding spot and allows me to hug him and lift him up in my arms when I get to my feet.

I love this little guy. From the second he arrived here four months ago we have bonded and if I could I would adopt him, but deep down I know what he needs is a family with a stay at home mom who can give him all of her time.

"Christian this is Sam. Sam this is my friend, Christian" I introduce them, but Sam hides his face in the crook of my neck.

"Don't take it personally, Sam is not fond of meeting new people."

"It's okay... so what are we going to do now?"

"Breakfast, come on, I bet you never had blueberry pancakes as delicious as the ones that our cook Lisa makes."

"Sounds good" he answers so I lead him into the huge dining room. Inside are six large round wooden dining table each big enough for eight people to sit at it. One wall is made out of floor to ceiling windows giving a beautiful view to the back yard and the playground. On the opposite end of the room is a large table where the food is placed buffet style.

"You take what ever you like. Coffee, tea, orange juice and milk is already on each table. I'm going to say hello."

"Okay, um... which table?"

"The empty one over there with the high chair for Sam." I point to the only table that is not occupied at the moment and leave Christian at the buffet. I greet each child before making my way back to the buffet.

"Hold on tight spider monkey" I tell Sam and he wraps his little arms and legs around me tightly so I can let go off him and fill two plates for us. Carrying them over to the table I put them down place Sam in his high chair and sit down.

"Two minutes Sam, I need to cut your pancakes for you." I tell him and fill milk into his sippy cup.

"Isn't he too old for a sippy cup, Ana?"

"When he arrived here four months ago he didn't even know how to hold it. For now this is safer than handing him a plastic cup, but we are working on it. Please hold on to your plate." I tell Christian and he frowns, but does so when Sam starts to throw his usual tantrum which includes a lot of grunting and trying to get out of the chair to get what ever food is on the table into his little hands while I am trying to cut his food in record time.

"Hey there, Sam. Here take this" Christian says and hands him a piece of his pancake, which, thank god, occupies Sam long enough for me to finish cutting his pancakes and place it in front of him.

I start to eat, too but stop when I see that Christian is watching Sam in horror when the little guys shoves his food into his mouth with both hands.

"We are working on it, this is progress. At first we had to strap him into the high chair and feed him before everyone else had breakfast because he scared the other kids. I was here the day he arrived, he was like a little demon the moment he came in here he tried to climb onto the buffet table, he was screaming, kicking and biting just to get to the food. We want to work on his table manners as soon as we can bring him to stop the tantrums. Small steps."

"Is that why he is sitting here alone?"

"Yes, for now anyway. Many of the children here were malnourished when they came into state care, so having to watch their food at each meal is stressing them out. Usually it's one or two adults with him at this table. Once we get his tantrums under control he can sit with the other kids, but for now it's the easiest solution for everyone here."

Christian nods deep in thoughts and I can tell that meeting Sam has him thinking about himself as a child.

"Ana?" I turn when I hear a little soft voice and smile at Jillian one of the girls who lives here.

"Hi Jillian. What can I do for you, sweetheart?"

"Here" she hands me a slightly scrambled sheet of paper and I look at.

"Wow, you have a B- in your English test. That's great sweetheart, I am so happy for you. How about we frame it and hang it over your desk. I think I have a frame in my room."

"The one with the sea shells?" she asks clapping her hands and bouncing up and down.

"Exactly, how about you take this and hold on to it until I have finished my breakfast, then I get the frame and we can put it over your desk together?"

"Okay, thank you, Ana" she hugs me quickly, takes her test and runs off to her best friend Mona who also lives here.

"Should you be praising her like that. I mean it's a B-." Christian asks.

"Eight months ago when Jillian came to live here, she couldn't read or write at all. For her that's a big deal and of course I want all children here to enjoy school, after all they need a good education, because the sad truth is those kids don't have a family to get them through college, they need good grades to get scholarships."

"Are they getting tutoring here?"

"Yes, of course, some are even home schooled here, until they are ready to enroll in one of the nearby schools."

"Are there many?"

"Yes, when I was looking for the right property to build Safe Haven I made sure that we have schools nearby. The younger kids take the school bus, because it is safer, but the older ones like to go to school by bike. It's important for them to go to school, not just to have a good education but also to socialize. They can have friends over, we invited the parents of their school mates over for BBQ's so they know it is alright to allow their children to come here. I know that this place can't replace a normal family life, but I want the children here to have a normal childhood and school is a important part of that."

He nods and looks at me as if he weighing something up in his mind before he speaks again. "Why is this so important to you, I always thought you dreamt of a career in publishing."

"I did, I worked at Brinkley Publishing when I came to New York, but this is so much more important. I am in the lucky position that I could sit back and enjoy my life without work for the rest of my life. I just feel like I have to give back. I was lucky, when my biological father died my mother met Ray and he was the best father a girl could ask for. Had she met husband number three while I was a baby... well I probably wouldn't be here."

"Why? What did he do to you?"

"Nothing, but he was making me very uncomfortable. The way he looked at me and how he would make comments about my clothes and body. It was just very inappropriate for an adult to behave like that towards a teenager. Then one day I came home from school and my mother had all my stuff packed and she put me on the next plane back to Seattle where Ray picked me up. At the time I thought I had done something wrong and she would never talk about what happened back then. All I knew was that she moved out the same day and they got divorced. It wasn't until last year that she told me she found pictures on his computer and it scared the living daylights out of her. All she could think of was that she needed to keep me safe, so she put me on the first flight back to Ray. She wanted to go with me, but all she could afford at the time was the one plane ticket for me."

Christian looks as if he is about to get sick. "What kind of pictures?" he asks.

" Pictures of teenage girls, very inappropriate and disturbing ones. She reported him to the cops and he is in prison ever since. I didn't ask what they've found to send him to prison for 20 years, but it must have been bad. You see, I was lucky. My mom would have done anything to keep me safe, others aren't that lucky" I murmur while thinking about my brother, Christian and all the children I have met since I became involved with the Crossroads Foundation.

After the breakfast I get the frame for Jillian, while Christian takes the paint and pudding we brought with us into the art room. Once all is set the kids each get a plate with a scoop from each pudding and they start to paint either on the paper I laid out for them or on themselves which seems to be the more popular choice.

"What is wrong, Mr. Grey? Not into painting?" I grin when Christian just stares at the huge mess the kids are creating.

"I wouldn't call that painting, Christ, you have to hose them down once all the pudding is gone." he mutters.

"Maybe, but they are having fun and that was the goal of this little exercise."

"Yes, especially your little buddy over there" he chuckles and points to Sam who is happily eating the pudding with his hands. "What happened to him, Ana?"

"I don't know. Six months ago he was found in a dumpster. An old homeless lady who was looking for something to eat in the dumpster found him. He was beaten half to death, badly malnourished, naked in the middle of January. The police couldn't find any hint where he came from. Newspaper articles asking for witnesses didn't help either. To this day we have no idea where he came from. The nurses in the hospital named him Sam, we are going to celebrate his birthday on the day he was found. The doctors in the hospital told us that he must be between two and three years old."

"He couldn't tell you his name?"

"No, Sam has not spoken a single word since he was found. At first we thought he is mute, but he was examined and physically he is able to talk. Maybe he never learned how to, but most likely what ever happened to him traumatized him so deeply that his mutism is just a part of the trauma."

For the longest time Christian just watches Sam and then he speaks again.

"How did you meet him?"

"While he was in the hospital he got a case worker and she is a friend of mine. She called me right away. I've met Sam while he was still at the hospital. He had to stay for nearly two months. Nina, his case worker couldn't find a foster family for him, he was like a wild animal at first, so he came to live here. At times he is very challenging, getting him to leave his clothes on was borderline painful and when he had his first hair cut he bit the hair dresser, but we are getting there."

"You really like him, don't you?"

"Like him, no, I love the little guy. If I could I would file a petition to adopt him first thing tomorrow morning."

"Why don't you?" Christian asks and I am surprised. I really expected him to give me a lecture about how adopting a child would make my life so much harder.

"Because he deserves so much more. What he needs is a family, mother and father. If I would adopt him, he would have to go into a daycare and getting used to new people is not easy for him. I just feel like I can't be all that he needs."

"You love him, maybe that is all that he needs. You loving someone Ana, it's the most special thing on earth." he says and before I can answer he gets up walks over to where Sam sits and after a while I watch them both paint together.

_Who is this man and where is the Christian Grey I know?_

_**Christian**_

What a day. I have to say that I was very nervous about coming to Safe Haven. I was never good with kids and would go a long way to stay away from them. It's too easy for them to touch me and they wouldn't understand my boundaries anyway. Funny enough coming here was a revelation. Seeing the children and hearing their stories, it made me think of myself, where I came from and that I could have very well ended up in state care if it wasn't for Grace and Carrick adopting me.

But more so it made me think of myself as a teenager, when things with Elena started. I still believe that she helped me, but hearing some of the things those kids have been through makes me question her motives. Not something I want to do, but it keeps coming back to my mind. Naturally, as my mother's friend Grace would have told her about all the trouble I was constantly in, about my issues of being touched. Is that why she didn't touch me the first time she kissed me? Because she knew?

Fuck it, for the first time since I have left rehab I really want a drink, but instead I get out of bed to get a Coke. I always hated Coke, too sweet and unhealthy, but while being in rehab I grew fond of it. Ana showed me the kitchen earlier, so I make my way to it and to my surprise there is light on and I find Ana sitting on one of the chairs by the large kitchen table.

"Can't sleep?" I ask and she looks up.

"No, this freaking thunder storm makes it impossible to sleep" she mutters.

"Scared?" she doesn't even get the chance to answer before the next thunder roars loudly and she jumps in her seat.

"Maybe, I know it's childish, but I hate thunder storms. Why are you still up?"

"Can't sleep. Do you know if they have Coke here?"

"I think in the fridge in the garage, I get my keys."

"No, it's okay, a water is fine too." It's raining like hell outside and I don't want Ana to get sick.

"Okay" she gets up and gets two bottles from the fridge, handing me one she sits down again.

"Why is the Coke in the garage?"

"Because it's only allowed on lazy day."

"Lazy day?"

"It's something my Mom and Ray would do when I was a child. Every second Saturday of the month we would have breakfast at I-Hop, eat ice cream for lunch and have pizza or burger from McDonald's for dinner. It was fun. So, we have the same here. The kids love it. The older once can have a can of Coke and the younger once can have other lemonade or soda. Other than that we try to keep them on a healthy diet. It's easy to seek comfort by eating tons of unhealthy food each day, so we don't have it here. If they want a snack they can have cut fruit or veggie sticks; candy and chocolate is not on their daily menu."

"Sounds like fun" I murmur and rub my hands through my hair deep in thoughts. This is her life, she really lives for this place. I guess thinking that it would be easy to get her back to Seattle was a mistake. As was thinking that my job is more important than hers. She has given up a promising career to be to help children in need and seeing her here with the children I am not sure I can ask to come back to Seattle... _fuck._

"So, what are your plans for tomorrow" I ask her to distract myself.

"Getting up around six for my morning run, then I'm having breakfast with the kids and after that I have to go to Harlem where I meet my team to visit a school. That might take until late afternoon, so I will just have the time to go home and change for the dinner with members from different charities. What about you?"

"I have some meetings in the afternoon and Mia texted me earlier to ask if I want to have dinner with her, since your brother has a teleconference with Japan which will take up most of his evening. But I would like to see you again before I have to go back to Seattle Wednesday morning."

I can tell she is chewing something over in her mind and I am pretty sure I am not going to like what she is about to say next, but she surprises me.

"I am having friends over for dinner on Tuesday, after dinner we want to watch a movie. I would like for you to come too, but I guess I should tell you now that Arnaldo is going to be there, too."

Hearing her say his name I press my mouth into a hard line. Fuck, I want to see her, but I have no desire to hang out with a guy she was intimate with.

"I can ask him if he would mind to do something else on Tuesday, but Christian if you want to be a part of my life you have to get over your jealousy when it comes to Arnaldo. He is just a friend. Our sexual relationship is over... it was over the moment I've read your letter. I was never in love with him, it was always you."

"I remember that you didn't like me being friends with Elena either." And I regret those word the moment they are out of my mouth, because Ana goes tense the second I have mentioned Elena's name.

"Christian, I am going to say this only once. Do not compare Arnaldo to that woman. I know you don't see that what she has done to you was wrong, but it was. What she did to you is criminal, despicable and just wrong. You weren't old enough to really know what you were getting yourself into and she should have known better. She is a pedophile. It's that simple. Had your relationship started once you were an adult I still wouldn't like that you are friends with her now, but I would live with it for your sake. But I can't and won't tolerate you being friends with her. If you want to have any chance to win me back you have to cut all ties with her first."

"She really did help me, Ana" shit that sounds pathetic even to my own ears. Here I am at a home for children who have suffered through all kinds of abuse and I am defending a woman who lured a 15 year old boy into a full on deviant BDSM relationship.

"No she didn't, I wish you could see how she is still manipulating you. Just maybe once ask yourself why she is your only friend and if what happened between you is so perfectly okay, if she was such a force of good in your life, why can no one know about it?"

And there it is again, the same fucking questions Flynn has asked me so many times, the same questions the shrink in rehab asked when I opened up about my introduction to sex. The simple truth is, I don't want to answer those questions, because deep down I know now that Ana is right.

"You don't have to answer me, just think about it. It's late, I'll try to go back to sleep. Do you want to join me for my morning run tomorrow?"

"Sure, why not." I watch her get up and I know I have just fucked up what little progress we've made during the day here. But before Ana even takes three steps there is the loudest fucking thunder I have ever heard in my life, the lights flicker and Ana jumps onto my lap curling up and hiding her face in the crook of my neck. The next second we are in total darkness which is only interrupted by the lightning outside.

"Make it stop" she begs and I can't help but laugh.

"Baby, I'd do anything for you, but not even I can change the weather."

"Do not laugh at me!" she pouts and lifts her head to look at me and when the next lightning baths the kitchen in light for a short moment I see her beautiful eyes and I know I won't be able to stop myself. Those eyes, her perfect soft lips, her shifting in my lap... and I know that my next move could ruin everything but I can't stop myself. My lips find hers and when she sighs and kisses me back I hold onto her for dear life.

It's heaven... it's Ana... it's home...


	20. Chapter 19

_**I wanted to write this chapter tomorrow, but again my hubby decided not to wake me from my afternoon nap and now I can't sleep. So what else to do in the middle of the night than to write a new chapter for Broken :-) Oh and this chapter might be surprising to many of you, but it's what I had planned all along...**_

_**Ana**_

"Christ Ana, how much chili do you plan to put in our dinner? If you cut anymore of these little suckers I am probably going to die of spontaneous combustion in my sleep when I rip one." I hear Gideon say, look down at the cutting board and sure enough I have sliced about fifteen really hot chili peppers.

"Urgh! Can you tell my why I am so nervous? It's just dinner." I groan and he smirks.

"Well, let me think about it... oh yes, probably because you are having dinner with your friends and the guy whom you never wanted to see again in your life, because he treated you like dirt, yet now that he is better you are considering to give him a second change and of course you fucked his brains out during a blackout."

I glare at him. "Could you please keep your voice down, I don't want anyone else to know that I had sex with Christian." I look over to where Mia and Ireland are sitting in the living room, but they are absorbed by some TV show.

"What? I am saying it as it is, Ana. I mean sure you could try to convince yourself that you tripped because it was dark and by some random twist of fate you happened to land right on his dick... weirder shit has happened, right?" he says and I start to laugh.

"Look, I am not ashamed that I had sex with him or by the fact that I initiated it. It's just I don't want him to think that we are good, that I just put everything he has done to me behind us."

"Did it seem like that's what he thought was going on?"

"Actually, no. We talked about it and agreed that it happened because we both wanted it to happen, but that it doesn't mean we are a couple. I guess he really knows that with all the shit he has done to me it is not going to be that easy. Still, I feel like I should have had more self control. I literally ripped his clothes off."

"Did he mind that you ripped his clothes off?"

"I guess not, though for most parts he was only screaming _'oh god or holy shit Ana do that again' _... that's a good sign right?"

"Yup, you didn't bring shame to the family" he laughs and I throw the kitchen towel at him.

"Just saying and by the way no guy would complain about an attractive woman making the first step." he says and I frown. Maybe that is right for most men, but Christian is a former Dom, so I guess he was kind of taken by surprise when I took the lead. It was hot though and judging from the stupid grin on his face once I was done with him he enjoyed himself... _a lot_.

"Do you think he is going to get along with Arnaldo?" Gideon asks and I shrug.

"I don't know, I've texted him that Arnaldo was coming with his flavor of the week, and he texted back that he doesn't mind him being here. Maybe he is just trying to be polite, but I guess we'll have to wait and see how this dinner is going to play out."

Fifteen minutes later my friends Nina, her boyfriend Hugh, Melody and Lucy arrive and a little later Arnaldo and his flavor of the week a Swedish model called Svea. She is only going to stay in New York for two more weeks, so I am pretty sure we won't see her again, but seeing that Christian is coming over it is a good thing that Arnaldo brought a girl with him. At least this way he is going to give her most of his attention and Christian has no reason to get jealous.

"I'll get it" I say when I hear someone knocking and hurry to open the door for Christian.

"Hi" I say with a smile and get onto tip toes to kiss his cheek. I really don't want this evening to be awkward for us.

"Hey, I wasn't sure what your favorite wine is, but I thought a Pinot Grigio is always a good choice."

"Thanks, and this is one of my favorites, come in everyone else is already here."

I introduce him to my friends and he seems to be a little out of his element. Most likely because he is not used to hanging out with a group of people his age. _How sad._

"Come on, we get you something to drink." I say and take his hand to lead him into the kitchen.

"Arnaldo made some pitchers of virgin cocktails and I have water, oj, Coke, root beer and iced tea."

"Did you tell him to make virgin cocktails because of me?" he asks and he does not look too happy.

"No, and before you ask I haven't told my friends that you were in rehab. We always have virgin cocktails if we have dinner parties on a week day. Before we all agreed on that we would all end up hungover, so to avoid that we have a no alcohol during week days rule."

"Okay... the green one looks good, I think I'll try that one." he says and so I get a glass fill it with some ice and pour some of the cocktail in his glass.

"Not bad, tastes like he used a bit of cucumber."

"I have no idea, he makes a big secret out of his recipes and even I have to leave the kitchen when he makes them. So, how was your day?"

"Some meetings, nothing special... you?"

"I had a meeting with the head of the CPS from New Jersey and if everything goes as planned we can try to find some benefactors for the Safe Haven in New Jersey soon."

"I would love to help you with it. I'm very impressed with what you do, so if you need a benefactor you can count on me."

"Thank you, Christian. I'll give you a call once everything is finalized."

"Good, I'll go and talk to Mia for a while, so you can finish cooking."

"Okay... wait." he turns back around and I sigh. "Are we good, Christian?" I ask and he chuckles.

"Well, I am still certain that you were trying to kill me during the blackout, but I'd die like that any day, so yes we are good and to answer your question more clearly. I know I have a lot to make up to you, so I am not delusional enough to think that what happened between us is a magic cure for our relationship and I get to call you my girlfriend." he says and I smile.

"You talked to Flynn, right?" I ask and he smiles back. "Maybe" and with that he leaves the kitchen and Melody hurries in.

"You bitch!" she says and I blink.

"Excuse me, Mel?"

"Oh come on, first you get laid by Arnaldo and I now I am convinced that you also had something going with Christian _so-fucking-hot _Grey. Come on, at least let me have some details." she begs and I roll my eyes.

"Fine, I've met Christian in my senior year of college and we dated for a while, in fact I gave him my v-card."

"You know Anastasia Steele, I hate you right now. Seriously, every time I meet a guy he turns out to be a weirdo and you lost your virginity to Christian Grey and moved on to have a FWB with Arnaldo _sex god _Richie. That is so not fair. You know what screw my own rules, I need you to set me up on a date." she says and I laugh.

"Okay, I think I know just the guy."

"Is it Grey?" she asks all giddy.

"Nope, but how about Nick." I ask and she gasps.

"Nick, like the super hot dude from your work?"

"Yes, he is single for a year now and he told me about two weeks ago that he is looking for something serious again. I'll ask him tomorrow if he would like to go on a date with you."

"Did I mention that I love you, Ana Steele? Seriously, it's like you know only hot guys."

"I also know a lot of normal guys and even creepy stalkers who are safely tucked away in padded cells, but I guess you'd prefer to go on a date with a hot guy."

"You bet on it. But why is Grey not availa... oh wait, is he the reason you went to Seattle?"

"Yes, we are kind of trying to work things out, but it's difficult. Still, don't even think about it, you wouldn't win a bitch fight against me" I smirk and she laughs.

"Nope, I wouldn't besides, since he arrived his eyes are glued to you, so I wouldn't have any luck with him anyway." she says grabs a can of root beer from the fridge and leaves the kitchen while I am putting the finishing touches to our food.

During dinner Christian visibly relaxes and engages in a conversation over football with the guys, while Mia goes on and on about how thrilled she is to move here and that she hopes to find a studio for her work soon.

That has me thinking what would happen if Christian and I would be able to work things out. I can't see myself moving back to Seattle, my life is here, but at the same time I can't ask him to move to New York. I don't even know if it is possible for him to move his offices to New York. I know Grace would be bumped if two of her children would move so far away from her, so I guess in the end I would be the one to move and sadly I don't like that idea at all. So, I push those thoughts aside and just enjoy the evening until we all move into the living room to watch a movie.

Like every time we want to watch a movie it takes about twenty seconds until everyone starts to argue which movie we are going to watch. I let them argue and flop down on the sofa next to Christian.

"So what's your favorite movie?"

"I'm not really into movies, watching TV is a waste of time." he says and that gives me an idea. I know he has to go back to Seattle early tomorrow and we didn't talk as much as I wanted us to.

"How about we leave them to argue about the movie and take a walk instead. We really need to talk."

"Sure." We get up and leave the apartment without anyone noticing it.

"The guy at the front desk didn't call you to let you know that I am here like he did Sunday morning." Christian says as we leave the building and walk in the direction of Central Park.

"He didn't have to, you are on my list of approved visitors. You should feel honored it's a very short list."

"Really, who else is on it?"

"My Mom, Kate, Elliot and you."

"Really, not even Arnaldo?" he asks and I smirk when he makes a face while saying his name.

"No, none of my friends. I really trust them and they mean the world to me, but after what happened with Jose I like it that I am informed about anyone who comes up to my apartment. Even Ireland doesn't put anyone on that list."

"Well, then I am happy to tell you that I am feeling very honored right now, Miss Steele."

"As you should, Mr. Grey" I giggle and he stops.

"How about that?" he asks and I points to some horse carriages down the street. I've seen them many times and always wanted to take a ride, but I felt stupid doing it alone.

"Really?" I ask excited and he nods, so we head towards the carriages and he talks to the coachman before helping me in and sitting next to me.

"Don't tell me you haven't done this before" he chuckles when I am just sitting there smiling like an idiot.

"No, I mean my only option was to do this alone and how sad would that be?"

"Well, then I am happy that I am here to take you on a carriage ride." he says and as much as I just want to enjoy this, I know we need to talk and there is something I need to know.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me what ever you want, Ana."

"The girl, the one you brought to Kate's birthday, was she a former sub of yours?"

"Yes, I've asked her to accompany me for this evening. She is an actress and I told her I needed someone to pretend to be my girlfriend in front of my parents. Though she realized very quickly what I was doing and told me to never contact her again."

"So it was just me then?" I ask and feel tears burning in my eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, obviously you had no problem with her touching you, so I assume you just don't like it when I touch you while it was okay with all of your subs." _Shit, even saying it really hurts._

"No, Ana, please. That is not true. I allowed her to touch me... because I wanted to hurt you. I thought you had moved on and it hurt so much, I thought this was the one thing I could use to really hurt you back, showing you that I could let someone else touch me when I knew how badly you wanted it in our short time together."

"Well, if that was your plan then you succeeded." I mutter bitterly.

"I am sorry, Ana."

"I wanted to kill myself that night, after Taylor kicked me out I was wandering around with no direction at all and then I saw the truck in the far distance. If it wasn't for Elliot I would be long gone by now." I whisper. I never wanted to tell him this, but I need him to understand how much he had hurt me that night, that a simple _I am sorry _is not good enough.

When I look at him all the color has drained from his face and he looks utterly devastated.

"Ana... I ... that is not what I wanted to happen ... I ..."

"Christian, please. I know that you never wanted to that to happen. I just need to be honest with you, if you want to redeem yourself for what happened you need to know what it did to me. We have to be able to talk about everything, no secrets, no beating around the bush and telling half truths. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I'd rather get hurt than lied to."

"Do you see a future for us?" he asks after what feels like ages and that is an easy question.

"Yes, I'm not sure how to get there just now, but I definitively believe that we can have a future together. Otherwise I would be at my apartment right now watching a movie with my friends, while you would be back in Seattle, because I would have told you to leave and just move on with your life."

"So, you mean it and you are not just biting your time until you think that I will no longer run into the first liquor store when you tell me that there is no chance in hell that you'll ever forgive me." he asks and I gape at him.

"Christian you are not some kind of charity case for me. Is that what you think? That I am just sugarcoating you because you are a recovering alcoholic?"

"The thought has crossed my mind." he says and I am actually offended he would think that.

"Now listen to me, Christian Grey. You want to know why I came back to Seattle the minute I heard what you were doing to yourself? I did that because even after all the shit you've done to me, I still love you. That is also why in almost three years I never entered any kind of serious relationship, because I knew it wouldn't be fair to have a relationship with someone when in reality I still wasn't over you. I'll never be over you simple because I can't. You've ruined my chances to ever fall in love with any other man, because there is no one who will ever come even close to you for me. So, you better find away to earn my forgiveness, because I am 25 years old and in five years from now I want to be happily married with at least two kids and number three on the way." When I am done with my little rant I take a deep breath and almost snort with laughter because Christian is staring wide eyed and open mouthed at me.

_Looks like I've managed to shock the great Christian Grey into silence, hah!_

"You still love me?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean that I can just forgive you everything that has happened and run off into the sunset with you."

"Tell me what you need me to do, Ana."

"I need you to show me that I can trust you, that you really meant what you have written in the letter you left for me when you went to rehab. I can't give you a second change when I constantly have to worry that we end up tearing each other apart. I need to know that no matter what someone is going to say to you about me, you'll come to me and talk to me. I won't spend the rest of my life worrying that someone is going to tell you something about me and you are going to believe that person. And I need you to work on your issues Christian, you have a tendency to hurt the people who did something wrong in your eyes, and I am not talking about that BDSM shit, you hurt people emotionally and that is so much more worse."

He looks very deep in thoughts for a while and then nods. "I guess you are right. I was never good in dealing with any kind of emotions. I've hurt all of my family when I thought I was protecting them... I've hurt you so much. But I promise I can change." he says and I take his hand in mine as the carriage stops.

"Then that is what I need from you to forgive you, prove to me that you can change."

He nods again and helps me out of the carriage. As we walk back to my apartment I look down at our entwined fingers and he follows my gaze.

"Sorry, I didn..." he tries to pull his hand away but I don't let him. "Don't it feels right" I say and I know he is grinning because I am blushing.

"I am glad that I can still make you blush" he says and I decide to tease him. "Oh Mr. Grey I bet I could do a thing or two to make you blush, too."

"I'm looking forward to it" he says and I frown when he comes to an halt in front of my apartment building.

"It's getting late and my flight is schedule for 5 am tomorrow morning, so I better head back to my apartment now." he says and I let go of his hand.

"Call me when you've landed in Seattle?"

"Sure... so I am not sure when I can come back to New York."

"I'll see if I can find time to come to Seattle soon."

"Good, so I'll call you tomorrow. Goodbye Anastasia."

"Bye Christian, take care." I watch him walk towards a black SUV and see Taylor getting out of it. Poor Taylor, did Christian made him wait in the car the entire time?

I watch as Christian takes his jacket off and he is almost in the car when he stops, he hands his jacket to Taylor and walks back to me.

"I allowed her to touch my chest over layers of clothing, it makes it bearable. It is touching my back or chest skin to skin that is really scaring me." he says and suddenly he starts unbutton his shirt.

"Christian what are you doing?" I ask confused and when his shirt is open he takes a deep breath, grabs my hand and places it over his heart on his bare chest and I gasp.

"Christian please, you don't have to do this" I whisper barely able to fight my tears and I feel his rapid heartbeat and look at his face. His eyes are screwed shut and it looks like he is experiencing the most horrible amount of pain, so I try to take my hand away, but he keeps it firmly in place, until he opens his eyes and stares into mine. Gray to blue.

"It's only you, Ana. It's always going to be only you." he says and lets go of my hand. "Don't cry, Ana, please for you I want to learn to accept your touch. I want no boundaries, no rules between us." he says as he gently wipes my tears away and then he leans down to whisper into my ear.

"Laters baby" and with that I giggle and reach up to kiss his beautiful lips.

"Laters" I whisper against his lips and with that we part and I watch him get into the car and Taylor drives off. And I know, no matter how busy my schedule is I will find time to go to Seattle and see him again, soon...


	21. Chapter 20

_**Just a little warning, I know that the end of this chapter is highly unlikely, but I kind of liked to end it like that... more explanation at the end of the chapter...**_

_**Christian**_

"This spot looks good to me, come on bro, let's make a stop here, I am starving." Elliot says after we have been hiking for nearly four hours already.

He has not stopped talking since he came to Escala to pick me up this morning, at one point I was tempted to gag him. It's not that I don't like my brother, but I am irritated with him. Why is he happy as fuck to hang out with me, when I have treated him and the rest of my family so poorly?

"Hey bro?! Are you even listening to me, do you want to stop here to eat?" he asks again.

"Sorry Elliot, I must have zoomed out for a moment, yes let's eat. Gail has packed lunch for us."

"Thank fuck for that. I am starving and all my wife did was to tell me that I am to take my shoes off before I get into the house when I am back."

"That sounds like, Kate. So... how is the pregnancy going?"

"Great, and Kate's sex drive is insane, had I known that knocking my wife up would get me laid four times a day I would have done it right after the wedding." he laughs and we sit down on the ground where I unpack the our lunch from my back pack.

"How are things with Ana?" he asks and I think about it for a moment.

"I am thinking about moving my offices to New York." Ever since I came back on Wednesday this is on my mind constantly. I need to be close to her and with us living on different coasts and both busy with our work it is going to be a pain in the ass to find time to see each other. I can't ask her to move back, not now anyway and to be completely honest a small part of me thinks that a fresh start in a new town is exactly what I need.

"So you, too." he murmurs.

"You mean Mia?"

"No, actually... look I have been doing a lot of work in New York lately. And there is this project I would love to do, it would start right after the baby is born, but I would need to stay in New York for at least a year or even longer. Kate is okay with it... you know her, she is natural born bitch and making friends is hard for her. She misses Ana like crazy and we have agreed that she is staying at home with Ava at least for the first year, so if we move at least she has a friend there."

"That's great, why don't you do it. Sounds like a huge project that could really boost your career."

"I know and knowing that Mia will be there makes it easier, but hell bro. You know me I am a family guy. I would hate to leave our parents and you behind. And now if you move there too... can you imagine how upset Mom is going to be when all her kids live on a different coast."

Fuck, he is right. Our mom would be pretty bumped if we all moved away, our dad would tell us to do it if that is what we want, but our mom... _shit._

"Yeah, I can see that this would be very upsetting for her... do you think we could convince them to move after their retirement? Dad wants to retire in two or three years and I know he always talked about having a summer home in the Hamptons."

"Maybe, but I'm not sure about mom and you... is it even possible to move GEH to New York?"

"I would keep the offices here and have Ros manage the Seattle division of GEH, it would mean a lot of extra work for a while, but I don't see why it wouldn't work out."

"Have you talked to Ana about that. I mean what if she wants to keep you as friend and you make an ass out of yourself by moving your empire to New York."

"She told me she still loves me, but that she needs me to prove to her that I have changed, I need to earn her trust."

"Well, no shit. Fuck, you really treated her like dirt. Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to beat the shit out of you back then?" he says and that has me thinking...

"How did she deal with our break-up back then?" I ask and he snorts.

"She didn't deal with it at all. Hell, I remember the day Kate and I came back from Barbados, I helped Kate get all of her suit cases up to the apartment and we found Ana crying on the sofa. She looked so bad, we thought someone had died. From that point on all she did was sleeping, working and crying, while she stared at her phone waiting for you to call her. At one point she got so fucking thin and still refused to eat that Kate and I thought about calling her dad. The only time I saw her smile was on our way to Kate's birthday party, of course that was before you showed up." he says and my mind to drifts back to what Ana told me... _that night I wanted to kill myself._

Fuck, I can't even think about it without feeling guilt and pain so horrible that I have to close my eyes.

"Hey bro, she is still willing to take you back." I hear Elliot and I need to change the subject.

"Ana wants kids."

"And that surprises you? I mean, we are talking about a woman who has made it her life's mission so help children in need. Have you seen her with those kids at Safe Haven?"

"Yes, she really cares for them. There is this little boy, I think she really loves him."

"How would you feel about having children, bro?" he asks.

"With my issues and fucked up past ... hell Elliot, what kind of father could I possibly be? But the weirdest thing is, since Ana told me that she wants to have kids, I keep thinking that it would be great to have a little boy or girl that is just like her."

"Well, I just hope that your kids get Ana's sweet nature, fuck me, I wouldn't want to put up with a kid that has your temper. Little shit would probably end up being grounded the moment he or she learns to talk. With you as Dad the first word is going to be fuck I bet my ass on that." Elliot laughs and I smirk too.

Yeah, I cuss a lot, though I did surprisingly well at Safe Haven, even when Sam started to use the paint brush to fling pudding in my face. Little shit laughed his ass off when he managed to fling some right in my left eye making me look like a pirate who lost his eye patch. Ana thought it was hilarious and actually, to see the little guy laughing was worth it.

Seeing him was like looking at myself as a kid. And though I haven't told Ana so far I am going to set a trust fond up in his name. He had such a shitty start in life, he deserves the chance to go after his dreams when he is older and with the money I am planning to put in the trust fond he will never have to worry about anything.

Fuck, thinking about Safe Haven makes me think about the blackout. Hell, that was unexpected. When I ended the kiss to look at her I braced myself for her to punch me or yell at me, instead she ripped my shirt off and took her nightgown off and before I had any clue what was going on we were on the floor with her on top fucking the hell out of me. Gone was the shy girl I once knew and this Ana... fuck even thinking about it now has my dick twitching in my pants.

"Why are you grinning like a loon all of a sudden, bro?"

"Nothing" I mutter and he takes his phone out and talks to what I suspect is Kate, because he is telling her when he expects us to be back from our hiking trip.

"Kate missing you already?" I ask when he puts his phone away.

"Something like that. Come on, eat up the trail is a couple more miles long and my wife is waiting for me at home ready to get fucked again."

Around six in the evening I arrive back at Escala, get into the elevator and scowl at my phone when I see Elena's name flash on the screen. I haven't taken any of her calls since I was in New York and I am not planning on doing it now. If she is a hard limit for Ana I can't be friends with her any longer. Simple. So, I let her call go to voice mail and enter the code for the penthouse. While the elevator makes its way up have to steady myself by holding on to the railing, because the fucking thing is shaking as it goes up. What the hell?

I'm actually relieved when the doors open and I can get out of it. I stop at the security office and open the door.

"Taylor, please call the front desk, something isn't right with the elevator, fucking thing was shaking as it went up."

"On it, Sir" he says and I wonder why he is smiling when he makes the call.

I drop my back pack by the door to the great room and start to strip out of my clothes while I make my way through the great room.

"Dinner in fifteen, Gail" I mutter when I pass the kitchen.

"Very well, _Sir_" I hear a very familiar voice answer and stop dead in my tracks. Can it be? Fuck, am I so desperate to be close to her that I am imagining her voice now?

Slowly, I turn around I find Ana in the kitchen giving me a glorious smile that makes my heart skip a beat.

"I... Ana... how?"

"Well, I've missed you. So, I've asked Ireland if she would attend the fundraiser and gala I was supposed to go to tonight and tomorrow and she agreed. I thought I surprise you and as I can tell from the look on your face Elliot didn't tell you." she says with a smile and I make my way to her and without even thinking about it I pull her in my arms and inhale the sweet scent of her hair deeply.

"Hmm if I get a half naked hug each time I make time to come to Seattle I might do that more often" she grins and I laugh.

"How about full on naked hugs?" I tease and she giggles.

"Hmm... then I might have to move in here and make you stay naked all day just for my personal enjoyment" she says still giggling and I smirk down on her.

"Don't tempt me, Miss Steele, because I am fully prepared to do just that if it means that I get to see you every day."

"Good to know, but now go and take a shower dinner is almost ready."

"You are cooking?"

"Yup, while I was in the jet on my way here I realized that you never had my famous lasagna, so we have to change that. Hurry up, dinner is ready in about ten minutes" she says and I grin when she shoos me out off the kitchen.

I take a shower in record time and dress just in jeans and t-shirt eager to go back to Ana and find her setting up the breakfast bar for dinner.

"What do you want to drink, Christian?"

"Iced tea, please. If you want wine, maybe Gail has some in her kitchen." I offer.

"No, I'm good, I'll just have lemonade."

"You don't have to do this because of me, Ana."

"I know, but ... well the truth is I am not sure that I can make it through an entire evening with you without kissing you and I can't kiss you if I had wine. You see I am being selfish here" she says and the most beautiful blush appears on her face.

"I like this kind of selfishness, Miss Steele."

"I thought so too, Mr. Grey."

"Fuck Ana, that is the best lasagna I ever had" I praise her when I finish off the third helping.

"I'm glad you like it, do you want desert?"

"What do you have?"

"Chocolate tart with vanilla ice cream"

"I guess that is going to cost me an extra hour of workout in the downstairs gym, but I am not going to say no to chocolate tart and of course _vanilla _ice cream."

"Can I come with you to workout tomorrow?"

"Sure, but since when are you into exercising, because I happen to remember that you weren't exactly pleased when I told you that I wanted you to workout."

"I know, but times change and since I've started to take Krav Maga classes I learned to like a good workout." she says and gets up to get our desert.

"You can come with me tomorrow. You are staying here, right?"

"Phew, I thought you would never ask, but yes I would like to stay here, if that's okay with you." she says and I roll my eyes. Does she honestly think that I would allow her to stay in a hotel when she can stay here?

"Careful Mr. Grey or I might have to spank you for rolling your eyes at me" she teases and I laugh.

"I'll keep that in mind. Once we have finished our desert I have Taylor get your luggage up here."

"It's already in the guestroom upstairs" she says and I frown.

"I would prefer it if you would stay in the guestroom down here."

"Why?"

"Ana, that room upstairs, you know that is was the room where all my subs have stayed in. You deserve better than to sleep in the same bed as them. I would love to have you sleep in my room, but I guess that would be too much to ask for just now."

"I'll take the room down here" she says with a smile and we both turn around when we hear Taylor clearing his throat.

"Sir, Mrs. Lincoln is on her way up." he says and I actually cringe. _Fuck, this is not good._

"Who is Mrs. Lincoln?" Ana asks, but I can tell by her tone that she has at least an idea whom she is going to meet in about one minute.

"Listen Ana, I had no idea she would come here tonight, I haven't taken her calls since..."

"Wait, are you kidding me. It's her, right? Elena?" she asks and I nod.

"Ana I swear I haven't talked to her since I've been in New York"

"It's okay, can I wait in your bedroom until she is gone. I have no desire to meet this woman and if I do things could get ugly pretty quick."

"Sure, I get rid of her quick, I promise."

I watch Ana as she gets up, but it's too late and Elena dressed as usual in black comes into the room. But what I didn't expect was that it is Elena who pales when she sees Ana and Ana gapes at her.

"Oh my god! Is this supposed to be a joke? Christian, is that Elena? Your so called friend?" she asks and I nod.

"What is wrong, Ana?"

"I know her, she was at Kate's wedding. Grace introduced her as Elle... Mrs. Lincoln why don't you tell Christian how you tried to hit on Gideon the second Grace told you that he is not my boyfriend, but my brother" Ana hisses and I stare at her.

"Ana what are you talking about?"

"She knew Christian, she knew that Gideon is my brother. Don't you want to ask her why she never told you. Or why she never told you about Jose and the pictures, because she was sitting next to me when I talked about it with Kate." Ana says and I can feel my anger rising when I turn to face Elena.

"Is that true? Did you fucking know all this time?" I hiss at her and she stares at me wide eyed.

"ANSWER ME!" I yell at her and her face goes from shock to a mask of impassivity.

"Christian, I was trying to protect you, this girl is not right for you. She is not submissive and she made you miserable. Look at her, she is nothing special, just a mousy little thing that is going to hurt you again the second you let her in again. You don't need her, I am what you need. It has always been me; I've made you ... without me you would be nothing" she says arrogantly and I feel Ana grabbing my hand.

"Don't let her get to you, Christian." she begs and I look down at her small hand holding on to mine.

"What are you, Christian? Her puppy? Don't you see what she is doing, she is trying to make you her lap dog. You are a dominant, master of your universe and she is trying to take all that away from you, every last bit of control you have. First she convinced you that you need rehab and next she..."

"Shut up... fuck... I can't believe this. All this time when Ana told me what a vile person you are, I didn't want to believe her. I've defended you, Elena and now I finally see it. You are a liar and you used me... is that why you didn't want me to get back together with Ana? Because you feared that I would finally see what you are doing?"

"No, I did it because I haven't spent years to turn you into the man you are today just for some mousy bookworm to take away what is mine!" she says with venom in her voice.

"Get out! I am telling you this only this once Elena. Leave my apartment and don't you dare to ever return here. Our friendship is over and if you try to pull any stunts then I am going to ruin you" I tell her and she huffs.

"You need me. You always did, you are nothing without me, Christian. Does she even know? Does she know that you are a sadist who likes to fuck women who look like your birth mother?" she says and I freeze and watch as Ana steps forward and slaps Elena hard across the face.

"Get out! Haven't you heard him, you are no longer welcome here!" She says she is so furious that Elena starts to walk backwards before Ana grabs her by the hair and starts to walk towards the elevator.

I follow them still not able to utter a single words. Ana knows, she is not going to give me a chance. How could she, I am disgusting... a monster... a sadist. I will never see again. This is it, I have lost her forever.

"Christian, do something! How can you allow her to treat me like this?" Elena yells at me, but I don't even look at her.

"Okay, I see she has already taken over here, but this is not over" Elena yells and presses the call button for the elevator while Ana comes to stand next to me and takes my hand again. Why is she doing this? Shouldn't she get ready to leave? Why would she want to stay here with me?

The elevators pings and Elena turns to glare at us. "This is not over, you haven't seen the last of..."

Ana and I jump both forward at the same time as we realize what is going on, trying to grab Elena before she can make a step forward, but it is too late. She has already tried to step into the elevator and the last thing I see of her is her shocked expression when she steps into nothing because although the doors have opened the car isn't there and we hear her piercing scream when she falls down the elevator shaft until there is a sickening thud.

For the first time in my life I can't even move and Ana is clinging to my side as Taylor uses a flashlight to look down the elevator shaft.

"Mrs. Lincoln is dead, Sir"

* * *

_**Ding dong the witch is dead :-) So, I know something like that wouldn't happen in modern buildings like Escala... or at least I hope something like that can't happen in a modern building, but I really wanted to get rid of Elena quickly. I only tend to keep her in stories when I need her to cause more drama, but there is enough drama already in this story, so why not kill her right after she has reared her ugly head the first time? **_

_**Oh and I would love to hear your opinion on the whole who is going to move situations. I leaning toward Christian, but then there is the problem that Taylor can't move because of Sophie and then Gail would stay with Taylor in Seattle. So, I might have to kill Sophie's mom off to make that work... and if I make Ana move back to Seattle I can't picture her being happy because she has to leave her family/friends and Safe Haven behind... so let me know what you would prefer...**_


	22. Chapter 21

_**Hi, thank you all so much for all the feedback on the last chapter, 55% want Christian to move and 45% want Ana to go back to Seattle, I'm still a little torn, but there are about 3 to 4 chapters left until I have to make the final decision... **_

_**I also wanted to recommend two stories to all of you, the first one is Extraordinary by 1974alner and the other one is Bumping into Love by Charlottelovesshadesofgrey, if you are looking for a good read give it a try... oh and another one that is high on my favorite list at the moment is Software Complications by AngieV009 if you haven't already read it, give it a try, you won't regret it ;-)**_

_**Ana**_

I feel sick. Yes, Elena Lincoln was a sick child molester and to me she deserves to burn in hell, but falling down an elevator shaft is a gruesome way to die. The police was already here and they are now talking to the building manager. Christian hasn't moved an inch since he sat down on the couch. He looks like he is going to be sick any minute, too.

"Christian, do you want me to call your mom, I know Elena was her friend, so she should not find out in the news." I say and he looks up at me his expression blank.

"Yes, I guess... maybe I should... fuck what am I going to say to her? I probably make it worse... shit and she will cry... I hate it when my mother cries..."

"Christian, it's okay, I'll call her. Do you want me to make you a tea first?"

"No, I'll get myself a water. I feel like I am about to throw up" he murmurs and I take my phone out and scroll through my contacts until I find Grace's number.

"Anastasia, how nice to hear from you, how are you doing dear?"

"Hi Grace, I'm fine... actually I'm in Seattle, visiting Christian."

"Really, oh I know I shouldn't get my hopes up to high, but I do hope that one day you two can be happy together."

"Yes, me too. Grace umm... is Carrick around?"

"Yes, he is sitting right next to me, why?"

"Maybe put the phone on speaker, there is something I have to tell you and I don't want you to be alone while hearing this."

"Now you are scaring me, Ana. Is Christian alright?"

"Yes... actually he is pretty shaken up, right now. Something happened about an hour ago. Look Elena, she came to visit and when she wanted to leave... she said goodbye to us and the doors of the elevator opened... she wasn't looking and the car wasn't there... she fell down the elevator shaft and... Grace I am so sorry, but she is dead."

For a moment there is silence on the other end of the line and then I hear Grace sob.

"Dead... but how can something like this happen?"

"Something wasn't right with the elevator, Christian had Taylor inform the front desk. The technician that came to check the elevator put it out of commission, but for some reason the doors still opened. The police believes it was a technical failure, but there will be further investigations."

"And she is really dead?" Grace sobs.

"Yes... I don't know if this is any help for you, but the police told us that she most likely passed out before the impact. She didn't suffer" I am not going to tell her that Elena was nearly decapitated by the impact, she doesn't need to have this picture in her head for the rest of her life.

"Is Christian there with you?"

"Yes, I'll get him." I walk over to the breakfast bar where Christian is sitting on a bar stool holding his head in his hands.

"Christian?" I ask and touch his shoulder. He looks up at me. "Your mom wants to talk to you."

He looks panicked. "I... I what can I tell her to make this easier for her?"

"Nothing, just listen to her, tell her that you are sorry for her loss, maybe offer her to come over tomorrow." I hand him my phone and take his free hand in mine while he talks to his mother.

When he hangs up he looks stressed and upset. "Fuck, even in death that bitch makes everyone miserable" he mutters and then looks at me.

"I am worried about my mom and I know it's rather late, but would you mind going to Bellevue with me. We can stay there over night." he asks and for some reason he looks almost scared.

"Sure, I'll just get my bag."

"You are not leaving, I mean after what Elena said about me... that I am a... sadist?"

I sigh and look at him. "Christian first of all even the term sadist is outdated. Second, yes you can be a major ass if you want to, sometimes even cruel, but you are not a sadist."

"How can you say that?"

"Look, I know that there is a lot in your past that I don't know and yes, you have participated in a lifestyle that has aspects of sexual sadism, but that is very different. You like rules and being in control and that a alone shows that you are not a sadist. People like that are controlled by there urges, they don't have contracts and limits to assure the safety of their partners. They have victims and they don't stop until they have found their gratification by inflicting pain on their victims. You contracted women who knew exactly what they would get out of this kind relationship with you, they enjoyed it and they had safe words which I know you would have respected.

As for you choosing women who look similar to your birth mother... yes, maybe you did that and if you did I believe it wasn't because you wanted to fuck someone who looked like your birth mother, but more because you wanted to punish her. Punish her for neglecting you and not protecting you, and that I can understand. But maybe when you have some time to think, just sit down and think about if it was really you who started to see yourself as a sadist or if it was Elena who brought that up."

He looks at me as if he can't comprehend what I just said, but after a moment he speaks. "I thought you leave once you knew. Flynn said I should come clean, but I was sure you would be out of the door before I had the chance to say anything else."

"You should have a little more faith in me, yes, this is not something I was expecting, but I feel like you always tend to think the worst of yourself. And that is sad, because you are very easy to love, Christian. But maybe we should talk about this tomorrow. Your mother needs you ... and I believe what she really needs right now and what would help her is for you to just hold her in your arms."

Hearing this his eyes widen and I can see fear in them. "You don't have to, but just think about it. You once told me that Grace saved your life, she loves you unconditionally and would never hurt you. Just keep that in mind" I get up and leave to get my bag from the guestroom.

Since all elevators in the building are out of commission until they get a thorough check in the morning and the police is done gathering evidence, we have to take the emergency staircase to get into the garage and Taylor drives us to Bellevue.

By the time we arrive at his parent's house it is after 9 in the evening, but Carrick opens the door after a couple of seconds and looks relieved to see us.

"Christian, thank God, your mother is a mess and she is refusing to rest. She is in the TV room watching news reports on Elena's death. Have you heard them, some gossip sites already speculate that you had an affair with Elena."

"Fuck, I'll have an statement released tomorrow, the police asked us not to talk to the media until they release a statement tomorrow afternoon."

"I see, well let PR handle those bastards. Come in, I need to check on your mother." we follow him into the TV room where we find Grace sitting on the sofa sobbing into a handkerchief.

"Mom?"

Grace looks up when she hears Christian's voice and gets up from the sofa.

"I am such a terrible person" she sobs shocking us all.

"Mom, why would you even say that, you know that is not true."

"While watching the news, I thought... what if it wouldn't have been Elena. It could have been you, darling. And then I felt relieved that it wasn't you... how can I feel relieved when my best friend is dead?" she sobs and suddenly Christian steps closer to her and pulls her in his arms. If possible Grace sobs even harder and he just holds her rubbing her back and murmuring comforting words to her.

I look at Carrick and he has tears in eyes watching his son hold Grace.

"Young lady, I have no idea how you are doing it, but please don't stop. I know my son has behaved so poorly towards you, but he needs you." Carrick says to me and I smile shyly at him.

"All he needs is a push in the right direction... he wants to be happy, he just wasn't able to find the right way before."

A little later I have offered to make some tea, and we all sit in the kitchen.

"Why was Elena at Escala, Christian?"

"She wanted to talk about the salons" he says and I can see in his eyes that he hates it to lie, but what good would the truth do, especially now. Maybe in this case it is the best when the truth gets buried with Elena.

"She didn't have any family, Carrick we need to take care of her funeral. To whom do we have to talk?"

"I'll take care of it tomorrow, my love. You need rest now, do you think you can sleep?"

"Yes, I just need to get the guest room ready for, Ana. Christian you'll stay in your old bedroom, right?"

"Yes, mom."

"Umm... actually, if it is okay for both of you, I would like to share a room with Christian." I say to Grace and Carrick.

"Oh... well, I guess you are old enough to share a room. Of course this is alright." Grace says and I can see that Christian is biting the insides of his cheeks to stop himself from smiling.

Once we are in his childhood bedroom he looks at me. "Why do you want to sleep here with me tonight?" he asks and I shrug.

"You told me once that you have nightmares, but when we shared a bed that didn't seem to be a problem... and I thought after a day like today you could use a good nights sleep."

"That sounds like a very good plan to me. And I might even get the chance to listen to you talk in your sleep again or have you stopped doing that?" he asks amused.

"No, according to Ireland I am still talking in my sleep" Wisely I don't mention that Arnaldo too has heard me talk in my sleep on several occasions.

"Why, does your cousin know that you talk in your sleep?" he asks and he start to undress and I turn to get my pajama from my duffel bag.

"She is the only person I know who hates thunder storms more than I do, so when there is one at night we usually end up sharing a bed. She thinks it is hilarious to listen to me talk in my sleep."

"I think it's a rather charming habit, and of course it gives me a good inside to what is going on in that pretty head of yours."

"Maybe, it's better than snoring I guess." I mutter and start to change into my pj's knowing full well that Christian is watching me. When I look up he is smiling at me.

"What?"

"I like you in satin, it's much nicer than the old sweatpants you preferred before." he says.

"Well, back then I was a college student with a part time job and no interest in fashion whatsoever. Now, I can afford nicer things, though to be honest I still wouldn't buy a pair of shoes or a dress for 5k that is just ridiculous. Just like this stupid dress rule."

"Which dress rule?"

"That you can't wear the same dress for events twice. That's just crazy and I only buy expensive evening gowns because I sell them online after I wore them to an event and donate the money to a good cause. It's much easier for men, no one would say something like..._'oh my god, have you seen this, he is wearing the same tux as last week' _"

"I suppose that is right, though I wouldn't give a fuck if someone would say that about me" he says and we both go to brush our teeth before we get into bed together.

He pulls me close to him and feel so safe in his arms, that I feel my eyes getting heavy within seconds.

"Thank you, Ana" I hear Christian whisper and turn a little to look at him.

"For what?"

"Because you stayed, when I was sure that you would leave once you knew all there is to know about me."

"No more running... I promise" I whisper and kiss him softly before I can no longer hold my eyes open.

_**Two weeks later**_

I can't help it, my thoughts go back to Christian the entire time. It's been two weeks since I have last seen him. Both our schedule didn't allow us to see each other. We still Skyped every evening and exchanged emails and texts through out the day, but it is just not the same. Especially with the whole Elena drama. He hated to go to her funeral, but he couldn't come up with an good excuse and I hated that I couldn't be there to go with him.

The Sunday after she died Christian and I stayed in his childhood bedroom for hours just talking. I am convinced that it was that old bitch who made him believe he is a sadist, that and his self-loathing. Yes, he engaged in the BDSM lifestyle and used to dish out some rather harsh punishments, which by his own admission he enjoyed, but he could also walk away from the lifestyle.

He told me that he dismantled the playroom, because he hated that he ruined us in there. That even being in there made him sick to his stomach and that he could never hurt me like that again. That is not what true sadist would have done or said. I just wish I could make him see this too. But he agreed to see Dr. Flynn at least twice a week from now on. He needs this and if we want to have a second chance as a couple at some point then this is what we both need.

While I listen to the speech that is given at the gala I am attending right now I discretely check my phone if I have a new message from Christian and frown when there is no new message.

I haven't heard from him all day, I tried to call him a couple of times, but my calls went straight to voicemail. I just hope he is alright, but I have no time to call Mia or Gideon who are both in Seattle right now to make sure all is alright, because I have to give a speech next. I am still not very comfortable with speaking in front of an audience, but if I can raise awareness and money for the Crossroads Foundation and Safe Haven by doing so, then it is worth it.

Finally, at 10 I decide that I can leave now without being rude. Those galas and functions are just not my world. So, I am glad when I am in the back of the town car and Carlos is driving me back home. I take my phone out again and see that I have six missed calls from Gideon. Suddenly, I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and try to ignore it while I call him back.

"Fuck, finally. Have you seen Grey?" he asks me with no preamble whatsoever.

"What? I don't understand, Gideon. Why would I have seen Christian, he is supposed to be in Seattle... oh my gosh, is that Mia crying in the background? What is going on?"

"It's Mia, her mother and Kate. Fuck Ana, you won't believe what happened."

"Tell me, what happened and where is Christian?"

"We were all here for brunch when the boss of the company Grace had hired to clear Elena's house stopped by. Fuck, Ana that old hag was into kids and while they took everything out of her house they not only found a dungeon, but also many boxes with pictures and videos showing her fucking teenage boys..."

"Christian" I gasp.

"Wait you knew?"

"I... I knew he was seduced by a family friend when he was fifteen and that the woman was into BDSM."

"Well shit, Ana. And you did nothing?"

"Gideon, now is not the time... what happened, where is Christian?"

"The guy from the company wanted nothing to do with that shit. Carrick and Grace looked through the boxes and there where tons of pictures of Christian. Fucked up shit, no teenager should have been exposed too nor should parents ever see their child like that. And he shut down, just sat there and said nothing until Carrick lost it and started to yell at him. Christian stormed out of the house as if the place was on fire and since then we have no idea where he is. Taylor tried to track him down and found his car and phone outside a bar. He wasn't in there and we have no way to track him down now, we thought since it's been almost 8 hours since we found the car that he might took the next flight to New York."

"I'm taking the next flight to Seattle... drive faster Carlos" I say in a rush. Fuck, his family knows; the one thing Christian wanted to avoid at all cost. What if he decided to get drunk...or worse. No. No, I must not think like that.

"I'll have a jet ready for you within an hour." Gideon says, but as Carlos pulls up outside my building I see him. Christian is standing outside the building in the pouring rain, soaked to the skin.

"He is here, I call you back." I mutter end the call and jump out of the car. When I reach him he looks completely lost.

"Christian?" I ask and he just pulls me in his arms.

"They know... about Elena... they hate me" he murmurs and I look up at him.

"Come, let's get you inside first. You need to get out of these wet clothes or you'll get sick, then we can talk." I take his hand and usher him into the building.

In my apartment I lead him straight into the bathroom and start to run a bath for him.

"They know, Ana" he murmurs again.

"I know, Gideon called me. Everyone is looking for you, Christian. Your family is worried sick, because they couldn't find you." I say and start to unbutton his shirt.

"Why would they worry, they know! They know what I did with Elena, soon they know what a monster I am."

"You are not a monster, Christian. You had consensual sexual relationships with women who liked the same things you did. There is nothing wrong with that and it is not about what you did with Elena, it is about what Elena did to you. What she did to other teenage boys... she was a disgusting, vile person and I hate to say it, but I am glad that she is dead so she can't take advantage of any more teenage boys ever again."

When he is undressed and in the tub I realize that I have nothing for him to wear at my apartment and he is not saying anything. It's like he is so lost in his thoughts he is barely recognizing me.

"Christian, look at me, please. I'll go up to Gideon's penthouse for a moment and get something for you to wear. I'll be back in 5 minutes"

When he nods I get up, get the spare key for Gideon's penthouse and quickly grab some sweatpants, a t-shirt and a pair of socks before heading back to my apartment. I hear my phone ring when I get in, but ignore it. I need to take care of Christian first.

Back in the bathroom I put the clean clothes on the small bench by the tub and put some towels out for Christian.

"Have you eaten anything today?" I ask him and he looks at me.

"I went to a bar, I don't even know why. It came so fucking natural to me to just try and drink myself into oblivion. I sat there ordered a whisky and just stared at it. I didn't even touch the tumbler, but I wanted to and then I thought about you and I couldn't."

"I'm glad you decided to come here instead. Now, did you eat today?"

"No"

"I'll fix you something to eat." I leave the bathroom to give him some privacy and quickly change into some yoga pants and a t-shirt before I go into the kitchen and decide to make mac and cheese for him. Comfort food.

"Mac and cheese?" he asks smiling when he walks into the kitchen a while later.

"Yes, it's my favorite comfort food. Oh, and I called Carlos, he'll get you a change of clothes first thing tomorrow morning."

"I'll give you the money." he says and sits down on one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar.

"I can afford it" I mutter and he shakes his head.

"Ana, don't unman me completely today." he asks.

"Okay, you can pay me back. Now, iced tea, water or something else?"

"Water is fine. Ana I'm sorry, I shouldn't have showed up here without calling you first. I know you are busy, I can go to my apartment if you want me to."

"I like having you here and I am glad that you came here. I might have a busy schedule these days, but my family and friends always come first for me. And that is why I will take two days off and we will fly back to Seattle tomorrow morning."

"I am sure my family is glad that I am out of town." he mutters and I have to stop myself so I won't roll my eyes at him.

"That is just not true. When Gideon called me I heard your mother, Mia and even Kate crying in the background. They are worried sick, Christian. Your family loves you."

"Why would they, Ana? I have fucked up so often and now this. Fuck, I wouldn't want to have to deal with someone like me."

"It doesn't matter if you fuck up or not, and I wouldn't say that what happened today is a fuck up on your part. Believe me, if you have kids one day, you are not going to give up them, either. And just try to put yourself in the position of your parents. They just found out that their son was abused by a family friend, someone they invited into their home. It's natural to be upset, angry even, but they are not angry with you."

"When I saw those pictures, of the other boys... I finally knew without a doubt that you were right all along, Elena was a pedophile, I just didn't want to see it before. I couldn't deal with anyone in that moment and then my Dad lost it and I just needed to get out. I couldn't deal with them... didn't know what to say... and most of all I didn't want to hear that I finally managed to fuck up so badly that they didn't want me in their life anymore."

I feel so bad for him... actually for his entire family. He doesn't know how to deal with his emotions and neither of them will ever get the chance to confront Elena and make her pay for what happened.

"Believe me, they are not going to cut you off. Since I told Gideon that you are here they have been calling me non-stop. There see?" I say when my phone vibrates again and this time I take the call and put Gideon on speaker.

"Hi Gideon, sorry but I couldn't answer your calls earlier."

"Is he alright... Christ, I have a room full of sobbing women and you know I can't deal with crying women." he mutters.

"He is fine, all things considered. Can you hand your phone to Grace?"

"Sure"

"Here, talk to your mother, trust me." I turn the speaker off and hold my phone out to him. He hesitates for a second, but takes it and I busy myself in the kitchen, so he can speak to his mother. Just when I have put the food onto plates he is finished and looks confused.

"She says she wants me to come home, that it's not my fault."

"See and that's why we are flying to Seattle first thing tomorrow morning. Gideon has one of his jets on standby for me. You need to talk to them and maybe at some point you should consider to have a couple of therapy sessions with your family. They are probably going to blame themselves for what happened to you, so this will be a good thing for all of you."

"Maybe... I... this is too much for one evening, can we drop this topic until tomorrow?"

"Sure, let's eat and then we can go to bed. Do you want the guestroom or sleep with me in my room?"

"Is that a serious question?" he asks amused and I giggle. "I had to ask, but fine from now on I won't offer you the guest room again. Oh, and there is one more thing." I get up and open one of the kitchen drawers where I keep a set of spare keys for my apartment.

"Here, for you." I hand him the keys and he frowns.

"Keys?"

"Those are the keys for this apartment. The next time you decided to come here to see me and neither Ireland or I are at home, you can just come up and wait here for me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, you know I trust you, so whenever you feel like coming to New York to visit me, just come here."

"Thank you, this means a lot to me" he says and we smile at each other. I am so tempted to kiss him, but I know it would be wrong. Because I know right now this would end with us having sex and this time I am not sure if I would be able to convince myself that it just happened out of the moment and I am not ready to forgive him completely just now. So, instead we eat in silence and go to bed where he holds me in his arms until we fall asleep...

_**Gah! I was so tempted, to write a lemon at the end, but I don't want Ana to forgive and forget too soon... so I guess the lemons have to wait for a couple more chapters :-(**_


	23. Chapter 22

_**Remember in my last A/N when I said that it would be some more chapters before I had to make the final decision about the whole move thing? That's no longer the case as this chapter nearly wrote itself and ended with that very same decision. So, let's find out if it is Seattle or New York, shall we? ;-)**_

"Checkmate!" Christian exclaims with a smirk and I pout. We are en route to Seattle and I just lost the second round of chess.

"Do you want to lose again?" he asks me and his arrogance makes me laugh.

"Who says I wasn't just trying to be nice and let you win, Mr. Grey?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

"Ana, not even if I wanted to let someone win would I ever play as bad as you." he says matter of factly and I cross my arms in front of my chest.

"Careful, Grey or I might decide to hand you a parachute and kick you out of this jet" I say trying to keep a straight face, but it's hard when I see his amused expression.

"Does that mean you are a sore loser, Miss Steele?" he chuckles.

"Maybe, but you are no gentleman, Christian Grey. My father used to let me win all the time and even Gideon does from time to time."

"Where is the fun in that?" he asks puzzled.

"I don't know, did you never let Mia win when you played board games or cards with her?"

"No, what kind of message does that send? Besides, playing games with Mia was never fun, either she cheated or she had temper tantrums each time she lost. Ask Elliot, the scar on his eyebrow is the result of Mia throwing a fit when she lost Clue for the fifth time in a row and started to throw things at us."

"Maybe she wouldn't have thrown a fit if you had let her win at least once every so often" I giggle and he shrugs. I guess for him it really is all about winning. Looks like I have to talk about that with him again once we have kids... _shit, where did that come from?_

"Let's play cards instead" I say to distract myself, from all thoughts of having kids with Christian.

"Fine what kind of card game?"

"You'll see" I stroll over to the bar where I know Gideon keeps various decks of cards. I pick one and smile at Christian.

"How about a round of 52 pickup... your turn" I say, send the cards flying all over the cabin and start to laugh when I see Christian's appalled expression.

"That was a childish thing to do, Anastasia" he mutters, but dutifully gets up and starts to collect all the cards, before we sit down and start to play shithead.

Of course, I am losing too, but actually I don't care. I'm just trying to take his mind of the conversation with his family he is going to have once we are back in Seattle. Taylor will collect us from the airport and drive us to Bellevue. I know he is anxious about the conversation, because he wants to come clean, not just about Elena, but also about his time as a Dom.

I know it is the right thing to do, but I can't even imagine what is going through his mind right now. He looked so troubled in his sleep last night. We went to bed early and while he fell asleep soon I was up all night and just watched him. I just feel what I am doing is not fair. Yes, I want to take things slow, but to be honest, I feel bad for him in doing so.

He has punished himself enough and has been through so much shit lately, that I almost feel cruel for not being able to make up my mind. I always thought if I was ever going to forgive him I needed some kind of grand gesture from him, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like this is wrong. Yes, it was his choice not to talk to me, to start his little vendetta and drink himself into oblivion, but now he is really trying.

Christ, Kate told me he is thinking about moving his offices to New York... and he doesn't even know for sure that we will end up together... so what else do I need? And deep down I know why I am still hesitating... I am just not sure if I want to give up my life in New York and go back to Seattle. Yes, Kate is there and I am sure I can make new friends, get involved with charities on the west coast, and if I miss my friends and family and New York I can visit them... but it's a big step.

"Hey, Miss Shithead, another round?" Christian snickers and I throw one of the nuts from the small bowl on the coffee table at him. He leaps forward catches it with his mouth and gives me an adorable youthful grin.

"Why thank you, Miss Steele, I was indeed a bit hungry" he teases and I shake my head amused. Carefree Christian is so much fun to hang out with, I wish it could be like this all the time, but I know once we have landed his good mood will vanish.

4 hours later Taylor pulls up at Christian's parent's house and I feel bad for Christian. He is so tense and pale, I almost expect him to double over and throw up.

"It's going to be alright, Christian. Your family loves you."

"Ana... how much more shit can they possibly take?" he asks sadly and thank God for Mia, because she comes running out of the house and jumps right into Christian's arms.

"Don't you ever do that to us again. We were so worried, when Taylor found your car... I thought... I..." she sobs and Christian just holds her in his arms. I have no idea what he is whispering to her, but it must have shocked her, because she stares wide eyed at him.

"You've never said it before" she whisper.

"I know and I should have. I am sorry Mia, I didn't mean to scare you."

"You're forgiven, but don't do it again." she sniffs and I follow them into the house until we reach the family room, where his parents, Elliot and Kate and Gideon are waiting for him.

Mia skips over to Gideon and I look at Christian and get onto tiptoes. "Just talk to them, they love you, they'll understand." I whisper in his ear. He looks down at me and smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Ana, thank you for convincing Christian to come home. I don't want to sound rude, but would you mind to wait in the kitchen with Gideon and Kate, while we talk to Christian." Carrick asks me while he shakes my hand.

"No, of course not." Gideon walks over to me, but Kate looks a bit pissed. I get it though. Yes, she is a Grey now, but this is a very painful topic for Christian and his family, so I am sure he will appreciate it, if less people are listening. I look at Christian one last time and leave the room with them.

"Carrick is such an ass, I swear father in law or not, if he yells at Christian again, I will storm in there and knock him to his ass" Kate mutters under her breath as we reach the kitchen and she plops down on one of the chairs by the wooden table. _Since when is she all protective of Christian?_

"Is everything alright, Kate" I ask and sit down next to her, while Gideon excuses himself to make some phone calls.

"No, I... shit Ana" she mutters and starts to cry, which is so not like her.

"Kate, please what is wrong?"

"I feel terrible, Ana. Yes, Christian is an ass and I would still like to kick his ass for the way he treated you, but I feel so bad for him. You haven't seen those pictures, it was terrible. I've never seen anything like it in my life. That evil bitch, she tortured the hell out of him and he was just a kid. No wonder he is so messed up, I mean how can anyone go through shit like that and not end up completely fucked up. And Carrick... hell sometimes he is such an self-righteous ass. Christian just sat there and stared at the picture, everyone could tell that he just realized what she had done to him, he was devastated and Carrick just started to yell at him. I mean who does that, find out that the own child was abused for 6 fucking years and start to blame the victim. Grace is so pissed at him, she has kicked him out, he slept in the boathouse last night. Serves him right." Kate explains and I don't know what to say. I knew what Elena did to Christian must have been bad, but seeing Kate's reaction it must have been beyond anything I can even imagine.

"I don't want to defend Carrick, but maybe he felt just helpless" I offer and Kate glares at me.

"Helpless is right, helpless must have been how Christian must have felt when that disgusting, pedo bitch caned him until his back, ass and thighs where black and blue. and if you think that is bad, let me tell you, that's one of the more harmless pictures I have seen. Poor Grace, can you imagine how she must feel, she invited that vile person in her home, into her social circle and in return that bitch abused her son. Urgh, I feel dirty just thinking about sitting at her funeral service and feeling bad for that cunt. I hope she burns in hell and even that is too good for her." Kate fumes.

"Kate, please try to calm down, you are pregnant..."

"Exactly Ana, I am pregnant. I mean there is this precious little life growing inside of me and I ... shit Ana I am scared out of my mind. You know, you always think something like that doesn't happen in the own family, until one day it does and I would kill anyone who would try to bring harm to my child. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that someone would ever do that to my child."

"I know you would, but I need you to take a deep breath and relax. Do you want me to make tea for you?" I hold her hands in mine and watch her take some deep breaths.

"Yes, I could use a tea. Well, actually a vodka, but I can't... so tea will have to do." she says and I get up to make some tea for us. To be honest, I can't understand what has gotten into Carrick either, he should have known that yelling at Christian was the worst thing to do. I just hope he can be more understanding and supporting now.

After a while Kate has calmed down and Gideon is back in the kitchen with us. So far with haven't heard any yelling, so I hope that is a good sign, until after forty-five minutes Carrick comes into the kitchen.

"Are you one of them, Anastasia?" he asks me and I frown.

"One of whom?"

"One of those perverted people my son engaged with?" he asks and Gideon gets up.

"It's okay, Gideon." I reassure him and get up. "No, I am not, Carrick. When I first met Christian he told me what kind of lifestyle he had chosen for himself. I was scared and intrigued at the same time and because I wanted to be with Christian so bad, I agreed to try to become his submissive. Of course, he had to make some adjustments, too. I had never been with a man before and in the end it didn't work out for us. That is why I left him. I wasn't made for the lifestyle."

"You... you considered it... this disgusting..."

"Please, Carrick. BDSM is not all that bad, at least not in the extend that Christian used to practice it. What Elena Lincoln did to your son was abuse, she might have told him that she was introducing him to BDSM, but that is just not true. I don't know what you have seen while looking at those pictures, but I can assure you it is not what Christian did to the women he was with."

Behind me I see Kate and Gideon quietly leaving the kitchen and Carrick sits down at the table.

"So, he didn't torture them?"

"No, there are limits, hard and soft limits, things one won't and will do. Also, there are safe words, if the submissive uses those the Dominant stops what ever he is doing. Everything that happens is consensual."

"I just don't understand this... where have my wife and I failed him?" he murmurs and runs his hands through his hair.

"You never failed your son, Carrick. Elena manipulated him and he only now realizes it, that is why it was so important to Christian to come clean with his family. She made him believe that he is not worthy of the love of his family. She did that to make sure she was the only person Christian would turn to. Pedophiles, they are smart people, they have to be or otherwise they wouldn't find ways to abuse children without getting caught. She saw him as easy prey, she knew about his issues and that is how she got him to trust her. It's no one's fault but hers. I don't know if this helps you, but I believe that where ever she is now, she is being punished for what she did to those children."

"Did you know about him and Elena?" he asks and I sigh.

"When we met he told me that he was seduced by an older women, the same woman who introduced him to the lifestyle. We had some pretty heated arguments about it. To me it was clear that the woman was a pedophile, but he still saw her as a friend who helped him back then. He was shutting down the moment I called her a pedophile and shortly after I left him."

"He is good at that... shutting everyone out, this time it's my fault. I just lost it with him... what kind of a person am I? To yell at my son after finding out that he was abused for years?" He murmur sadly and hangs his head in shame.

"Carrick, there is no right or wrong after finding out about something like that. And I guess that knowing you can't confront Elena or get her behind bars for what she has done is making everything so much more worse. But Christian loves you, he didn't run because you lost it, he just needed to get out. He never allowed himself to realize what Elena did to him. You all need time, maybe even start a family therapy. What happened to Christian affects all of you, so you need to heal as a family. It's nothing that happens over night."

He looks up at me and gives me a smile. "Christian was right, you make people see the light again. You are one special young woman, Anastasia Steele. Thank you, and not just for listening to me, but for being there for Christian. Lord knows he can be difficult, but you are so good for him, what ever you are doing... don't stop." he says and to my surprise he leans over and kisses my forehead before leaving the kitchen.

Kate, Gideon and I went out for lunch, because we didn't want to interrupt the Grey's. We returned to the house a while later, but they were still in the family room and it wasn't until dinner time that Grace and Christian came into the kitchen, to tell us that they decided to order pizza for dinner.

So, now we are all in the kitchen eating pizza and to my great relief everyone seems to be in a relax mood.

"I want to stay here tonight, would you mind staying in my old bedroom with me?" Christian asks me, while Mia gets the ice cream from the freezer for dessert.

"No, it's fine, but I can check into a hotel if you need more time with your family."

"No, please don't leave. I know you have to go back to New York tomorrow evening and I want to spend some time with you... even if it is only by holding you while I am sleeping."

"Well, then I guess I have the great honor of being the first girl to ever sleep in your childhood bedroom" I say with a smile and he smiles back.

"That you are... well besides Mia when she was little and was convinced that a monster lived under her bed." he says with a wink and I giggle.

Later that night it is like the night before, he falls asleep rather quickly, while I am awake just looking at him. At least now he doesn't look troubled in his sleep, but I still don't know what to do. My heart tells me to stay and my head is telling me to really think this through. I know, if I decide to move my friends would be happy for me. Gideon and Ireland would be sad, but they would understand my reasons and the team I have built over the last couple of years is more than capable of continuing our work without me and I could easily start the process of building a Safe Haven here.

So, why am I still hesitating? Maybe it's because I am afraid to get hurt again. Maybe it's because I would feel like letting the kids at Safe Haven down. Especially Sam, I love that little boy so much... though I could just fly down and visit him twice a month. I don't know, I need to talk to Gideon about this. He has always the best advise.

The next day I haven't seen much of Christian, he talked alone with his parents for a long while. He has to go back to Escala tonight, because he has some important meetings the next day, but even when I told him it was okay, he insisted to drive to the airport with Gideon and I.

Gideon needs to go back to New York, too. Mia will stay some time here, her family needs her now and while he isn't happy about it, he understands it. To give Christian and me some privacy he walks towards the jet, while I stay behind with Christian.

"Call me once you arrived safely in New York." he says and pulls me into his arms.

"Thank you, Ana." he murmurs into my hair and kisses the top of my head. I just hold on to him. _Shit, why is it so hard to leave?_

He loosens his grip on me a little and cups my face in his hands. "Stay" he whispers and I know he is not talking about one more day, but staying here in Seattle with him for good.

"I can't... it's too soon. I'll call you once I'm back in New York. Bye" I get onto tiptoes and kiss him softly.

"Bye" he whispers against my lips and just looking at him, breaks my heart so I turn around and hurry over to the jet. I want to turn around and wave, but I can't, I'm already crying and I don't want him to see me like this. Instead I get into the jet and flop down into my seat, sobbing into my hands as I do.

"What the hell happened, Ana?" Gideon asks immediately and I try to compose myself.

"It's just I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I feel terrible for leaving him, because I know he needs me and I want to be with him, Gideon. But at the same time I can't just drop everything in New York and stay."

"Why?" is all he asks and I stare at him my tears forgotten.

"Look Ana, I am not saying that I am Grey's biggest fan, but that guy adores you. I'm not sure if I would give him a second chance, but this is your choice to make. What I know is that ever since you've visited him the last time you've been miserable in New York and I bet he wasn't any better. At one point one of you has to make the decision to move. And as much as I hate so say it, but this one is you Ana. If Grey moves his business to New York, he will be one of many, many sharks in fucking tiny pond. It is going to cost him big time, worst case he loses a big chunk of his company, because the competition is fucking stiff in his chosen field."

He gets up and pours himself a whisky at the bar. "Look, I am not saying that your work is any less important, because that is just not the truth, but you've brought the Crossroads Foundation to a whole new level, it would be hard for them to lose you, but I have no doubt that they'll manage. And of course, we live in a pretty fucked up world and sadly there are many, many children in Seattle who could use your help, just like they do in New York. And if this is about Ireland, me or your friends, don't worry, we want you happy Ana. If it is Grey who makes you happy, then don't leave. Work things out with him, be happy and keep supporting charities here on the west coast. And when ever you miss New York or want to visit Safe Haven you can be sure that there is a jet ready and waiting to fly you down as often as you like."

I stare at him for a moment and bury my face in my hands. _Oh what to do?_

"Ana it's simple, what do you want? Stay with Grey or fly home now, knowing that it will be weeks before you'll see him again?"

I take a deep breath and in this moment I have made my decision. I walk over to Gideon and hug him hard.

"I guess that means you are staying?" he asks and I nod.

"I'm sorry, but I miss him already and ... it just feels like my place here."

"Hey, no apologies, you love Grey, and as long as you are happy, everyone else is too. And now get your ass over to Grey before he leaves. But don't think that you don't have to come back to New York for a goodbye party."

"I know, and there is so much I have do before I can finalize my move. Believe me, New York has not seen the last of me." I giggle through my tears we hug again, before I leave the jet.

Christian is standing by the SUV and walks towards me when I come down the stairs.

When I reach him I jump into his arms and kiss him. "Ana... I ... what are you doing?"

"You asked me to stay... so I am staying." I tell him through my tears and his eyes widen.

"You are staying... but..., really?" he asks as he slowly comprehends what this means.

"Yes, I love you, Christian Grey. My home is where you are"...

_**Sorry to all of you who wanted Christian to move. For most parts of the story I wanted it to be him to move, but I just felt that in the end Ana moving back was what needed to be done. And for those of you who think that Ana forgave him to quickly... Christian is still going to do some things that will make Ana love him even more, so it doesn't mean that he won't still try to prove himself worthy of her...**_


	24. Chapter 23

_**Ana**_

"Do you think we will ever leave your bed again?" I ask breathless when Christian rolls of me and pulls me in his arms. It's been two days and the only times we left his bed since then was to take a shower or him hurrying into the kitchen only to return within three minutes with a tray full of food, which we would devour in record time only to go at it again.

"Are you complaining?" he chuckles and I shake my head. "Me? Never! Though to be honest I am sore and at some point we need to leave your bedroom... you know I need to go back to New York to finalize my move and your family probably worries about you... not to mention that you have an empire to run." I remind him and he goes from blissfully happy to serious.

"About your move, Ana. Are you sure about this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Please Ana, you know what I mean. You've built yourself a life in New York; I saw how happy you are, maybe even happier than you have been here. You have friends, family, a job; you love the kids at Safe Haven. I just don't want you to resent me at some point for moving back to Seattle where you have to start all over again."

"Christian look, I won't deny that I love living in New York, I love my friends, I found a family there and working for the Crossroads Foundation and building Safe Haven is so much more than a job to me, but at the end of the day I also want to be in a happy relationship. I love you and you are here, so I had to make a decision and it is not like I won't ever see my friends or family again, I can always fly down and see them and I will still try to visit Safe Haven at least once a month."

"You know, I was thinking about moving the head quarters of GEH to New York." He says and I roll my eyes at him.

"Christian, do you honestly think that right now is the best time to move to a different coast? You have so much to work through with your family and moving the head quarters of GEH? You would probably work day and night for months to make that work and we wouldn't have the time to see each other even though you would live in the same city."

"We could spend the each summer in New York," he says and I frown.

"How would that work?"

"Well, I already have offices in New York, I could arrange my schedule so that say June to August each year I can work from there or at home. We could look for a nice vacation home and spend the summer in New York. This way you can spend time with your family and friends, we could watch Broadway shows, visit Safe Haven together on the weekends and invite your mother to come to New York too, so you can have time with her while we are there. We can make this work, Ana."

"Well, I wouldn't say no, if you can make this work." I murmur, but I know he can tell how excited I am over this.

"Good, and since we are already talking about our living situation and moving... I want to buy a new home for us. That is if you want to move in with me, of course."

"Nice save, Grey" I laugh and he smiles down at me. "I guess me finding my own place is pointless, because I am pretty sure that we will end up sleeping at the same place each night anyway, but I am glad that you are thinking about moving. That bitch dying in this building still gives me the chills and I was really tempted to take the stairs when we came here two days ago."

"So, you wouldn't mind if I would call a real estate agent to find something else for us?"

"No, but if it is possible, how about a place without elevators?" I say and he looks as if he is weighing something up in his mind.

"I was thinking about a house, maybe at the Sound. You want kids, so why not find the perfect family home now and enjoy it to ourselves for a while?"

Seeing the slightly panic looked in his eyes when he said the word kids, I sigh.

"Christian, do you want kids?"

He shifts, sits up and puts me in his lap. "I never thought about having children and to be very honest with you, I don't think that I am exactly daddy material. It scares me to think that one day I might have kids and I will do something to make them hate me or that something is going to happen to them because I couldn't keep them safe. But with that being said, the thought of having children is less scary knowing that you are going to be the mother of my children. Let's face it Miss Steele, you would have my ass if I would dare to be a shitty father," he adds to lighten the mood and I giggle.

"I guess I would, but you still have some time to get used to the idea of having children. I have a feeling our relationship is going to be a lot of work until we have figured it out, so no kids for at least a year or two."

"On that we can agree," he says and starts to nibble my earlobe.

"Again?" I ask amused and when he gives me the most sexy lopsided smirk, I get an idea. Turning in his lap to straddle him, I reach between us and start to stroke his cock.

I lean a bit forward and start whisper into his ear. "Do you have any idea how turned on I am just knowing that you have the constant urge to fuck me senseless? How wet I am right now just thinking about having your big dick inside me? I love feeling you deep inside me; love hearing you growl when I clench my tight, wet pussy around your big cock, almost as much as I love to suck you off..."

I squeal in surprise when Christian flips me onto the mattress and two seconds later, he is balls deep inside me.

"Tell me more!" He orders when he starts to thrust into me with long deep strokes.

I stare up into his blazing gray eyes and lick my lips, biting down on my bottom lip before I start to talk again.

"I love the sound of your heavy balls slapping against me while you are fucking me... oh fuck, that turns me on so much... Oh god... yes, fuck me hard... I love it when you let yourself go like that... but I don't want you to cum inside me... I want you to finish in my mouth... it turns me to have you in my mouth when your dick is dripping in my juices... "

"Fuck... Ana... shit..." he groans when I keep talking dirty to him until I am so close to my orgasm that I can't talk any longer.

Christian suddenly stops and moves us, so that I am on all fours above him and he buries his face in my pussy while I start to suck him off. Mmmmh, he taste yummy and while I am giving him deep throat, he is fucking me with his tongue until we both reach our climax.

A while later we are spooning on his bed and he softly kisses my shoulder.

"I had no idea that you have such a dirty mouth, Miss Steele." He says feigning to be shocked.

"Me neither, Mr. Grey, but it was fun." I giggle.

"You won't ever hear me saying anything else, baby. That's for sure." He murmurs as his hand slides over the curve of my ass.

"You have the most amazing ass, Ana. I can't wait to claim it, too."

"Well, if you have lube here, you can do it now." I answer teasingly, but frown when I feel him tense.

"What's wrong, Christian?" I ask and shift to look at his face.

"Have you done that with _him_?" He hisses and I sigh. _Here goes nothing..._

"Yes." I answer simply and the next second Christian is out of the bed, puts his jeans on and leaves the bedroom. I roll onto my belly and groan into the pillow. Looks like I was right when I told him earlier that our relationship is going to need a lot of work.

Because I don't want him to brood over this, I get up too and quickly put his white dress shirt on, that is still on the chair in the corner of his bedroom. Leaving the bedroom, I see Gail in the kitchen.

"Morning Gail, sorry that I didn't come out earlier to say hi."

"Don't worry, Ana. I am so happy for Mr. Grey and you."

"Thank you, Gail. Do you know where Christian is right now?"

"Yes, he went into his study just a minute ago."

"Thanks" I make my way to his study, knock, but don't wait for a reply and get in. Inside I find him sitting behind his desk with his head in his hands.

"Christian?"

He looks up and I can tell that he is pissed. "Look, I know that you hate the fact that I have been with someone else, but don't walk out on me like that."

"I hate that he touched you, hate that he has been inside you and most of all I hate that it is my fault. If I would have listened to Taylor from the start, you would still be mine, only mine."

"Does that mean you've never been mine to begin with?" I ask and sit on the edge of the desk.

"I'm all yours, Ana. You know that."

"Not according to what you just said, because if I am no longer yours, because I have been with another man, then you are not mine either. You've had 15 subs, the old bitch and who knows how many other women while you trained to become a Dom. And don't even try to make me believe that you didn't at least had some college girls give you head while you were in college, because I would call bullshit if you did."

"I can't help it, Ana, I am insanely jealous when it comes to you." he sighs and I walk around his desk and sit on his lap.

"I know and that is one of the things I love about you. And don't think that I am any better. Every time I came back to Seattle and saw a brunette driving a red Audi A3 I kept thinking she was your latest sub or that she had been your sub at one point and it drove me insane. I hate it how grown women turn into giggle schoolgirls when they see you, but we can't let that come between us."

I take his hand and place it over my heart. "This is yours, Christian Grey. No other man will ever have my heart. When I lived in New York, I met men who went out of their way to date me and none of them ever had a change, because the simple truth is that my heart belongs to you. I can't give something away that belonged to you right from the moment we first met. You don't have to be jealous of Arnaldo, it was just about the sex, it was never about love. Being with you is so very different, with you it is always about making love, even when we are trying to screw each other's brains out, with him it was about fucking. That's why it was so easy for both of us to just stop having sex. If you wouldn't want me anymore it would kill me; I know how it feels to lose you, I don't ever want to feel like that again."

Christian hugs me close to him and buries his face in my neck. "I'm so, so sorry, baby. I've been such an ass and I know I don't deserve you, but I love you so, so very much."

"And I love you. So, are we good, again?" I ask tentatively and he nods.

"Is there anything you would like to do today, baby?" He asks after a while.

"Not sure, it's still early, why don't you call your parents and ask them if they want to come over for lunch. You still have so much to talk about with them and I don't want you to put this off because of me. Your family needs you too, Christian."

"I know, I'll call them. What do you want to do later?" He asks and I stare at my hands.

"Hey, talk to me, baby." He says and gently lifts my chin.

"I... I haven't been to Montesano for a while now. You know, to visit Ray's grave. It... it's kind of hard for me to go there alone and..."

"I'll go with you. We can stay overnight if you like, I know you still own Ray's house and I would like to see where you grew up."

"Really? You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Baby, if you want to go to Montesano and visit your dad's grave then that's what we are going to do. I've only met him once, but could tell right then that he was a great guy and of course he helped to raise you, so I owe him, because he helped you to become the wonderful woman you are today."

"Thank you."

Around one pm Christian and I finally managed to get a shower, get dressed and leave his bedroom just in time for his parents to arrive. Of course, Mia already knew through Gideon that I am still in Seattle, so they were happy to see me, but not surprised.

After lunch, I give them some privacy to talk and go back to the bathroom to call Ireland. I have been avoiding to call her for the last two days, because I know if anyone is going to be really upset with me for moving back to Seattle, it is going to be her. She has become a sister to me and I just hope she can understand my reasons for moving back to Seattle.

I dial her number and she picks up after the third ring. "Hey stranger." She answers and I hear the pout in her voice.

"Hey Ireland, sorry that I didn't call you earlier."

"Why didn't you?"

"Well, Christian and I... didn't really leave the bed."

"Slut" she mutters, but I laugh.

"Yeah, but you know, as long as the guy is hot and the sex is mind blowing I don't mind if anyone thinks I am a slut."

"Don't make me laugh, I am mad at you."

"I know and I am sorry, Ireland. I just couldn't leave Christian, I love him, but that doesn't mean we are not going to see each other as often as possible. You and Gideon are my family; I'm not going to forget about you just because I am moving to Seattle."

"I know, Gideon told me that, too. I'm just going to miss you."

"You can visit me here whenever you like, Ireland. We can go clubbing or shopping or just hang out and have junk food all day."

"I would like that. And... umm... I guess it is good that you are in Seattle right now, because I have to confess something."

"Oh?"

"Remember the brown leather jacket you love so much, the one you bought in Paris?"

"Sure, what about it?"

"Well, I borrowed it yesterday and went to visit my friend Bella and umm... her cat peed on it." She explains in a rush and I roll my eyes. Every time she borrows some of my clothes, she manages to ruin them...

"It's okay, but since we are already talking about my clothes... Christian just ordered an entire new wardrobe for me, because I don't have anything here. So, I thought if you like you can go through my closet and pick what ever you like."

"Really? Oh my God, your shoes too, because I would kill to get your Manolo's."

"If you like them, keep them." And with that she is at least a little more happy and we talk until Christian strolls into his bedroom to tell me that we will leave in about thirty minutes.

Visiting my Dad's grave was hard. There is just so much more I wanted to tell him. And moments I wish he could have shared with me. But having Christian with me made it a lot easier.

"So, this is where you grew up?" Christian asks when Taylor pulls up at my childhood home.

"Yes, let's go inside. I have someone who stops by once a week to make sure everything is fine with the house. I haven't changed anything since... well you know."

We get out of the car and I take his hand before we go inside. I lead him into the living room and open the windows to let some fresh air in.

"Is that you?" He asks and points to one of the pictures over the fireplace. I, of course, blush.

"Yes, I had fallen of my bike a couple of days before, that's why I have the band aid on my chin.

"I had no idea that you need glasses." He murmurs as he looks at the pictures.

"I don't. When I was a kid, my best friend was a girl named Betsy Lloyd. She was a little chubby and had glasses. The other kids used to pick on her, so I convinced my Dad to buy me glasses. You know, so she wasn't the only girl in our class to wear glasses."

"Really, do you still talk to her?"

"No, the summer before high school she slimmed down and had a laser surgery for her eyes. She turned into a queen bee and I became one of her favorite victims to bully. Last I've heard of her is that she dropped out of college and has three kids from three different men."

"Serves her right," he mutters under his breath and I pick up my favorite picture. It shows my Mom, my Dad and me in the backyard. My mom is on the swing with me in her lap and my Dad is standing behind her, we are all smiling like crazy and I remember how happy we were back then.

"Did you like growing up here?"

"Yes, I loved it. From my room I could see the woods and as a child, I used to sit by my window and made up stories about the mystical creatures that lived in the woods. My Dad would take me hiking or play with me for hours in the backyard, while my Mom was trying to cook for us."

"Trying?"

"With my Mom it's always hit or miss when she cooks. Good thing the house has three bathrooms, because believe me, after some of her meals we really needed them." I giggle and he laughs.

"Is that why you can cook so well, to avoid her cooking?"

"Not really, after my parent's divorce when I moved back to Ray we would always eat out or heat things up in the microwave and I got sick of it. So, I taught myself how to cook, which definitely came in handy when I moved in with Kate. She can't cook at all, so I would do all the cooking. I like to cook it's relaxing. Whenever I came home to visit my Dad I would spend one day to cook as many meals as possible and freeze them for him, so he would eat something else than toast and take out all the time."

"What else did you like to do here?"

"I played in the woods, went to Lake Sylvia as long as the weather was good, during high school I worked as a waitress at the local diner. And each year around Halloween I would help my Dad to decorate the house until it looked like a haunted house. It was great, we would all dress up and all the kids in the neighborhood would come here to take a tour through the haunted house."

"Sounds like fun."

"It was, Halloween is my favorite day of the year. My mom is great with make up, one year I went as zombie cheerleader with lots of fake blood and brain dripping from my ear." I tell him and get the box with pictures from one of the shelves in the living room.

After looking at some pictures, I take him up to my childhood bedroom and watch him as he takes everything in.

"It's like I thought it would be, especially those." He says with a smile and points to all the books that are stacked up on one sight of the room next to my old desk.

"Reading was my escape. I was a nerd in school, didn't have friends and reading made me happy. Now I have you to make me happy." I say and get onto tiptoes to kiss him.

"That you have, Miss Steele and I will make it my life's mission to make you happy and keep you safe every day of my life."

"I know." I whisper against his lips and we kiss again...


End file.
